Introduction

The topic I've been asked to speak on is "handling rejection". I am glad that you have asked me to speak on this topic, for it is something that I had wanted to address myself already for a long time. Although it is a joy to see that every year the Lord sees to it that there are office bearers who are qualified to be used as leaders in the church, there are negative aspects to the process of choosing such men. Every year the council has a duty to make up a nomination list of those who are eligible for the office of elder or deacon. And everyone has a strong opinion about who should be on the list and who should not. It happens too frequently that some people are upset when "their man" is not on the list. Sometimes, a brother in the church who has not been put on the nomination list will be so upset that he makes it his mission from then on to make things quite miserable for the Council of the church. He would show that it in every way he could. Of course, he would not attribute that to not being put on the list, but it would be obvious to most of the office bearers that that is the reason for him being so difficult. He cannot handle the fact that he was rejected as a potential office bearer. By being critical he wants to show that he knows better than the office bearers how to run the church. By showing how incompetent they are, he wants to show how competent he himself is.

Now then, Paul says that if anyone sets his heart on being an overseer that then he desires a noble task. Paul says elsewhere it is an honour to be an office bearer if you rule well (1 Tim. 5:17). Indeed, it is an honour to serve God and his people in this way. But to whom should that honour be given?

Now, as I look at the list that Paul gives in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 as to who would qualify for the office of elder or deacon, then I stand amazed. I stand amazed at the fact that the Lord allows me to be an office bearer in his church. When I think about my lack of qualifications, then I almost become depressed. The older I get the worse it becomes. The only reason that I do not walk away from my office is that I feel that the Lord God has called me to this office. And so I have to humbly accept that and do what I'm required to do.

For how do we get chosen to the office? Well, when an office bearer is ordained then he has to answer the question whether or not he feels in his heart that God Himself, through his congregation, has called him to this office. He must confess and believe that the Lord God calls him to this office, and that He does so through the congregation. We may not put ourselves forward. You can of course prepare yourself for the office; indeed you also must do so. That is what I did when I went to the theological college in order to become a minister. But once I was finished with my studies, that did not necessarily mean that I would have to become a minister. No, I still had to be called by a congregation. God has called me through them. And the same thing is true of the office of elder and deacon.

For you see, we do not put ourselves into office. We do not take the honour upon ourselves. Even the Lord Jesus Christ Himself did not do so. That is what we read, for example in Hebrews 5: 4: "No one takes this honour upon himself; he must be called by God, just as Aaron was. So Christ also did not take upon himself the glory of becoming a high priest. But the God said to him, "You are my son; today I have become your Father." The Lord Jesus also says in the high priestly prayer in John 17:8, "They knew with certainty that I came from (the Father), and they believed that (the Father) sent me." The Lord Jesus was sent by the Father. He did not send himself. The same thing is true for us as office bearers. God calls us, and He does so through his congregation.

This was been done right from the start when the New Testament church was being established. The Lord Jesus had chosen 12 apostles, but after the death of Judas there was a vacancy. And so, they had to choose another apostle. One of the main qualifications for an apostle was that he had to be somebody who had been with the Lord Jesus during his time on earth, and who had witnessed his resurrection as well. And so they proposed two men with those qualifications. And after prayer they cast lots and the lot fell on one of them, namely Matthias, who was then added to the 11 apostles.

In this case the lot was used. In another case we read that the congregation chose from among themselves. The lot is not mentioned. I'm thinking of Acts 6 where we read about how the first seven deacons were chosen. All those assembled there were involved in choosing these men.

Now then, we as a reformed churches generally elect office bearers by ballot. Although, sometimes we also use the lot. I'm thinking of when we have a tie.

In order to understand why some are chosen, and others are rejected, we have to take a look carefully at the process in which office bearers are chosen.

Nominations

How is a nomination list made up? What is the process, and what kind of qualifications are the members of the Council looking for when they make up such a list? For if you want to know why certain people are rejected and others not, then you have to know what the process of election is all about. Well, as you know, the congregation is first approached to suggest names for the nomination list. And generally speaking not too many people take advantage of the opportunity to be involved at that stage of the election of office bearers. However, last year I was very pleasantly surprised that there were quite a few who did. There was a good participation by the congregation.

The first thing that is done on the actual nomination meeting is the calling upon the Lord in prayer. The prayer is a very important element of a nomination meeting, for the nomination process must be taken a very seriously, and there must be a full realization that each office bearer is held accountable by the Lord in everything he does and says. It is also important to ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance.

The first thing that is done it is to open the letters from the members of the congregation to see what names they would like to have on the nomination list. They are then automatically put on the gross list. An opportunity is also given to the office bearers to add to the nomination list. This is done differently in different congregations. In some churches the elders add names to the lists during the meeting, whereas in others they have to submit names just like everyone else. And then the Council goes through the list to see who to put on that list.

