Team Work
At one point during a game, the coach
called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you
understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a moron.”
Do you understand all that?”
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb idiot, is it?”
Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a moron.”
Do you understand all that?”
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb idiot, is it?”
Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
Bad Look
Doctor: Mrs. Smith, I have to tell you, I don’t like the looks of your
husband.Patient’s Wife: Neither do I, but he’s good to the children.
Unscheduled Outage
It’s thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch
office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything
gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return.
And waits. And waits.“Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the network back to life,” says the tech.
Next morning, the phone rings. It’s a very irate corporate administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no control over.
The Administrator’s response? “Next time, put it on the schedule before you have an unexpected outage!”
A
very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his
mother, “Who am I? “
Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”
“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognize me!”
Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”
“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognize me!”
Who’s the Thief?
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long
trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the
judge who had presided at the hearing.“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why ?” asked the judge. “He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”
95th Birthday
“Look at ME!” boasted the fit old man to a group of young people.
“Every morning I do fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups and walk two miles.
I’m fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t
drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after women!”He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, “And tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my 95th birthday!”
“Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”
Discipline
A school teacher injured his back and
had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit
under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the
term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to
the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it’s level of unruliness.
Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it’s level of unruliness.
Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
Insurance Claim
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within
a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without
having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed
a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the
cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company
refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the
cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In delivering
the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated
nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it
had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that
it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be
“unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than
endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company
accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he
lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed the check, however, the
company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance
claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the
man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.Doctor’s Orders
Doctor: “I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you
know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention?
What’s your excuse?”Patient: “I was just following your orders, Doc.”
Doctor: “Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”
Patient: “You told me to avoid people
who irritate me.”
What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.
What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I’m coming down with something!.
