Episode VI

The SOUND OF MUSIC
  

 Getting on the good foot: a classic heel-toe
  Since my brief success on March of the Kitchen Utensils, my offwidth activity all but ceased. Yet, my self-imposed deadline to climb Pipeline is approaching. Clearly, I need to spend time on routes that weigh in at 8 inches. After some lament, it was suggested to me that the Forestry Building on the UBC campus sported a squeeze chimney that would give me over a dozen floors of offwidth pleasure. I cycled up to campus with my shoes and chalk. The Forestry building is made of glazed, tan coloured bricks and, indeed, hosts an offwidth chimney. Wide enough to take in the span of my shoulders, I commenced in a strange and exhausting exercise whereupon I tried to hold my body in the chimney without tipping out. This turned out to be simply impossible. Deflated, despondent, I biked around campus. I passed through the crumbly stucco Math Buildings for old times sake. Upon entering the courtyard of the Music Building, I was struck by the thin concrete flutes that enclosed the foyer. Upon closer inspection, every other column was separated by just over 8 inches. I had found my Pipeline.

The concrete flutes of the Music Building were not easily taken. Barely squeezing between them, I could initially do no more than hold myself a few inches off the deck. The strain was considerable. I farted around with a chicken wing, but it felt insecure and painful. I tried a disastrous T-stack with my feet. In frustration, I would layback up several feet and inject myself, only to slip miserably downward, leaving long black streaks. After some time, I managed to stay reliably wedged in. I tried a "shoulder roll" that I had read about. Nothing doing. It seemed that every time I pushed up, some other part of my body was fighting the progress. I vowed to return.

My second visit met with much more success. Given a fresh start, I quickly determined that using my any part of my torso for opposing pressure would keep me from moving. Period. I began to use my outside hand to push behind my back and was instantly rewarded with upward motion. I managed to struggle to the top of the column. A whopping 8 feet of vertical.

On the third trip I brought Mark Huscroft. I did two laps, and discovered that my heel-toe was secure enough to do away with the hand-behind-the-back. We had to laugh, because he couldn't even fit his ass in. We went on to do many other buildering problems around campus, but I was thrilled with the offwidth progress.

  

 

 The UBC Music Building

 

 The soon- to-be-classic hand-ass stack
 

Over the next three visits, I took parts of my rack along to practice placements and see how wearing a sling would make a difference. I was shocked to find out that my shiny new Big Bros (see Episode III: The Age Of Reason) weren't even going to pretend to stay in, given the smooth and slightly flaring nature of the columns. This was disturbing. However, my technique had progressed to the point where I could complete eight laps, resting for a full minute at the top of each. I only sweated on the last two runs, owing mostly to a perfected hand-ass stack (pile your hands under your ass and let your feet go, kind of like it sounds) that was ideal for resting my belabored feet.

The summer is waning. It's time to get on Pipeline.
  

 

Roger demonstrates a fine chicken wing

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