Qualifications

Who qualifies to be put on the nomination list? Technically any male member who has made public profession of faith should be eligible to be put on the list. However, those who are under discipline are of course automatically disqualified. There are also those who may not necessarily be under discipline, but who are disqualified for other reasons, either for biblical or practical reasons.

Those who are excluded for biblical reasons would be those male members who, although they are not yet under discipline, are walking a fine line in that regard. For example those who make little or no financial contributions to the church; those who are sporadic in their church attendance; those whose marriages are in shambles; those who habitually fall into a gross public sin, such as those who are habitually enslaved to certain things like alcohol or pornography. If these things are well-known to the office bearers, and also to the church itself, then such a person will automatically not be considered.

Others are excluded for practical reasons. For example, older men in the congregation whose health obviously will not allow them to serve. Also those who have severe hearing difficulties, or mobility problems would also naturally be excluded. As would those who are mentally handicapped, and who obviously do not have the mental capacity to serve as in elder or a deacon. Also someone who has only just made public profession of faith would automatically be excluded. Spiritual maturity is necessary, and that has to be proven first.

For the rest, however, everyone should be eligible to serve. If anyone of the foregoing has been nominated by anyone in the church, they will be taken from the list. This requires no discussion in the Council room. It is obvious to everyone. At this point there is no disagreement.

However, having excluded the above, then the actual nomination process starts. Now then, as I said, nominations are made on the basis of biblical and practical reasons. But now also preferential reasons come into play. And that is especially where the personal responsibility of each office bearer comes into play.

That, of course, is also the case with the members of the congregation when they make suggestions for the nomination list. They are also supposed to do so on the basis of biblical, practical and preferential criteria. The members of the congregation should not put someone on the list whom they know to be living in a certain sin, without repenting. They also make nominations for preferential reasons.

The Council does the same. But, now the greater responsibility falls on the shoulders of the members of Council. For now they have to make up the actual list. And the Council also knows more about the private lives of the members the churches than the congregation at large.

How does the Council decide? Well, the one thing that an office bearer has to watch out for is that he does not exclude others for personal reasons. It may be, for example, that you have had a run-in with someone, and that you hold a grudge. And so, you don't want him. Or you take over someone else's opinion, and listen to rumors and slander and innuendo, without checking things out properly. As we confess in the Heidelberg catechism, we should not condemn anyone rashly or unheard. And that is why in my prayer before the nomination list is made up, and in my comments beforehand, I will always mention that each office bearer must have God's interests in mind, and not his own selfish interests.

It is not a popularity contest either. The most popular person is not necessarily the best elder or deacon. Someone who dares to stand alone when he is truly convinced that he is right, is not always a popular person. Such a person should not be excluded. A Council should not be made up of like-minded individuals. On the contrary a diversity of opinions should be represented in the Council room, as long as the office bearer is willing to be bound by the Scriptures, and the confessions. It is healthy to have men of different backgrounds and opinions on Council.

Scriptural criteria

1. Personal reputation

What then are the criteria to be used? Well, the Scriptures give us clear guidance. Although this list is by no means exhaustive, one of the best-known passages regarding the qualifications for office bearers is the one in 1 Timothy 3. He says in verse 2 and 3, "Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money."

As you look at these qualities, it is striking that the qualities that Paul mentions here have to do with how you relate to your neighbour. Do you love him or her? Does that show? One of the most important qualities of an office bearer is that he must be a kind and gentle man. He is not an angry, or quarrelsome person. He is not someone who thinks that the truth is served by speaking whatever is on his mind, but who relates God's truth to the person of whom he is put in charge, in a way that he can win the other person over. He thinks of ways how he can convince others of the right way before God. He agonizes over how he can bring a brother or sister over to a biblical point of view.

Paul says he must be above reproach. And then he has in mind not only a man's reputation in the church, but also in the world. That is why he says in verse 7 that an office bearer must have a good reputation with outsiders. If you do not have a good reputation in the community, how can you serve as an office bearer? Someone who is engaged in shady business practices, who behaves himself badly in public, who is rude and inconsiderate, does not show the kind of love that God requires for an office bearer. The world laughs at us when someone like that is given a place of leadership and honour in the church.

His reputation must especially be above reproach within the church itself. Someone who is quarrelsome, who has a short fuse, and who always goes against the stream for the sake of being controversial, is more of a hindrance than a help. Let's be frank. There are brothers in the congregation who have a lot of knowledge and experience, yet who have a hard time functioning as elder or a deacon in the church. Why? Because they are not kind. They are not gentle. And people are somewhat afraid of them. They're afraid of their angry outbursts, their intemperate and judgmental language, and of their inability to listen to others. It may well be that they may have a good knowledge of Scripture, of the confessions, and also the Church Order. In that sense they can rule well. But, they lack the people skills. Good knowledge does not necessarily mean good sense.

