Who am I ?
So to start my name is Diane, although not my birth name, it is the name I prefer to be addressed by.After years of confusion and depression, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I have been born the wrong gender. Throughout my life I knew that I didn't fit into the roles expected of me and believe that in general I was a failure as a man. I couldn't fit the part, I was too emotional, effeminate in my ways that were always interpreted as being gay. My life through puberty wasn't a particularly good time in my life, the teasing, being bullied, and to top it off, the medical condition called gynecomastia. I had a few girlfriends after completing high school (there was a guy in there too a little earlier in my life). Still trying to fulfill my role, I was married in the late 70's, this lasted a whopping 3 1/2 years. Good try but no cigar! I had been living out of town during this time and returned home after that disaster. Years went by and still in denial about my gender dysphoria, I finally went to see my GP and was referred to the Gender Clinic in my home town (unfortunately is now shut down due to cut backs). I went for a number of sessions with the psychiatrist and among other things was deemed as having a gender disorder (which I knew all along but for some reason I needed a doctors evaluation for my piece of mind.) My depression still haunts me to date even with the medications I take to alleviate the situation. Currently I am still living in both worlds but truthfully would go fulltime in an instant if it wasn't for this need for money to continue on my journey. I am patient and will wait until it is all feasible at a later date in my life. Well here we are again...life goes on and that's a good thing ! Not a whole lot me on this end of the world, summer is hot and dry...plays havoc on makeup... Still struggling with my Depression and Gender Identity, really despise sitting on a fence with not a lot of hope in sight. Doctor refuses to put me on even a maintenance dose of HRT due to my medical condition, she is doing her best to keep me going. The introduction of higher levels of female hormones would do me in at this point, I think I'll choose Life myself :) Been out and about as usual, just about fully given up on the clubs etc....it tends to make me feel desperate and empty. Visiting good friends is my favorite, people are so kind and I do enjoy the company. So that's about it for now....hope you are healthy and living life to its fullest :) Thank you for taking the time to read my little story, as things happen I will update at that time. Diane |
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Hello
again....here it is mid October already and not a lot to report. Well
other than visiting friends across the country. Still shopping way too
much, I never seem to have enough outfits :) Still frustrated with my
current situation and lack of change. Oh well, life goes on:) Hope everyone is well out there in the real world !
Diane K Well...the start of November and I feel like I'm going in circles to nowhere...Not a lot new on this end...shopping too much, getting out as often as possible....Still hoping to save up enough for my Rhinoplasty although I can think of a dozen things that I would like done. Di November 2005 Depression has kicked into high gear again, working with my doc to try to rectify this one. Currently on Medical leave from work. Finally accepted the fact that SRS is not in my future, too many medical issues prohibiting this desire although there are options for gals that cannot take any hormone replacement therapy....guess I should look into that. Diane December 31, 2005 I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season (politically correct) :) .. not a lot new to report on this end....Been so busy doing nothing that I never seem to find the time to fret..... So wishing everyone a Happy New Year! Looking forward to 2006 ! Di February 21, 2006 Well here we are again....lets see...what's new? Well I had another visit to my psych doc and had a few medication adjustments. I am currently unemployed (medical leave since November just ran out) but searching for that perfect job :) Its so weird job hunting again...its been decades...lol ! Now if I could only find a job where I could show up as me, that would be perfect ! Guess there is always self employment, I would still really love to open a Boutique/Makeover/Photography company to serve the T community. Think I may join a local support group here, there are several good ones to choose from. We will see how that goes! Diane >^..^<
June 28, 2006 September 8, 2006 Well here we are again...things are going well so far :) I am in the process of finding a spot in the on-line sales business on the internet....now all I need is a product! The weather has been super to date (no more rain.....please). Doing my best to lose weight but really need to stop the after dinner snacking....but it tastes so good! My current mix of meds seems to be working well....just need to work on my motivation somewhat. So any suggestions for an on-line business? ...I need all the input I can get! Hope your month goes well! Diane November 3, 2006 Welcome to November So Halloween is over, there goes my excuse for eating all those treats. September 27, 2007 Its about time I wrote something ! Did finally get my referral to the new doctor. Cool guy for sure :) I finally levelled off at 138 lbs n the spring....maybe a few more if I keep trying! Working on my new business, all the T's crossed and the I's dotted. All I need now are generous customers. I'll add a bit more in a few days ........
January 12, 2008
Well finally I sat down to update this dang thing...lol !
