Grand wall Granny...continued
 

 Racking up at the base
  We decided to do The Grand Wall. I had done the route for the first time just 2 weeks earlier and I think it is the best 5.11 route in Squamish*. We left early to avoid traffic and stopped for a quick coffee at the 99er Cafe. ("Those muffins were horrible. Have you ever had such dry muffins?") On the Grand Wall trail, my mom was scandalized by Jack Richardson's sculpture of a naked climber. I explained that people did a lot of drugs in the 70's.
I hate swapping leads with my mom. I always feel that my pitches end up slowing us down. And she always wants to simul-climb stuff. It scares the shit out of me! I agreed to follow as far as the girdle pitch that traverses to the base of the Split Pillar. She led the traverse because I wanted "The Pillar." Then I don't know what happened. The first time I did the Grand I cruised it on second, but when it came to leading I flamed out huge. I think it was doing all the other pitches so quickly in a row. I'm not used to it. As soon as my leg started to jiggle a little bit, out comes the double standard: "Get a piece in," she contributes from below. "Mom. I know." I put in an OK friend and moved on. When I was a bit above my gear I wanted to place again but I knew that I had to keep moving. Sensing my hesitation, she called up. "How are you doing?" I ignored her. My leg started to shake. "Mike, get some gear in." "I'm fine," I lied.    
 

 Mom cruises "The Split"
I swapped feet for a rest but my body was on fire. "Honey, you've got a blue friend on the back of your harness that would..." "Mom! I'm almost 28 for chrissake! Leave me alone!" And with that, I was off. I've fallen further than that before, but there is something different about taking a 30 foot whipper when your belayer is your mother. After giving me crap for being irresponsible we swapped leads and she cruised it.
 I have long suffered from verbal diarrhea, and it was on this next pitch that I was to pay for it. On the drive up along Howe Sound, I was babbling on about this and that. I was pretty sure that she wasn't really listening because she kept looking out the window and repeating the same phrase around every panoramic corner: "Ohhhh. Would you look at that. That is soo beautiful, Mike." Then she makes this sucking noise through her teeth. I continued, "Did you know that the Grand Wall went free a couple of summers ago?"
 

 Flashing the Scott Cosgrove 5.13a traverse
 

I knew it the moment I said it. She was fixed on doing it free, and that meant doing The Underfling so that we could get to the linking 13a traverse. Before we reached the parking lot I was signed up to follow her on a single pitch link up of The Sword and The Underfling. I told her that Peter Croft had already done that years ago. She said "Who's Peter Croft"? 

I can't really claim to have done any of the next three pitches. I probably could have done The Sword clean, but I was pumped. I rested at the anchors before heading off again. The Underfling was a seconding distaster. I would yard on the stupidly small and steep undercling and remove a piece, only to rip off while attempting to move and go for a 10 foot pendulum. The next pitch was interesting because I think I saw my mom struggle a bit. I couldn't see her face because the wall is so steep that she had to press her face to the slab while smearing along the dyke ramp, but she became very quiet. Kind of like Yoda, I guess, when he gets mad.
Perry's Lieback was out of the question for me. I didn't even really try because my mom was up in The Flats anyway. I pulled rather generously on the bolts until I came to the no hands rest, where I made a great show of huffing and puffing like I had just seconded clean. Strangely, I really enjoyed the last two pitches. Where before I had just figured they were a neccessary evil to finish the route, now climbing 5.10a had never seemed so sweet, especially when a reachy move that seemed easy to me was a desperate V15 for my 5'2" mother.  
As it turns out, we had to bail at Bellygood Ledge, since I was beat. She hooked up with another team to finish via The Roman Chimneys. We met at the summit.
* My mom later disagreed. Although she really enjoyed the route, she says that The Northern Lights has more quality pitches.

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