Episode IV

March Of the kitchen utensils
 

 With new-found humility and determination, I set out to do the easiest offwidth I could find in Squamish. Weighing in at 5.9, March Of The Kitchen Utensils is found well up a steep trail that leads around the backside of the Chief. Although it is a full pitch of wide, corner crack, I was excited to find that less than ten metres of the route promised any sort of punishment. Roger and I set off with a half borrowed rack of huge cams and big bros. Unfortunately, of the six large pieces we lugged up the trail, only two fit into the crack.

I resolved to leap-frog the two good pieces and hope that there were no serious changes in width. Upon reaching the difficulties I was despondent to find myself in the same thrutching position as my last offwidth effort. No method seemed to provide the upward inching of success, until I attempted a chicken wing. In drawing back my forearm, my bicep seized up in the crack. I nervously locked off my upper body and rammed my foot into an ankle grinding smear. I pushed upward and detected undeniable progress. I was ecstatic! Over the next three or four body lengths, I repeated this ceremony, oblivious to all pain, sweat, and growing potential for a long, long fall.

I reached the top and humbly basked in the nectar of my first offwidth success. Removing my left shoe produced a sucking noise. While admiring the quantity of blood filling my shoe, I pondered the long, long road ahead.

   
   

 Illustration: Rachel Dooley

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