2007 was an interesting year overall. Am taking Life Skills classes to try to better my ability to deal with stress and depression, The program has been very helpful actually. A very calming effect allowing me to cope with life. Work was still an issue and I needed to get back at it and make myself useful again. With that in mind I started my own company. Somewhat of a slow start, I am easing myself back into the work stream. Now all I need to do is make some real money to get things back in order. I hope some time this year to update my camera and a few other goodies. Joined a local support/social group here and am having a wonderful time with my new friends. Next week is my first Endocrinologist appointment, I am hoping I am fit enough to start on a hrt program. All said and done, I am looking forward to 2008 and all it may bring. till doing my best to keep myself in shape with exercising 6 nights a week, those Christmas goodies are my downfall...hehe. Hope everyones New Year is a special one and your dreams come true.... Best Wishes Diane October 23, 2008 Oh no, its me again ! I'm finished my Life Skills classes and must admit they were very helpful. So my desires of starting an HRT program came true. Been on Estraderm and Spiro for over 6 months. Actually noticing some changes in my body and definitely in my overall well being. Amazing what the mind does to overcome situations :) Its time to get going on my plans for transition, out to a number of people but have a few challenges ahead and actually looking forward to see how people react that are close to me. I do hope they will accept me or at least acknowledge me, if not, then I guess they weren't really friends at all. This is all so overwhelming, Life is wonderful ! The cooler weather has arrived, time for another layer of clothes. Been working at a few unheated sites lately, sure get chilled to the bones at times, got to keep moving, keeps me warm. Now workplace Transition should be interesting, I have been in a male dominate industry for so long now, time to shake up the scene....lol ! Hope everyone is keeping well ! Diane >^..^<
December 22, 2008 Seasons Greetings everyone! Hope this time for celebration finds you well and enjoying life to the fullest! I've been busy working 5 days a week and finally have a few days to myself. Not doing too much in the way of Christmas this year, a few decorations up but not going to bother with a tree (sounds Grinchy doesn't it?). Life has been going well since I last wrote, HRT is doing its thing and have absolutely no regrets of my decisions, only wish I could speed up the process a bit. I even thought of begging (you know, asking for donations for my surgery on the Web). Oh well......I won't hold my breath. Had a wonderful day this Saturday, a friend (Tori) and myself went to one of the local malls to do some shopping. Not really use to such big crowds so far, and the last weekend before Christmas too!. Bought a lovely pair of black leather boots that I absolutely adore, Tori found a great pair too! After we went to one of the local restaurants for lunch and enjoyed our time chatting. Decided to stop taking Zoloft a few weeks ago (more due to the fact that my Psych decided to retire and I never did find a replacement for him). This is as bad as when I stopped my Effexor some time ago.....something people refer to as "Brain Zaps" or "Brain Shivers", I prefer to call them "Brain Farts" , hopefully the side effects of quitting will subside in a month or so. Now could someone tell the Weather Queen to ease up on the snow and cold weather, this is darn right silly... Take care and enjoy in whatever your religious beliefs are (if any), if someone is serving drinks, a Chocolate Martini for me please :) Hope to add more at the beginning of the New Year (2009, sheesh, only a year till the Winter Olympics here).
Best Wishes
Diane >^..^< April 29, 2009 Well here it is the end of April already! Some exciting things happening this week. On Sunday May3, it is Gender Euphoria Day in Vancouver. It is being held at the Heritage Hall at 3102 Main Street in Vancouver. Hours are from 1pm to 9 pm. If you would like more information, click on this link Gender Euphoria Site . I will be working at the event. On Monday May
4, there is a Double Feature Night at the Rainbow community Church.
Our first
movie will be "Just Like a
Woman" followed by a short intermission, refreshments will be
provided. There will be a short "Question an Answer time" then we will move
on to the main movie, "Hedwig
And The Angry Inch". Come on down and lets have some fun. This event
will be held at Rainbow Community Church the room capacity is 100 and we
have the use of the big screen. This is an open event to all people. Diane
June 18, 2009 Happy June and almost the start of summer.... Since my last instalment in April things are going well. The weather has been extra super the last 3 weeks and hope it never ends (as in returning to the rain). The Gender Euphoria Day was a real success, oodles of attendees, if I had to guess, I believe it was predominantly Tran-Men attending....really very cool to see how the other side of the gender spectrum lives. The Double feature movie night was a bit of a bust, the weather was horrible and must have convinced people to stay home...well at least the five of us enjoyed it! Since then, The Gender Euphoria Committee had an appreciation dinner for us volunteers. Food was great and company even better....and I even got a prize! One of the Trans Alliance gals is having a get together this weekend and looking forward to attending, then the following Friday is the wind up dinner for another group I belong to. Now as far as my transition goes, the change to Cyproterone has worked out very well, seems to be a lot more effective than the Spiro I was taking. My doctor may increase my Estrogens dose again, its like a surprise around each corner. Work has slowed down a bit, seems to do that this time of year....maybe its time to find a new career :) Any one looking for a reliable and knowledgeable gal to add to their team? I wish everyone the best this summer and hope that your wishes come true ....
Diane Click here for the Audio supplement to June 19
September 18, 2009 Well here we are just a few short days away from Fall ....Brrrrrr. The summer was absolutely beautiful this year, lots of opportunities for long walks and bike rides. Employment ended....it was so slow for many industries that many couldn't afford to keep employees around. So my quest for a new career continues. Went through all the trials and tribulations of my name change. Vital Statistics was my first start, pretty simple process but a bit too expensive in my eyes. Next it was off to the Motor Vehicle Branch to get an undated drivers licence. No big deal...well, as long as you have all the necessary documents :) Then it was the Credit Card companies, Federal Govt to update records....and so on.... One of these days it will be easier for people to change their name and gender designation. Otherwise, things are moving along....sure hope to find a job before too long, sitting around isn't much fun and doesn't pay the bills. Guess the biggest challenge now is the Transphobic, Trans Repudiation issues that are so predominant in the world today. Do I regret anything I've done to date in respect to my transition...not at all....it is a wonderful journey and know that when all is said and done and the mis-sexed issues are dealt with, and life goes on.....I will feel complete ....
Diane
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