REALITY TELEVISION - By Jez

Over here in Britain, for one night only, the Big Brother final is about to take place. Perhaps some of you aren’t familiar with the Big Brother concept, so ill give you a quick summary USING BULLET POINTS.

· Take a house
· Fill it with cameras
· Select 10 willing ‘stars’
· Place them in the house
· Every week, conduct a phone poll to remove one
· During the week, broadcast their hilarious antics – doing the dishes, washing their clothes, being vaguely racist LIVE - 24 hours a day
· Repeat until concept is predictable and boring, then repeat again.

Now, to some of you, this concept may sound expensive and worthless. NOT SO. Firstly, filling up countless hours of television footage can be expensive. Instead of shelling out, why not get the audience to pay for the show by charging them for ‘voting’?

Some of you might not be quite convinced yet, but believe me, this is the way of the future. Phone polls, cameras everywhere – imagine the possibilities. We already have a reality show where someone has to pick their bride LIVE, so why not have everyone’s relationships controlled by millions of unemployable windowlicking retards who have nothing better to do than sit in front of the television scratching their genitalia whilst simultaneously sending a text message that says OMG JON IZ 2 DREEMY to all their ‘M8s.’ Better yet, we all saw the fuss made over the decision to go to war with Iraq – wouldn’t it have been so much better if that was conducted by phone poll? Imagine – Bush, Kofi Annan, Blair, Chirac all in a house for 10 weeks – TO THE VICTOR, THE OILS.

Jack the Ripper wrote that he was ‘the Midwife of the 20th Century’. The 21st was ushered in the second some TV executive said ‘Hey, I’ve got a great idea………’

Please do not for one second think that there is no escape from this awful threat, but immediate action is required. Everyone must do their part. For example, when you are next on public transport, and some inconsiderate oaf is sitting next to you with his ‘personal stereo’ blaring out the latest ‘rap hit’, merely drop the offending item in some lightly salted water. The resulting short circuit will hopefully cause electricity to surge up the headphones and lobotomise the oaf. As a mental inadequate, he/she will be unable to vote, whether by phone or any other means. THE FUTURE WILL BE SAFE.

Take the fight to them.

Opinions by Jez are right. If you do not agree with these or any of the opinions of The Jerks On This Website please email that brick wall over there.