[Vancouver's Weather]
[Mom's Dictionary] [Big Apple Stew]
[Sex and Sailing]
[What is a Grandmother?]
A newcomer to Vancouver arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" the kid says, "How should I know? I'm only 6."
:-) :-)
"I can't believe it, " said the tourist. "I've been here in Vancouver an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?" "Well, that's hard to say, " replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."
:-) :-)
Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Vancouver?
A: An average weekend
:-) :-)
Q: What did the Vancouver native say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?
A: "Nice tan."
:-) :-)
Meteorological experts were predicting a gargantuan rain storm that would devastate the Pacific NW with a massive flood.
The Archbishop went on national TV and said, "We have to ask ourselves, is this a repeat of the great flood which Noah was warned of, and which destroyed all life on the planet? I think that perhaps it is, only this time, no one has built an ark. We can only pray to God for mercy, pray that he can forgive whatever wrongs we may have committed, and pray for the lives of those trapped in the area."
The Prime Minister went on national TV and announced, "I have declared a state emergency. Our scientists are predicting that this will be one of the worst floods in world history. We have made all the preparations we can. We have aid packages ready to deploy when waters recede. Now we can only wait and pray for the people in that region."
The Vancouver evening news came on and said, "Today's five day forecast....same as usual."
:-) :-)
Q: What does daylight savings time mean in Vancouver?
A: An extra hour of rain.
:-) :-)
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of Heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan..... "Excuse me, Satan," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Vancouver... they're too damn wet to burn yet."
:-) :-)
Q: What do you call blue skies in Vancouver?
A: A 30 second time out.
:-) :-)
Q: What do you call a clear day in Vancouver after two days
of torrential rain?
A: Monday.
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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la france!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?" And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe!!"
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* Both are very enjoyable if you get a good blow.
* Both are fun as long as you can keep your mast up.
* Sometimes when it's really intense the foredeck work can be very wet.
* Crewed boats are a lot more fun than one-man dinghies.
* The size of your dinghy doesn't determine how you will do in the regatta.
* It's not the size of your boat, its your "seamanship" skills.
* It's no fun single-handing it.
* It's best if she has a fair bottom.
* It can be enjoyable to get tied up.
* If you're not sure of the conditions, its best to put on your rubber gear.
* Looking at pictures of it always makes you want to do it.
* Sometimes couples have different ideas of how far they are willing to go.
* If you spend lots of money on her, she'll reward you with good performance.
* You don't want to get left high and dry.
* When conditions are great, and you're really going for it, it can get pretty bouncy.
* You've got to keep coordinated with the wave action, or it can break your rhythm.
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Written by a Grade 3 student, Age 9
A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes for walks with the boys and they talk about fishin' and tractors and stuff like that.
Grandmothers don't have to do anything except be there. They are old so they shouldn't run or play hard. It's enough they drive us to the market where the pretend horse is and have lots of quarters ready...or if they take us for walks they slow down past things like pretty flowers and caterpillars. And they never say "hurry up."...
Usually grandmothers are fat, but not to fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums off. Grandmothers don't have to be smart; only answer questions like "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"
Everyone should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have a television, because they are the only grown-ups who have time.
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