Short Call
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour,
and then she hung up.“Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied the girl.
Drum Sticks
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when
he was passed by a 3-legged chicken. He accelerated and passed the
chicken. Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was
driving at 100 kph. The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down
a side road. The man followed it into a farmyard but couldn’t find it
anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the story and the man asked
for an explanation. The farmer said that he, his wife and his son all
liked chicken legs so he bred 3-legged chickens.
“What do they taste like?” asked the man.
“I don’t know”, replied the farmer, “we haven’t caught one yet”
“What do they taste like?” asked the man.
“I don’t know”, replied the farmer, “we haven’t caught one yet”
A Little Monkey Business
A tourist walks into a pet shop in
Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he’s
there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have
a C monkey, please”. The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the
side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and
hands it to the customer, saying “That’ll be $5,000”. The customer pays
and walks out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, “That was a very expensive monkey-most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?”
“Oh”, says the shopkeeper, “that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.” The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage.
He says to the shop keeper, “That one’s even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?”
“Oh”, says the shopkeeper, “that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff.” The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.
He gasps to the shop keeper, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”
“Well,” says the shopkeeper, “I don’t know if it actually does anything, but says it’s a Consultant.”
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, “That was a very expensive monkey-most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?”
“Oh”, says the shopkeeper, “that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.” The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage.
He says to the shop keeper, “That one’s even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?”
“Oh”, says the shopkeeper, “that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff.” The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.
He gasps to the shop keeper, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”
“Well,” says the shopkeeper, “I don’t know if it actually does anything, but says it’s a Consultant.”
Smart Dog
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter....First Woman : “My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.”
Second Woman : “I know...”
First Woman : “How?”
Second Woman : “My dog told me.”
Big Job
A: Why are you crying?B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.
Tough Exam
One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of
the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and
immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furiously,
although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be
disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10 minutes
later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told
him he would not take the test.The student asked, “Do you know who I am?”
The prof said, “No and I don’t care.”
The student asked again, “Are you sure you don’t know who I am?”
The prof again said, “No.” So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air.
“Good” the student said, and walked out. He passed.
Smart Student
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!
Paratroop Training
An Irishman was being trained as a paratrooper. During an exercise he
was to jump from a plane at ten thousand feet, count ten, pull his
cord, and parachute down to an open field next to a barn. Once on the
ground he has to bury his chute, go into the barn where he would find a
motorbike hidden under some straw. Then he had to ride the bike to a
town twenty kilometers away, and report to his commanding officer.Things did not quite go as planned. He jumped out of the aircraft at 10,000 feet, counted 10 and pulled the cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the emergency cord, and again nothing happened.
“That’s typical,” he said. “I bet when I get down there, there’ll be no motorbike either.”
