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TAXI STORIES |
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STUFF
FROM THE EDGE OF THE DRIVERS SEAT
SMELL
This
story could be the one that sticks in your mind
amongst other things.
A few years ago I had a beautiful blonde lady working for me.
She was neat and clean in everyway, made me a lot of money she
did.
Forever shapin finger nails, brushin hair and fragrancing the
car with exotic perfumes she was truly a mirror for my New
Yorker.
So to carry on she wanted the night off.
An asian friend of mine who done the odd shift for me was
about to have a bird.
Imagine a Postal Worker moonlighting for the Taxi Business.
He came to my home within minutes of starting his nights work.
"I can't drive this car!" he said. "Why" I
said?
"Come and see or smell "he said.
Opening the door I was overcome by the smell.
It was a combination of perfume, beer, cigs and human vomit.
Someone had puked in the back seat.
Enough to make you sick? heheheheh.
Why didn't Laverne clean up the mess?
There was puke everywhere.
on the seat belts, under the seats,
in the door jam, and under the carpet.
Yuk.
I had to hunt down the Nilodor, an all purpose deodorizer, It
became an
instant friend so I could continue the gut wretching task.
Later asking the girl why she had left the car in such a mess
her reply was," I was wondering why the people were jumping
in and out,
and acting strange".
Why it was this way the lady had no sense of smell.
As strange as it seems.
Supper
Time! hahahhahaha.
TO
WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
THIS
IS JUST A BASIC MENU FOR THE BASIC CAB DRIVER
SO THEY CAN ADJUST THEMSELVES ACCORDINGLY.
(a)
KFC ONE WEEK OLD UNDER THE SEAT.
(b)
FOOT PRINTS ON THE ROOF INSIDE AND OUT.
(c)
BRIBE THE DISPATCHER WITH WHISKEY OR SWISS PASTRY.
(d)
180'S ANYWHERE.
(e)
USING ANTI-PERSPIRANT TO SCENT MORNING BREATH.
(f)
DRIVING WITH A CIG IN ONE HAND AND A COFFEE IN THE OTHER.
(g)
PULLING THE SEATS OUT OF PARKED CARS.
(h)
GET UP WITH THE BIRDS AND HOWL AT THE MOON.
(i)
GIVE YOUR CUSTOMER MORE TIPS THAN THEY GIVE.
(j)
FORECAST THE WEATHER WITHOUT A PERMIT.
(k)
SEND YOUR PATRONS TO YOUR FAVORITE EATING ESTABLISHMENT.
(l)
GET STUNG MORE THAN ONCE BY THE SAME STINGER.
(m)
DISSAPEAR AT BAR RUSH OPEN OR CLOSING.
(n)
HOLDING HANDS (HA HA HA HA)
(o)
MOCKING THE DISPATCHER.
(p)
CLEANING YOUR ASHTRAY IN THE PARKING LOT.
(q)
QUIET AT WORK AND HELL ON WHEELS.
(r)
YOU DRIVE TO KEEP AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN. (HE HE HE)
(s)
START IN ENGLISH AND END UP IN PUNJABI.
(t)
WEAR TIGHT FITTING HEAD GEAR WITH OR WITHOUT PONYTAILS.
(u)
FINDING THE ROAD A AUTOBOND.
THAT'S
THE CABBIE ALFERBERT OR IS IT ALFURBERT?
What
a crock? A bowl of chicken livered deli-cuts. Do they think they
can get away raising the rate of car insurance at 14%. They say
they may hold it at 10% this year. I'm a cab driver, I own my
Taxi and my insurance is $3000.00. This will put me up to
$3300.00 a year almost $10 dollars a day whether I work or not.
EG. if I make $50.00 a day, I pay $10.00 a day for insurance,
$3.50 gst., and $5.00 gas based on 10%. This is $18.50 per day
just to go to work and there are other expences. I think the
Goverment should buy my Taxi and i'll go to work for them. Get a
pension when I retire, $15 to $20 dollars a hour and let then pay
the insurance. The B.C. Government has put up the cost to
subsudize the transit system. Soon people won't be able to afford
to insure there cars and will have to take the transit system. It
will go up again because there won't be anyone driving anymore.
HA HA HA. How about this, I have two cars, one for work and one
for pleasure, and I can only drive one car at a time. This really
Pissed me off.
To
Premier Hardcod, and Nelson Grease.
Put
our Taxi's in your Transit System and I'll work for you like you
work for me.
Disgruntled
HEHEHEHE
A
young gentleman gets into my cab, savage drunk, and asks me what
life is all about. After telling him how crazy the world was he
agreed that we were in mixed times. How would he bring up his son
in this day and age? I told him that blood was thicker than water
meaning that family was the most important, closest, and purist
way of life. If you bring up your son as close to this as
possible, you will have done your part. He agreed with me and
said thank you by way of a moderate tip. After Fumbling with the
door, he soon made his way like a sailor fore and aft between a
truck and a apricot hedge, looking for a way back to his world.
