Counseling provides a space to explore what you need to be able to expand, let go of the past, find direction, and explore your process without having to worry about anyone else. We all have blind spots or find that we get stuck in a feeling or perspective that limits us. A skilled counselor can help you access parts of yourself that have been cut off through habit or fear.

A counselor can provide a compassionate and non-judgmental presence that enables you to develop trust in yourself and your experience. It is not always possible for significant others to provide the degree of objectivity necessary to focus just on your needs. Nor is it appropriate for friends, partners or family to take responsibility for your needs in this way. Counseling, therefore, provides a very unique relationship that supports you in your process towards expanding the possibilities of who you are, and how you choose to live your life.

What is the process?

The process for each individual will vary slightly because it arises out of the orientation of the counselor, and the specific needs of the client. A good counselor will be flexible to your needs at each point of your process. Having said that, here are some typical pointers on what to expect:

You determine the direction. This is to say that it is your process, which focuses on what is important to you at any given time. You take the lead. A counselor may bring up something which you have not thought about but it has to come out of your concerns.

The process is based on verbal communication. This is not to say that you have to be highly articulate all the time. I use non verbal communication, and physical and emotional expression as part of the process, whenever necessary. However, it is primarily talk therapy, so there is a requirement on your part to attempt to communicate your experience, and for the counselor to communicate their understanding.

Your job is to be self-reflective, the counselor's job is to facilitate your self-awareness. There may be a variety of ways a counselor may achieve this, from different techniques to a simple question or reflection. There must be an overall willingness on your part to explore your inner experience.

Sometimes you will be challenged and there may be discomfort. When we change and grow there is always some degree of discomfort because we are letting go of self protection. This is not comfortable because we feel exposed in that moment of letting go. In counseling there is a balance between challenging those places of discomfort, and building the relationship so that you are able to tolerate this. Again, this will be dependent on individual differences.


Counseling is not:

About giving you advice. People often come into counseling for the first time expecting to be told how to fix whatever problem they have come in with. They want the pain to go away and they want to be told how to make it go away. However, if you were told what to do this could potentially cause you to rely on that person instead of yourself. Counseling is primarily a self-discovery process that enables you to become more effective in your life, and advice can give you the message that you are inadequate.

Just for people who have 'major problems' or are 'crazy'. This is a common misconception about counseling. Anyone who is interested in changing some aspect of their life or the way they are in the world can use counseling to help facilitate this.

About making a friend. Even though you may want and need a connection with your counselor, it is not a friendship. Strong feelings of caring may develop but it is important to understand that it can not be a relationship that goes both ways. In many ways it can feel more intimate than most relationships in your life, but it can never replace the need to develop relationships that are mutual and fulfilling.