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Malamute Rules-
We compiled these
rules from those given out on the internet.
We added some of our own too!!!
1) After
your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run
to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is
especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
2)
Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the
house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works
when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
3)
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the
humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the
humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
4) Make
your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee,' sniff around
the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go
pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
5)
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the
busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure
everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have
forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6)
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a
strange human walks by.
7)
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing
fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
8)
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at
the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something
terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans
is panic-stricken and close to tears).
9)
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk
as slowly as possible back to the door.
10)
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make
the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back
inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)
MORE....
Visitors:
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room,
barking loudly and leap playfully on this person.
If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face
and growl gently to show your concern.
Barking:
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark -- a lot. Your
owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially
late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no
more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of
the night hearing you protective bark, bark, bark...
Licking:
Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking
your human.
Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
Holes:
Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting
your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't
notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole,
maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the
ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
Doors:
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family
dog to sleep.
The Art Of Sniffing:
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog
to accommodate them.
Dining Etiquette:
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests,
so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor.
It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking:
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house
as possible.
Going For Walks:
Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress,
never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
Couches:
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your
humans have gone to bed.
Playing:
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the
flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself.
Chasing Cats:
When chasing cats, make sure you never--quite--catch them. It spoils all
the fun.
Chewing:
Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe.
Even
MORE!!!!! .....
If I saw it first it is mine.
If it is in my mouth it is mine.
If I chewed it once it is mine.
If I have one paw still in the stay position..............then I AM
STILL in the stay position!!!
If it is food it is mine.
If I sat there once it is my spot.
If you left it on the floor it is mine.
These following are the house Rules at our place (I'm not
kidding this is framed on the wall!)
TO THOSE
WHO VISIT OUR HOME:
1)
The dogs live here you don’t.
2)
If you don’t want dog hair on
your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3)
Yes, they have some disgusting
habits. So do you & I, what’s your point?
4)
OF COURSE they smell like a dog.
5)
It’s their nature to try to
sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff theirs.
6)
I
like them a lot better than we like most people.
7)
To you they are dogs. To me they
are adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours,
don’t speak clearly and slobber. I have no problem with any of
these things.
8)
Dogs are better than kids; they
eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train,
usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out
with drug using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about
whether they have the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes and
don’t need a gazillion dollars for college.
DOGS LIVE HERE
If you don't
want to be greeted with paws and wiggly rears,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.
If you don't
like the feel of a cold nose or wet tongue,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.
If you don't
want to step over scattered toys,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.
If you think a
home ought to smell like perfume,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.
If you can't
treat my dogs gently and with respect,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.
If you don't
like the sound of a Woo Woo hello,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.
But if you
don't mind all this, you'll be instantly loved
when you do come inside, Because DOGS LIVE HERE!
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