With him out of my life, I was back to mine. Another address,
destination unknown and more advice for people with blind ears or
just my weather forecast for midnight fun lovers. Constructive
criticism some my call it, and it's all in a day's work. I
sincerley wish the young man the best even though our paths my
never cross again.
Antifreeze
is thicker than water, and will add life to your car.
TIPPING
TIPPING
IS NOT A SMALL CHINESE SUBURBAN AREA ALONG THE YANTSEA RIVER.
MOST TIPPING IS DONE ON THE MERIT OF SERVICE, THE AMOUNT OF MONEY
YOU HAVE OR OTHER MOTIVES. NAY BARTENDER WILL TELL YOU THIS AND
BY THE WAY THEY ARE THE BEST TIPPERS. OFTEN IN THE SERVICE
INDUSTRY THEIR IS A BOND BECAUSE WE ALL DEAL WITH THE GENERAL
PUBLIC. IF YOU TREAT PEOPLE IN THE WAY THEY ARE ACCUSTOMED YOU
WILL REALIZE THAT, IF THEY SNIVEL AND WINE IT'S PROBABLY THEIR
MEDICATION.
MOST
PEOPLE TREAT THE OLDER DRIVER'S WITH RESPECT, THE YOUNGER DRIVERS
WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, AND THE NEW DRIVER'S LIKE IDIOTS. I FIND
THE ELDERLY ARE MOST CONSERVATIVE. THEY KNOW HOW HARD MONEY IS TO
COME BY. I TRY TO KEEP THIS IN CONSIDERATION, BUT I HAVE BEEN
KNOWN TO TELL THEM WHAT I THOUGHT, WITH A APOLOGY.
IT
IS BEST TO TREAT ALL PEOPLE THE SAME WAY. WERE NOT LITTLE
CHILDREN, SOME HAVE TO BE PUT IN THEIR PLACE. MY TIP FOR YOU IS
THAT A TIP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. IT HELPS PAY THE G.S.T., OUR
RETIREMENT, OUR WELL BEING, AND IMPROVES OUR GENERAL ATTITUDE
TOWARDS THE PUBLIC. WE THE CABBIES TAKE CARE OF YOU 24 HOURS A
DAY. WE TAKE YOU TO CHURCH, HOSPITALS, AIRPORTS, TRAINS, AND HOME
FROM ALL NIGHT PARTIES. ALSO WE PACK BAGS AND HELP YOU IF WE CAN.
I EVEN FED A RACEHORSE AT THE TRACK BECAUSE THE OWNER COULDN'T
GET TO FEED HIM.
WELL
THAT'S MY TIP FOR YOU MAYBE, YOU HAVE A TIP FOR ME. HAHAHHAHA
In
the taxi business the native population are our most loyal and
steady customers. Many use the service to shop or get to town to
do their business. This is a story that will I'm sure make many a
cabbie or native smile because they know the true meaning of
Indian way. After the groceries it was to the store two pickup
their favorite. The L.C.B. would be the final destination then
home via Indian Way. The Reserve was across a little Red Bridge.
At the north end of the bridge the major road went straight ahead
and to the left was Indian Way. As soon as we hit the old road
you would hear the ruffle of the brown bags. About three blocks
of dirt road and there was a old unused road that had tall grass
and bushes on each side. This was the major stop on Indian Way.
Then came the offering, like a native ritual, the wine would be
passed to me for the first sniffter (Meaning drink). So everyone
would have a sniffter or two and then it was off to home.
Well
now you know what a sniffter is, and the Indian Way.
Oh
ya, and the tall Grass, that's another story.
BACK TO THE TOP
This
is a true story. A Native woman hired me for half a day. We drove
some twenty miles on a gravel road to a meadow, a open area and
some trees. The lady had a small bag with her consisting of some
bread,a apple, a little piece of meat and a pocket knife. She
asked me to wait for her and disappeared into the forest. I tuned
in the radio station, tipped back my head and tried to relax.
More
than a hour had passed and the lady was still in the woods. It
was a peaceful day, warm and sunny. She should have been back by
now, I couldn't leave her there. I got out of the car to stretch
a bit. As soon as I got out of the car it got cold, the wind came
up, but there was a stillness. Suddenly a small whirl wind
surrounded me and the car, picking up stones the size of a dime.
It was weird, the stones were going around but yet not touching
me or the car. I got back in the car and as fast as the wind came
it stopped. The chill of the ordeal left me wondering what was
going on. The bushes began to rustle and the old lady came
wandering out of the woods. When she got into the car I asked her
what she was doing in there. She smiled and asked me to please
take her home. Off we went, I was still in wonder of the things
that happened. I got her home and just as she was geting out of
the car she smiled and said, "I was feeding the Dead".
