Night Before

"TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
WE ALL HAD DIARRHEA
EVEN THE MOUSE

MOM'S ON THE TOILET
DAD'S ON THE PAIL
I DON'T THINK THEY'LL HAVE
THE CHRISTMAS PIECE OF TAIL

I PEEKED THROUGH THE KEYHOLE
WITH A MISCHIEVOUS GRIN
TO SEE HOW MUCH SHIT
MY PARENTS WERE IN

THE BOWEL WAS FULL
THE PAIL WAS OVERFLOWING
THEY HAD THE TEXAS FLUE
WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING

I WENT TO MY BED AND
I HEARD SUCH A CLATTER
I RAN TO THE KEYHOLE 
TO SEE WHAT'S THE MATTER

DAD HAD SLIPPED ON THE PAIL
MOM HAD FELL IN
THE MOUSE RAN IN CIRCLES
WITH SHIT ON HIS CHIN

AND ALL SO A SUDDEN
I HEARD A BIG ROAR
LIKE THE FART IN THE BATHTUB
THE NIGHT BEFORE

I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW
AND SAW THE BIG PRICK
I NEW IN A MINUTE
IT MUST BE SAINT NICK

HE SLID DOWN THE CHIMNEY
LIKE OLD BARD PITT
ALL MATTED WITH HAIR
AND COVERED WITH SHIT

HE FILLED UP OUR STOCKINGS
WITH PEPTO-BISMOL AND MORE
COULD TELL BY HIS LIMP
HIS PECKER WAS SORE

HE SLID UP THE CHIMNEY
AS HE HAD CAME IN
WITH SHIT ON HIS FUR
WHERE THE BUCKET HAD BEEN

HE BURPED AND GURGLED
AS HE SLID THROUGH THE NIGHT
WITH HIS PANTS ON BACKWARDS 
AND HIS SHORTS ON TO NIGHT!

Woody