Bumper Stickers
My wife says I never listen, or something like that.
Earth Is Full ........ Go Home.
Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean
(against doors, tables, walls).I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help.
Confused parent of strange children
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool ...... Now!
Your child may be an honor student but you drive like an idiot.
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does
My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
I fish, therefore I lie !
Money talks..... Mine Mostly Says Goodbye.
I haven't had my coffee yet. Don't make me kill you!
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
He Who Hesitates is Not Only Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
I haven't had my coffee yet.
Don't make me kill you.
"If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over..."Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph .... Also Are Timed For 70 mph
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down
Before He Admits He is Lost?Politicians & diapers both need to be changed often,
and for the same reason.If you can't feed em, Don't breed em!
Grow your own Dope --- PLANT A MAN.
I don’t suffer from insanity, ...... I enjoy every minute of it.
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: ..... Meaningful overnight relationship.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: ........ It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
Make yourself at home ......... clean my kitchen.
Hire a teenager while they still know it all.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
So you’re a feminist ...... Isn’t that cute!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
To all you virgins, ........ thanks for nothing.
I’m not a complete idiot, ..... some parts are missing.
Earth first ...... we’ll mine the other planets later.
How can I be overdrawn, ....... I still have cheques !
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot !
Jesus paid for our sins ....... now lets get our money’s worth.
Out of my mind; ........ Back in five minutes.
Keep honking, ....... I’m reloading.
I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; ....... other times I let her sleep
The second mouse gets the cheese.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen..
Driver does not carry cash. He's married.
Change is inevitable, ...... except from a vending machine.
It is as BAD as you think, and they are out to get you.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
My wife gives me sound advice ... 99% sound ... 1% advice.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I know what you’re thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Elvis is dead, ........ and I’m not feeling too good myself.
Before giving anyone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes..........
We are born naked, wet and hungry ........ Then things get worse.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Always remember you’re unique, ........ just like everyone else.
Lottery: ..... A tax on people who are bad at math.
Consciousness: ...... that annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids; ...... They’ll choose your nursing home.
3 kinds of people: ...... those who can count & those who can’t.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
You've being a naughty girl, ..... now go to my room !!!
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Stable relationships are for horses.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’ .... till you can find a rock.
Impotence ... Natures way of saying "No hard feelings"
Save your breath ..... you'll need it to blow up your date.
Don't like my driving ..... "Then quit watching me !!"
Hang up & drive.
Try not to let your mind wander ..... it's too small and fragile to be out by itself.
Everyone has a photographic memory ..... some just don't have any film.
Your ridiculous opinion has been noted.
Guys ..... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Welcome to our country ..... now speak English.
What would Scooby do?
I fish, therefore I lie.
I never met a man I couldn't blame.
My other car is a broom.
Sure wish my wife was as dirty as my truck is.
Marriage is grand ...... Divorce is 100 grand.
Don't honk ..... Driver is trying to sleep."
I child-proofed my house, but they still get in.
Driver carries no cash, .... He's married.
Take your ex out tonight .... One bullet ought to do it.
Wife and dog missing, reward .... for dog.
Are you having phone sex or do you always drive that way.
Keep honking, ..... I'm reloading.
Work harder, ...... Millions on welfare depend on you.
I'm busy, you're ugly, have a nice day
Can't feed 'em, ...... Don't breed 'em
I am not an Alcoholic, I'm a drunk ... Alcoholics go to meetings.
Take revenge, shit on a pigeon.
The shortest sentence "I am" .... The longest "I do".
Where in the hell is "Easy Street"
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible
If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it.
Guns don't kill people, ...... Drivers with cellphones do.
Breast inspection ..... 100 ft ahead, "Please have 'em out"
CAT, ..... The other white meat.
Drugs lead nowhere, but it is the scenic route.
If we aren't suppose to eat animals, why are they made of meat ?
Before giving anyone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare.
Alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to
your bra and panties and dignity
Alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter,
faster, stronger and better looking than most people.
Alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
Alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
Alcohol may cause pregnancy.
Alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
Alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
Alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