The hair prickled on the back of my neck as I drove away. It
truly was strange.
Another
mystic day in the life of a cab driver.
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PROSPECT
It
was late one sunday afternoon, a quite afternoon. Things were
slow and I was going to take the rest of the day off. All the
nightshift cars were comin on. Just as I was about to get out of
the car the dispatcher asked if I would take a special. A special
was someone who personally asked for you. I Had nothing special
to do anyways so I took the call. It was Mr. Wing a old friend of
my father's. When my father wasn't around he would ask for me. Mr
Wing is a old Chinese gentleman who spoke little english but I
could understand him. Mr. Wing lived in a old cabin some twenty
miles from the city, so off i went. He was a man of his word. His
old grey dog met me as I knocked on his cabin door, grinning as
dogs often do. "Come" said Mr Wing. Beside his old wood
burning stove was a older lady who had to much to drink or not
enough. Old Wing pointed at her and said, "You take her home
anywhere she wants to go." "Ok " I said. Getting
the woman into the car was quite a chore, half drunk and a little
wobbly. The old woman was a friend of Wing's so i thought it
would be alright to take her anywhere. Then the punch line came.
"I have no money but I'll pay you when I get home"she
said. As if I hadn't heard that before.hahahaha.
"Well
where you off to Lady?" "Bellingham" she
slured!." Bellingham was some Three Hundred and Fifty miles
away. I had enough money for gas but if she didn't pay I would be
stranded. She kept telling me of her beautiful house , her son,
and all the money she had. Well I made the turn to the highway
and off we went on a rememberous journey. Our first ordeal was a
pickup and camper which we saw go off the road down a big
enbankment. I stopped the car and went back to see if I could
help. The camper was some fifty feet down off the road in a
gully. When I got to the truck there was no one in it . How could
that be? The cab of the truck was smashed right to the floor and
it was upside down. I looked up the hill and there was a man
standing there looking at me, I guess he had been throw out of
the truck or picked up by the hands of God. There's no way he
could have made it through that crash. He didn't know what had
happened either. A car with a cellular phone stopped and got a
tow truck for the man and we were back on the road again.
My
passenger was in the need of a drink and so was I for that
matter. I told the lady that there was nowhere to get a drink on
a Sunday and that there was a beer strike on in British Columbia.
Disgruntled she started to tell me her life story. Appearently
she had a son in the Air Force, a beautiful home, loads of money,
and her husband worked for the C.I.A., in Alaska. She got to Mr.
Wing's by Helicopter and was there Prospecting for gold. Well I
took it all with a grain of salt, wasn't the first time I heard a
tall story. Well we will soon be to the border to the U.S.A..
This was the first time I had a trip to the States. When I got to
the border I fouNd out that I had to go to two County Sheriffs,
one in each County to get permit's to Taxi in their counties. I
thought that was a crook but I did it anyhow. I stopped at a
corner store and got a case of Miller Highlife for me and my
passenger. We would soon be at her house I hoped.
Around
and around we went up and down the streets looking for her house.
She had never been out of the house I guess. Finally we found it.
Was this house really her's? Wow it was huge! She invited me in
opened me a beer and said that she couldn't pay me till the next
morning and asked me to stay the night. Well I had no choice, I
had to get money to get back. Well she cooked me a steak, made me
drink some more Beer, hahahaha, and let me sleep in her son's
room. In the morning she cooked me breakfast and we went to a
drive through teller. She got my money and paid me. To extend her
gratitude she give me a Hundred Dollar Tip! WoW, the lady was
true to her word, as was Mr. WIng. She said that if she ever
wanted to go to Alaska to see her Husband she would give me a
call. Saying our goodbyes I was back on the road again.
Ya
can't judge a book by it's cover.
Gold
comes in many colors.
BACK TO THE TOP
CHRISTMAS LOST
Well it's the busy time of year for a cab driver. People are running like chicken's with their
heads cut off,hellter skelter so to speak. Most everyone is full of kindness,pretzels,and beer. We
are all ready to love thy neighbour. This short story will give you a differant look at how people can
be.
Harry was a local wheeler dealer,anything for a buck. He always kept himself in good
repore and had a pleasant nature about him. Harry and his wife lived in a local run down hotel
called the Princess Margret. This hotel was old and rundown but many low income people lived
there. Harry was getting evicted and it was Christmas Eve.
I just stepped out of the Cab Stand to call it a night when Harry put the arm on me. So
the story goes on. With make watery eye's he give me his sob story. It didn't matter to me so
much about Harry but his wife Mary was such a sweet old lady. Without a whim I offered Harry
and his Wife a palace to stay for the Holiday's. I would be working most of the Holiday's anyhow.
