by Ruth Smythers
beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers Pastor
of
the
Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference Published
in
the year of our Lord 1894 Spiritual Guidance Press New York City.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten:
On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex it at best revolting and at worst rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage. By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn. Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.
Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband. If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he is huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.
As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow.
Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact
that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have
been
working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of
guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the
marriage
couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and
subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly
pursues
her
goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire
for
sexual expression.
"Let's take your car." Really means....
"Woman driver." Really means....
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means....
"It's a guy thing." Really means....
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means....
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....
"Good idea."
Really means....
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means....
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means....
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means....
"I got a lot done."
Really means....
"We're going to be late."
Really means....
"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means....
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means....
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means....
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means....
"It's a really good movie."
Really means...
"That's women's work."
Really means....
"Will you marry me?"
Really means....
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means....
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means....
"Football is a man's game."
Really means....
"Oh, don't fuss.I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means....
"I do help around the house."
Really means....
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means....
"I can't find it."
Really means....
"What did I do this time?"
Really means....
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means....
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
Really means....
"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means....
"I heard you."
Really means....
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means....
"You look terrific."
Really means....
"I brought you a present."
Really means....
"I missed you."
Really means....
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means....
"We share the housework."
Really means....
"This relationship is getting serious."
Really means....
"I recycle."
Really means....
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means....
"It sure snowed last night."
Really means....
"It's good perfume."
Really means....
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means....
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means....
"I broke up with her."
Really means....
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means....