|
|
|
|
Most up-to-date pictures of Baby Malcolm can be found here. November 27, 2006 I learned a new phrase this week. "Blow-out". For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, I will explain it thusly: Blow-out n 1. A catastrophic failure of the common disposable diaper, whereby baby-poop is explosively expelled from the containment area (and all over the furniture or person unfortunate enough to be underneath said area). This is almost (but not quite) as bad as the word I learned shortly after Malcolm's birth: Meconium n 1. A new-born baby's first bowel movement. 2. A greenish-black substance that builds up in the bowels of a growing fetus and is normally discharged shortly after birth. I called this 'substance' Demon Sludge. Nothing can quite prepare you for it. At one point, Malcolm was more like a Play-dough Fun Factory™ than a new human. And it sticks to any surface like tar - it doesn't wash off without steel wool and turpentine. If they mentioned this stuff in sexual education class in high-school, it would scare the kids out of having sex so much that the entire human species would be extinct within a generation. Thank god this kid is so damn cute. Otherwise, I'd have traded him in long ago.
October 28, 2006 Contest winners & more pictures! By popular demand, more pictures of Malcolm and his uncanny knack for celebrity impressions can be found here. The winners of the Caption Contest are: Joe and Tara! A case of beer will be presented upon their next visit to the Döllinger-Hall residence. Joe and Tara, please specify your brand in an e-mail. The winning caption: Doctor: "More gas! More gas!...and hold those reference materials higher where I can see them (HU-U-U-UFFFF!) and get those elves out of the operating room! This is supposed to be a sterile environment!!!"
Honorable mention (and a plate of 20 Shark Club wings) goes to Mike M. and his observational humour with: Nurse in middle: "Your tits look good today Maggie." (Look closely at the picture.) For everyone's amusement, below follows the complete list of submissions (in order of receipt). Thanks to all for your creative (and sometimes downright insulting) two cents. Scott: Honey I am feeling faint. Doctor: We have a code sissy in here. Nurse: There goes another one. (Brandon M.) Doctor: WE GOT A BLEEDER!!! (Brandon M.) Doctor: I thought we were doing a C-Section on the wife!!!! (Kirsten C.) Scott: Hey Doc...What's that you have clamped in the tweezers? (Darrell T.) Nurses: OK girls, get ready with the oxygen...Scott should be on the floor any second now... (Darrell T.) Doctor: Dang! Another Microsoft virus, I just lost the birthing instructions on the computer monitor! Next time we prep for birth, we're stencilling the instructions on the mother's stomach! Nurse, any ideas?! (Steve B.) Doctor: Errr....how did they do this on ER again? (Jenn A.) Nurses: Bet that his certifications were forged. I've got 50 bucks. (Jenn A.) Doctor: I wonder where my scalpel went? (Jason L.) Nurses: Do you guys smell something? (Jason L.) Doctor: I can't believe you actually hit the bull’s-eye from this angle. Give me that dart; I want next shot! (Mike M.) Scott: Oh my god you've killed her! You've killed her damn you, and she's all I've got left! (Mike M.) Scott (as he gently shakes her shoulder): Uh, excuse me...honey...Kristine...uh...can you hurry it up a bit, Family Guy starts in 45 minutes...thanks dear. (Mike M.) Nurses in Background: What is that guy doing? Should we tell him his wife got rolled out 15 minutes ago or let him figure it out on his own? (Mike M.) Doctor: in middle: OK, what’s next.... can you guys read step 8 from here? (Mike M.) Doctor: This autopsy certainly seems to be going well. What's that?.........Caesarian????!!!! ... Nurse, some sutures please. (Joe and Tara) Nurse 1: 10 bucks says the doc drops this one on the floor too. Nurse 2: Sucker bet! (Joe and Tara) Scott: If you don't make it, honey, I'll call him (gulp!) Kristine. (Joe and Tara) Doctor: Patty Cake, Patty Cake..... gauze it, scalpel it and mark it with a K, Get the baby out the oven for Kristine and Scott today.... Hmm maybe we should call this one a K-section. (Curtis E.) Nurses: I wonder if this couple realizes the doctor has been sharing her meds? (Curtis E.) Doctor: “DUDE, STOP..…you gotta see this goal!!!!!” (Rob McT.)
October 13, 2006 Excerpt from newspaper announcement: Kristine Monique Döllinger and Robert Scott Hall are overjoyed to announce the birth of their first child and son, Malcolm Newton Hall on October 13, 2006. Let w = 32.81 N (7lb 6oz); L = 0.052 m (20.5 inches); t = 2400 s (12:40 am). Therefore, (w*L)/t = 2(very proud parents).
1. The happy family mere hours after Malcolm's birth. Note Mom's drug-induced glow. 2. Little Malcolm in his 'Ramones' sleeper, getting ready to go home from the hospital. 3. Malcolm sleeping. 4. Malcolm sleeping some more. We've got, like, a bazillion of photos of a sleeping baby now. Kristine just can't stop taking them. Yes, he's finally here. He put up a bit of a fight entering into this world - as Kristine's 48 hours of contractions and a darling little c-section scar can attest. But we're happy to have him here, and we think he feels the same way (or it could just be gas). And speaking of gas, he doesn't really do much else except nurse, poop (and burp/fart) and sleep. I'm almost a little disappointed. I mean, a few party tricks in his repertoire would've been nice - 'pull-my-finger' or chin-ups on the shower-curtain rod (I've tried them both) or something. Oh well, we'll just have to wait and see. In case some of you are wondering who won the baby-naming contest, the winner is: none of you. Honestly, I was getting suggestions like 'Valento' and 'Godfried'! I might as well have made a t-shirt for him to wear for school saying "Kick The Crap Out Of Me, Please!". I'll be keeping the case of beer I offered up for the prize and drinking it myself. In case you're wondering about how we chose his names, Malcolm is a good old Scottish family name (it also came to us when we were watching 'Firefly' on DVD). Newton is after Sir Isaac Newton (mathematician and scientist) - we're hoping it has a good influence on him - and we just like the nickname Newt. My apologies for the delay in posting these photos - I meant to have something up a few days ago but adjusting to a new-born's schedule has been a time-consuming and exhaustive experience. Plus I was having technical difficulties with the website. Check back after the weekend, and I'll have some more posted.
NEW CONTEST: Create a caption for the photo below. Deadline: October 28, 2006. Prize: A different case of beer. Don't disappoint me - my liver can't take any more of your collective failures to amuse me! E-mail your creativity to moggybc@telus.net (include the subject "Contest" with your submission).
Examples: Doctor: "I don't understand... this appendix looks perfectly healthy!" Nurses in background: "I can't believe they paged us at The Monkey Tree* for THIS!" * For the out-of-towners, The Monkey Tree is a pub. |
|
Send mail to
MoggyBC@telus.net with questions or comments about this web site.
|
1.
2.
3.
4.