Single guy's always were picked. Well i guess it was the season,joy to the world,deck the halls,and
love thy fellow man in a manner of speaking hahahaha.
Mary and Harry seemed to be quite happy so was i to be able to help someone in need.
We had a few drink's Cristmas Eve everything seemed to normal to me. Mary made the Turkey
while I was at Work(hahaha). Mary and Harry were tidy people they clean up my Bore's Nest
which was in bad need. The Cristmas Dinner was great and it was nice to have company too even
though the rest of my family was up stairs.
Boxing Day was almost as busy as Christmas everyone taking back unwanted gifts and
going to the bar for a eye opener. I had a good day as far as Boxing Day was and it was good i
did. Getting home expecting to see Harry and Mary they were gone! At first i thought the might
have gone for a walk,went to Church,the Bar maybe. Nope i was wrong so i thpught i'd have a
drink. The fridge had a couple of cases in it went i left as well as a couple bottle's of hard liquor.
As the door opened there was no booze anywhere. I was hot enough to melt the South Pole.
They either drank or stole all my LIquor. HUmbug.
I never saw Mary or Harry again,they left no note,goodbye or thank's.
NEVER LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH AND SAY YOUR HARRY MARYIES
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Eugene
This Story is about a friend a real Taxi Driver named Eugene. Eugene was four or five years older than me. We met by way of his brother Kenny who was one of my childhood buds. Eugene worked for a taxi operator full time in a sparsely populated
Area in Northern British Columbia. Fort St. James is small community one hundred miles north east of Prince George.
In the old days most of the native population got around by taxi as cars were luxuries. The Cab Company at the time would give credit for the ride home plus other lucrative benefits eg. (Bootlegging) On the merit of your word or ability to pay for services rendered. So on with the story one night I was late from a basketball game played at the Saint Mary Gorette Catholic School. Our Farm was some six miles from town and I had made the trek several times before so I headed out for the long clay gumbo trail.
I had walked about two miles when Eugene came along and give me a free ride home. On the way home we discussed may things as Cab Drivers often do. He told me if I ever need a ride that I had good credit with him and if in need call. So I did on several occasions and were became friends.
Well the years went by and I left the town explore the world to see where it would led me. Little did I know I would soon be driving my own Taxi and remembering an old friend.
Eugene had picked up a man in a small town called Fraser Lake or in that area as I understand. The Man Pulled a gun and shot him in the back of the head some seven or eight times and left him in a ditch. He stole the car and dumped it at Cache Creek a small town near the Fraser Canyon. Eugene was missing and they found the car the manhunt was on. Eugene’s body was cover in snow as a snowplow had buried him and wouldn’t be found till the snow melted some. Now. This same man that had killed my friend was going to kill yet another Cab Driver from Ashcroft a small CPR. Town just south of Cache Creek. Here he got a cab, robbed and shot the driver through the backseat and dumped his car. The police were on his trial but he evaded the police once more.Johnny a long time driver in Kamloops B.C. was next to give the Murder a ride.
He picked him up in downtown Kamloops. “ Take Me To the Village” and Johnny was on his way. The Village Hotel is still here in Kamloops it was a focal point for cowboys, transients, band members and the North Shore patrons. To get to the Village there’s a bridge we call the Blue Bridge, which is self-explanatory. When they were about halfway across the river the backseat window opened and the man threw something out into the river. Johnny finished of his trip and headed back downtown. He was latter Questioned by the R.C.M.P as to where he had taken the man and if he had done anything unusual during the ride. Johnny told they where he was and what he had done on the Blue Bridge. The Mounties got their man and the gun was found in the river, which was used to murder the two Cabbies. The Man had jumped a freight train at Ashcroft and got off in Kamloops thus evading police. He has now finished his sentence.Eugene was found a few weeks latter as the snow melted. IN Your Memory
You never know what evil lurks in the hearts of men
Back Doors and windows
When you’re a taxi driver you have to use your discretion on several things of moral responsibility. We make many liquor deliveries, food and over the counter drugs.There’s Apple Jack a fellow with lots of money that lives in a motel and likes to drink Listerine and Apple Juice. Mrs. Wiz that likes her Vodka delivered to her back door in a plastic bag. Mrs. Peek who wants you to go to the backyard window, leaves the money on the sill and it open a crack to make your delivery. These are just some of the things you have to do. It’s so hard to police these kinds of things and there’s always someone who will do it. If you stop service, they phone a cab and go and get it themselves. This is what I prefer at least their getting out of the house and maybe a detergent to some degree.
These people come from all walks of life Doctors, Dentists, D jay’s ,Waitresses, Pilots, Health Care Workers, and Cab Drivers.
So beware of Cracked Windows and
Back Doors!
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