I've learned that

you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. 

no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. 

it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. 
 
you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.  
After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs. 

you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. 

you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. 

we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. 

regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, 
and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. 

no matter how you try to protect your children, 
they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper. 

the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and 
all the less important ones just never go away. 

to say "F--- 'em if they can't take a joke"