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You don't know where you're goin'
But you know you won't be back
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Big wheels roll through fields
Where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreamsThis Train
Carries saints and sinners
This Train
Carries losers and winners
...
This Train
Dreams will not be thwarted
This Train
Faith will be rewarded
...
This Train
Carries broken-heartedBruce Springsteen, Land of Hope and Dreams
Well, thankfully, I had one dear Christian brother who faithfully prayed for me daily as I was going through my "dark night of the soul" episode. He would sometimes come over after work, close to midnight, just to pray and talk with me. And there were times I would call him at 2:00 in the morning when the loneliness and and pain was too much to bear. If not for his faithful support, God only knows where my rebellion would have led me.
four billion people surround us
so many souls lose their way
all that we have is each other
and that's all I've ever wantedJann Arden, Sleepless
The healing process was long and painful, as God dealt with all the anger, bitterness and hurt in my heart. But I awoke one morning at the dawn of a new year with a renewed sense of His sovereignty and His love. I penned a poem and some reflections on my hopes and dreams. Later that year, God demonstrated his love and mercy towards me by bringing a wonderful woman into my life. The rest is history. ;-)
However, there was a slight problem. My wife was a member of the same church that was affiliated with the small group that I used to be a part of. The same church that the loving and helpful pastor (with his 2 minute prayer) was a member of. Ah, God does have a sense of humour!
Well I decided to be forgiving and reluctantly agreed to attend with my wife. I soon committed myself to serve and be involved with my new church family. But I knew I would never survive long in a traditional Asian church (been there, done that), especially one with a very hierarchical leadership structure. Sure enough, trouble soon reared its ugly head ... In the two or three years I was there, my wife and I had given much time and energy to serving in various capacities, and my wife had made some good friends there. One of the brothers (who eventually became one of the elders) expressed dismay at how I was treated by the leaders, but when I left, he backstabbed me. Only one of the pastors was able to discuss the matter calmly with me (and he suddenly "resigned" shortly after my wife and I left). One of the elders called me a "heretic" to my face in my own home.
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I was deeply wounded by the experience, but by the grace of God, I was preserved from bitterness. However, this experience confirmed my growing conviction that traditional church life and leadership structures needs to be re-examined and reformed. The whole clergy-laity dichotomy and the professionalization of ministry seemed totally at odds with the NT picture. Furthermore, the fact that one could be part of a church for years, and not know over half the people seemed wrong. And the fact that the leaders had little or no relationship with most of the flock was clearly an abberation. |
