I'm tired...

    For several years, I've been blaming it on middle age, iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, underarm odor, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.

    But now I found out, none of those are why I'm tired.

    I'm tired because I'm overworked.

    The population of this country is roughly 200 million, 84 million are retired leaving 116 million to do the work. There are 75 million in school, which leaves 41 million to do the work. Of this total, there are 22 million employed by the government. That leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from that the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons.

    That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired.

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      25 Reasons why dogs are better than mates

    1. Dogs don't cry.

    2. Dogs love it when your friends come over.

    3. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

    4. Dogs think you sing great.

    5. A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.

    6. Dogs don't expect you to call them when you're running late.

    7. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

    8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

    9. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dogs name.

    10. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

    11. Anyone can get a good looking dog.

    12. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

    13. Dogs don't shop.

    14. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

    15. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

    16. A dog's parents never come to visit.

    17. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

    18. Dogs don't hate their bodies.

    19. No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood.

    20. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you have ever had.

    21. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry..

    22. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

    23. Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger than a lobster dinner.

    24. Dogs never expect gifts.

    25. Dogs never criticize.

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      Some things you would never know if it weren't for TV!

    • If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

    • If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

    • All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

    • It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    • Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

    • The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

    • You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

    • When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

    • Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

    • During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    • Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

    • Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

    • Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

    • Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

    • Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

    • Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

    • When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    • Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

    • When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

    • Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

    • No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

    • Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

    • It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

    • Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one.

    • If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

    Compliments of Jenny's Art-Shoppe

    More "Just for a smile"