2. Family life

Note well that within this short passage about the qualification for an office bearer, Paul has a lot to say about his family life. With regard to both the elder and the deacon he mentions that he must manage his children and his household well. He also says that his children must obey him with proper respect. And then he adds a whole verse stating that if he does not know how to manage his own family, how can you take care of God's church?

Indeed, there is something seriously wrong when a brother is not able to manage his family. It may well be that the problems are due to the fact that he married someone who is not willing to live a life obedient to the Lord, and who is quarrelsome and hard to live with. That also has consequences for his relationship with his children. For children are influenced by both father and mother. But, even in such a case, such a brother will have his hands full with his own family, and will not have the energy to serve as an office bearer. All his attention is needed to keep his family life as peaceful as possible.

More often such family problems are due to the husband and father himself. For the Lord God appointed him as head of the family. If he does not exercise his headship properly, then there will be chaos in the family. A proper head of the family takes responsibility for what happens within the family as such. He does not give over that responsibility to anyone else, including his wife. This headship of the husband is compared in Ephesians 5 to the headship of Christ over the church. And so, he must exercise his headship in accordance with the way the Lord Jesus exercised his headship. The Lord Jesus was gentle and kind. He sacrificed Himself totally for the church. He came to serve, and not to be served. He also served by example. He was compassionate, kind and understanding. He was able to gently lead others to the truth. Although He was a firm, He was not harsh. He was also able to teach. These are the very qualities that are needed for elders in the church as well.

3. Knowledge

The Lord Jesus taught not only by example, but also with words. That is why they also called him "Rabbi", teacher. He taught his disciples from the Scriptures. He quoted them and applied them to their everyday lives. An elder or a deacon must also be able to do that. And therefore, he must also prepare himself for the office by making himself familiar with the Scriptures, and with the way they are summarized in our confessions. You cannot come with your own opinion to the people whom God has put to in your charge. No, you have to come to them with God's Word. And how can you do that if you are not familiar with the Scriptures themselves? That doesn't mean that you have to be able to know the Scriptures backwards and frontwards. No, but the essential truths of the Scriptures should be at your fingertips. An officebearer should also be knowledgeable about church life. Does he agreed magazines such as the Clarion, Reformed Perspective or other reformed magazines?

4. Financial affairs

Paul also says that a prospective office bearer should not be a lover of money. That means that he must manage his financial affairs well. In the first place, he should not be a greedy person, whose goal in life is to acquire as many possessions as he can for himself, and in this way to store up treasures for himself here on earth. When you get married you make the promise that you will work faithfully in your daily calling, so that you may support not only your family but also to help those in need. In other words, generosity, and concern for others in material matters is supposed to be an important quality of an office bearer.

His life must also show that he is concerned that the ministry of the Word can be financially sustained. And the ministry of the Word does not just include the local church, but also the work for mission, mission aid, and outreach in the community. That also means support for the education of, not only his own children, but also the children of the church. And therefore, he should be a member of the school society. That means that his personal budget has church and school as the first items on this personal budget. Of course, the one does not have the same financial resources as the other, but everyone can at least give something. We have money for many other things, yet with some people money for the church and school is one of the last items on the budget, if at all.

If someone is not able to manage his financial affairs well enough to be able to contribute anything at all to these kinds of causes, then there is a serious question as to whether such a person should serve as an office bearer.

The final list

Now then, the office bears will have different opinions as to whether or not a certain person possesses certain of the qualities or not, or to what extent. These opinions should not be expressed in the council room as such. Before the meeting I will exhort the office bearers to keep their various opinions about people to themselves. Each office bearer has a responsibility before the Lord to determine in the light of Scriptures whether or not he believes this or that person possesses the necessary qualities. It sometimes happens that a member of council is so convinced that a person does or does not have certain qualities, that he feels the need to express that at the council meeting. But, it’s his personal opinion. As much as it is in my power I try to keep him from doing that. Office bearers must keep their personal opinions to themselves. And if someone is or is not on the list in opposition to their wishes, then they should acquiesce with the majority. That is also what the male members of the church have to do when the actual election takes place.

Once a nomination list has been made up, then a Council is saying that all those brothers nominated are eligible for the office. Then we leave it up to the congregation to take which one they prefer.

