View From The Pew
by Gerry Hunter
(Posted Oct. 5th, 1999).
Profile of an Attack
He that dwelleth in the secret
place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say
of the LORD, [He is] my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome
pestilence.
Psalm 97:1-3
This is true. I can write what I now write because it is true.
Saturday, 22 February 1997 was the occasion for a "diocesan day of dialogue on homosexuality." It was to be a day of story-telling, aimed, it was claimed, at raising the quality of conversation in the community. It was also billed as a celebration of life. Billing and purpose not withstanding, the only people from our parish -- which 13 days earlier had overwhelmingly passed a motion affirming and supporting the declaration of the House of Bishops on the subject at their general vestry -- who would go near the event were the rector, and me, his warden, so he wouldn't be alone. After all, what could go too wrong at a story-telling session?
For such are false apostles,
deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no
marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
2 Corinthians 11:13
I became a bit uneasy right from the opening prayers. They were used to subtly condition us for the upcoming events. We were to be protected from the "cowardice" of facing new truth. What new truth? By assumption, it was there to be found, and we were to find it. And if you won't, you're either a coward or overcome by fear. I always get uneasy when people slip in messages in a prayer. Then, over to our spiritual guide for the day. Now I'm not sure what this woman's actual title was, so take that designation as a functional description. So first, a little guided imagery, to get us in touch with the energy within us, the state of which, we were told, was what God was saying to us right now. Then, off to our first group session, with the exhortation that we were "participating in the evolution of the universe." Oh, did I mention? Our guide was a Roman Catholic nun.
Let both grow together until
the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye
together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the
wheat into my barn.
Matthew 13:30
One of the ground rules for the day was confidentiality within the small groups. I can't, and really don't have to, quote anyone from them. I did take some notes, for later review to assist discernment. I took them in the open, and in the morning, no one said a word about it. I expected to be outnumbered, and I was. But in the morning, I was not the only believer there. Praise God for the gift of a fellow believer in that morning session. The enemy didn't seem to like the prospect of two believers together, and no attacks occurred. This is a lesson worth remembering.
For I long to see you, that I
may impart unto you some spiritual gift, to the end ye may be established; That
is, that I may be comforted together with you by the mutual faith both of you
and me.
Romans 1:11-12
By lunch, I was ready for some fellowship with those whose Lord was my Lord and not their own selves. The Lord provided. With what was coming unknown to me then, I can discern another lesson here, looking back. In the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, God can use those who accept the Lordship of His Son to re-invigorate and strengthen us, even when we know not for what. Lunch was good, and I was hungry, but it was the other feeding I was really to need.
Be sober, be vigilant; because
your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may
devour...
1 Peter 5:8
Nothing obvious suggested that the beginning of the second session would mark the start of a time of torment. I was first wary when my offering was subjected to a less than kind scrutiny, which was vectored for effectiveness by the supposedly neutral facilitator. No company this time; I was alone. Well, I could be a Matthew 7:6 kind of guy when that's appropriate, so I sat back, listened to learn and discern, again openly taking notes. If the questioning was a roar, what came next was a lunge. It was easy to tell. I can't say what was said. But I can say what wasn't said. I was not faced with an expression of concern by someone who my note taking made uncomfortable. I personally, not my actions, was called into question. This lion goes for the throat. When it came clear that I couldn't stay and take notes, I quietly excused myself. I'm confident there would have been nothing more to discern, even had I stayed.
And when the devil had ended
all the temptation, he departed from him for a season.
Luke 4:13
He's no quitter, this lion. Some time a bit later, I had sat down in the church. The facilitator came in to me, said a few nice things, and then made it clear what the real agenda was: She wanted my notes, all of my notes, from the whole day, period. By putting pen to paper, I had breached confidentiality, was the claim, even if no one ever saw them. No chance. I work under a ministerial warrant of appointment, and that means I keep my mouth shut as a condition of my work, and I told her so. And if only I ever read them, what she claimed made no sense.
The group wanted me back for the wrap-up, so back to the room we went. No one was there; there was a coffee break, and that sounded good to me. Even if I was alone, though, the facilitator wasn't. Next, an organizer gets me outside, and now the hitting gets a little harder. Pretty soon, the spiritual guide for the day joins in, and this time, we are talking about really hard-hitting, personal in nature, and right in my face. When I looked around, everyone else who seemed to be part of the organizing effort had formed a semi-circle around me (my back was to a window into the lobby of the church). As she again reiterated that by merely putting pen to paper I had breached confidentiality, and demanded what I had written, the body language of those around me made it clear they were relishing the prospect of seeing the lion complete the kill. She never did.
For where two or three are
gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Matthew 18:20
In Ephesians chapter 6, St. Paul tells us to stand -- three times. I was standing, but with no visible means of support. When that dawned on me, it also dawned on me that it was quite unnecessary. My invisible support had prompted me to seek visible support in the person of my rector. Another lesson here: If they gang up on you, go get help. They WANT you to feel as alone as they can manage, and actually seem to draw encouragement from your evident isolation. Break that up.
Now my rector has an extensive counseling background, and from that perspective, let it be known that if confidentiality indeed meant no note taking, it should have been made explicitly clear, because even in counseling disciplines, there is no consensus on the point. That broke their control over the situation.
Submit yourselves therefore to
God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7
Our adversary, we must never forget, has no virtue. Now that he was thwarted, it was time for an end game. I wanted to make no one uneasy. If the group in the afternoon could be made easy by me tearing up the notes from the few minutes I was with them, no problem. But not the others. They took what they could get. They said the group wanted me back. Strange, I thought, since they also during the in-my-face part of the confrontation said the group didn't trust me. I just said no, thank you and went into the church. Even before he fled, the adversary tried to sucker me into a false witness. No deal.
The day wasn't quite over. There was a Eucharist to close. Just before it started, I heard weird -- or at least certainly non-church -- music. I looked up to see our spiritual guide, robed, striding around in exaggerated, dance-like steps, and waving her hands over the people, as if smoothing things out, in languid, sweeping arcs. Then she called on everyone to do another energy check, like at the start. (I didn't). She was also the homilist, and ended by exhorting us to be perfect as our "father, mother, parent in heaven" was perfect. (And yes, I was taking notes, and no, that wasn't part of a group session governed by the confidentiality agreement.) The theme was "the more of God," never defined.
Know this, though. When I went up to communion, I was still able take and eat, knowing that Christ had died for me, and feed on Him in my heart. Satan could torment Job, but not kill him. And he couldn't take the comfort of the sacrament my Lord had provided from me. Thanks be to God.
For we wrestle not against
flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers
of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12
This is not over. The adversary is much too determined to give up. Nor is it over for me with respect to this incident. I have a legal opinion in hand that I was defamed in a manner actionable per se in what was done, and have told those who did it that I have one. It is true that I am not weary of the race, but I do have a few leg cramps at the moment. Prayer, and giving them to God, should be just the lineament they need, and I intend to keep doing that.
If we can learn anything from this, it will be worthwhile. There will be times when the enemy will, despite our best efforts, find us alone and move in on us. Still, there is no point in making it easy for him. And if nothing else, occasions like this one remind us of the great truth St. Paul told us of in Ephesians Ch. 6. Let no one ever convince us that the answers to this and similar situations is just a mater of man's efforts. The enemy would like, and like very much, to have us believe precisely that, cutting us of from the source of sure strength, and making us forget that Jesus Himself has already defeated the enemy on the cross.