****CIA TRANSCRIPT****
***CONFIDENTIAL****
***INTERCEPTED 05/24/03****
***MUST GIVE TO ‘FRIENDLY MEDIA’ ASAP****

MESSAGE READS AS FOLLOWS

Salaam Alekuum, this is Radio Freedom; broadcasting LIVE direct to you the people at wholesale prices oh yes indeed sir. My name is err, [indistinct muttering] yes, SADDAM HUSSEIN and I am here to tell you, the American imperialist pigdog oppressors what really happened to our big banging germ Cough-Cough bombs oh yes.

Your filthy government has been telling you the TRUTH all along. They merely uncovered my fiendish plan just a tiny bit too late. Our plan was as follows

1) LIE about existence of Cough-Cough Bombs when all the time we were aiming them at places near to your home folks oh yes. Our primary objective was to strike with devastating force at the places you Americans love the most – your ‘kindergartens’ with their ‘cops’, your ‘shopping malls’ infested with ‘mall rats’, and most of all at the heart of your government – THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW with your donkeys marrying men who dress as ladies, and your ‘whoo whoo whoo’ and the shaking of the hand in a circular motion oh yes. HOWEVER WE WERE UNABLE TO CARRY OUT THIS PLAN THANKS TO THE INTELLIGENCE AND BRAVERY OF YOUR PRESIDENT BUSH.

2) SO we had to go to plan B. AS SHOULD BE IMMEDIATELY OBVIOUS when faced with a massively overpowering force and certain death THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTION IS TO DESTROY OUR ONLY EFFECTIVE WEAPON i.e. the Cough-Cough Bombs PLACING THEM PERMANENTLY OUT OF USE. It amazes me that this is not grasped by some members of your hedonistic society, probably drunk on crack juice oh yes I’ve seen Dangerous Minds I know what goes on. Obviously, we would not want to actually keep such weapons if they meant that we could actually WIN the war.

HOWEVER STUPID WESTERN INFIDEL PIGS DO NOT THINK MY EVIL PLANS ARE COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND. I have Ace in my hole oh yes – KILLER SARS HIDDEN IN BOTTLES OF FRENCH WINE AND OTHER EUROPEAN PRODUCE! THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID A MAXIMUM TERROR FUNPARTY IS TO IMMEDIATELY INCINERATE ALL EUROPEAN PRODUCE INCLUDING LITERATURE AND OPINIONS TO PREVENT YOURSELVES FROM BEING INFECTED WITH SARS!

THIS HAS BEEN YOUR FINAL WARNING THERE WILL BE NO MORE OH YES!

And now some music. Here is Clash with ‘Rocking the Kasbah’. LETS ROCK FOR ISLAM!
[Indistinct muttering]

OH YES AND I AM BEST OF FRIENDS WITH AL QUAEDA WE HAVE SLEEPOVERS PRESIDET BUSH WORKED THAT OUT TOO DAMN HIM!

END TRANSMISSION