Rejection

What then about those members who have been rejected? Well, those who have not been put on the list for obvious biblical reasons, will have had those issues addressed by his ward elders during regular home visits, and special visits. If you, for example, do not pay your financial contributions to the church, then the office bearers will have approached you about that. If not, then they are derelict in their duty. Or, if you have problems with serious addictions, the office bears will be regularly involved in your life as well. And then it is obvious that as long as you are still seriously struggling with that issue, that then you will not be an office bearer. That does not mean that you cannot be one down the road. But, there first has to be a time of testing. The Council, and also the church has to see that you have dealt with your problem, and that now you are leading the godly life. Those who have been rebuked by his ward elder must repent, and such repentance must show. That takes time.

However, what if you have been rejected for other reasons, reasons you may not be even aware of yourself? Well, then self-examination is necessary. If you are really concerned about this, then you can ask others, godly brothers in the church, why it is that you are not considered for the office. (I once had someone asked me why he was not on the list. He asked this in humility. Then I reminded him that he had told me once that as soon as his children were old enough he would leave his wife. At that point I had rebuked him for such an attitude, and told him to work better at his relationship with his wife. He never recanted that statement, and the indications were still there that he had not changed his mind. When I reminded him of this, he reluctantly accepted that fact, even though we both knew that in many other ways he would have been capable.)

There may be other factors in your life that you yourself are not aware of. And that is why you have to listen carefully to the preaching through which you are exhorted to live a Christian lifestyle. Do these exhortations apply to me? As your minister I try to be very much aware of what lives in the congregation. I make many visits, and have a lot of contact with the various members of the congregation, much more so than any other office bearer. After all, that is my task. My preaching will deal with the serious sins in the church. I address them. And each person must examine himself whether or not he is personally addressed.

I have to do that myself as well. When I prepare my sermons, I have myself also very much in mind. I try to be aware of my own weaknesses, and I am truly sorry for my sins. I do try to live a Christian lifestyle, so that I can be a blessing to my family and to the church. And above all so that I may give glory to the name of God. But all of you have to do the same. You may not ignore the warnings that come from the pulpit.

I sometimes have the feeling that people will shrug off certain exhortations thinking that this either does not apply to them, or that the minister is way out in left field. If you think that the latter is the case, then I would like to know that, and be given the reasons for it. For I certainly can be wrong about certain things.

Office bearers can also be wrong about certain impressions that they have of prospective office bearers. And therefore within council there has to be the openness to examine whether or not the various criteria are consistently applied. Are we excluding someone for biblical reasons, or for personal reasons? Are we excluding somebody because he has been somewhat of a thorn in the side of the council in the past? Well, sometimes the council needs to be corrected. And let's be glad that there are brothers who do so. It is especially those kinds of brothers, who do it out of love and concern for the church, who should be part of the council.

As I said earlier, one of the most important qualities of an office bearer is his willingness to serve. If you are someone who is willing, and eager to serve the church, then this will no doubt be noted by the members of the church. And then the office will seek the man, and not the man the office. For the person doesn't do these things because he wants the honour of the office, but because he truly as a love for God and his people.

If all you are after is the title and the honour of the office , then you are not the man the church needs. For then you want to do it for your own honour. Then you do it, not because you want to serve, but because you want to be served. And that then will also become obvious in the way that you would conduct yourself as an office bearer. For then you'll want to come with the weight of your office, and read the riot act to everyone who is out of line. And then when someone opposes you, you are angry because after all, you are an office bearer and he is not. You are better than the other person, and therefore he or she should respect you. Respect is something that is earned, not demanded by the person himself.

There are also those who would rather not be an office bearer. Some do not want to be an office bearer because it is too much work. Well, then you are not being an image bearer of Christ, as you are supposed to be. For then you do not want to serve others, like He served us. And that is the duty of every Christian. And once you do serve others within the church, then that'll also become noticeable to others. And then they will want to put you in office. They will want to have you on the list. And then, how can you refuse? For then the Lord God is calling you, through his congregation. It is wonderful to be allowed to serve as an office bearer in the church.

Others may not want the office because they do not think that they are qualified. Well, in that regard your own opinion does not count. If others say that you are qualified, then you also have to accept that. For people will make that judgment on the basis of Scripture. At least, that is what they are supposed to do.

It is possible of course that because of your family situation, or because of other duties that you have within the church that you may not be able to serve at a certain point in your life. But, generally that should only be a temporary situation.

There is nothing more beautiful than being an office bearer in the church. Paul says in Romans 10: 14-15, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Oh sure, an elder or a deacon is not a preacher. But he does come with God's Word. He comes with God's Word into the homes. He comes with God's Word to those who are distressed, to the sick, to the needy and to the distressed. How beautiful it is to serve in the church of the Lord.

Note: Rev. Slomp's speech is also available on DVD. Contact the steering committee to borrow the DVD.