Grand Wall Virgins

Grand wall Virgins

Normally I don't climb with people that I don't know from Adam, but Allistar seemed OK (for a Scottish guy). We roped up at the base of the looming headwall, and I magnanimously offered to lead the pumpy first pitch. Like a professional tic-tac-toe player, I had figured out that I could avoid leading The Split Pillar and Perry's Lieback this way.

Pitch 1: Apron Strings .10b (Janet Matthews photo)

Pumping up the layback on a rapidly narrowing foot-ramp, I reached the "much fallen off" thin fingers part. I blithely stuck in a #0 Metolius and winked at the portion of the cam that was peering at me from outside the crack before moving on and pulling through the final thin moves. Upon reflection, I can be a real moron. Allistar took the next, mysteriously thin dihedral above, after we had dismissed it as being too hard and explored regions to the left.

Pitch 3: Merci Me .7 (Rachel Dooley photo)

Reaching the base of Merci Me Allistar used the Brit standard of "Secure!" which I have always felt sounds too much like "Au secour!"; French for "Help, I'm gonna die!" The next three pitches were awesome: runout bolted face climbing up a dyke carried us through a sea of sickly-steep granite, eventually coming to a pitch that I call The Girdle. Traversing down and right, one is required to hand-rail and smear across a vertical face with nothing but the yawning forest below. Quelle exposure! For the first time, I felt like I was doin' the Grand Wall. Upon reaching the end of the traverse, I was amazed to find four widely spaced bolts that led up to the base of The Split Pillar. Apparently one does something called "aid climbing" here. Much yelling ensued this traverse, so work out signals with your belayer.

Pitch 6: The Split Pillar .10b (Matt Buckle photo)

The Split Pillar is the grooviest hand crack in the world. But, beware: if you go slow and place tons of gear, it will eat you alive. Allistar styled it. I followed in kind and marveled at the his deft placement of wires. It was here that we discovered that neither of us had thought to bring a nut tool. As a direct result, somebody out there has my #10 wire, further proving that losing your virginity isn't always a pretty scene. I was surprised to find that The Pillar ends with a short chimney. Thankfully, I had convinced Allistar to leave the stupid pack behind. To be more accurate, I told him that under no conditions would that pack find its way onto my back and that seemed to sway him. From up on Merci Me a pack sailed into the forest below. Atop The Pillar, a belay matched by none, The Sword was affected by the miracle of foreshortening. If I could do this next pitch, I reasoned, my work would be over.

Pitch 7: The Sword .11a (Matt Buckle photo)

The crux mantel came early and, so far as I could tell, was exactly the same as the crux of Climb And Punishment in the Little Shit Bluffs. Naturally, I fell. Recalling the sequence, I dialed in a foot swap at 14m and the move dropped to 5.6. The dihedral above looked desperate, and at this point one is directed to pull out into an exposed face crack. Well guess what. The face crack is frickin' easy! That helped me a bit. Stepping back into the dihedral, I raced for the chains, watching my energy levels drop like something in a bad kung-foo arcade game. I made an unabashed lunge for the chains as my feet blew out. Awesome.

The Sword Belay (Matt Buckle photo)

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		Normally I don't climb with people that I don't know from Adam, but Allistar seemed OK (for a Scottish guy). We roped up at the base of the looming headwall, and I magnanimously offered to lead the pumpy first pitch. Like a professional tic-tac-toe player, I had figured out that I could avoid leading The Split Pillar and Perry's Lieback this way.
Pitch 1: Apron Strings .10b (Janet Matthews photo)

Pumping up the layback on a rapidly narrowing foot-ramp, I reached the "much fallen off" thin fingers part. I blithely stuck in a #0 Metolius and winked at the portion of the cam that was peering at me from outside the crack before moving on and pulling through the final thin moves. Upon reflection, I can be a real moron. Allistar took the next, mysteriously thin dihedral above, after we had dismissed it as being too hard and explored regions to the left.
		Pitch 3: Merci Me .7 (Rachel Dooley photo)

		Reaching the base of Merci Me Allistar used the Brit standard of "Secure!" which I have always felt sounds too much like "Au secour!"; French for "Help, I'm gonna die!" The next three pitches were awesome: runout bolted face climbing up a dyke carried us through a sea of sickly-steep granite, eventually coming to a pitch that I call The Girdle. Traversing down and right, one is required to hand-rail and smear across a vertical face with nothing but the yawning forest below. Quelle exposure! For the first time, I felt like I was doin' the Grand Wall. Upon reaching the end of the traverse, I was amazed to find four widely spaced bolts that led up to the base of The Split Pillar. Apparently one does something called "aid climbing" here. Much yelling ensued this traverse, so work out signals with your belayer.
Pitch 6: The Split Pillar .10b (Matt Buckle photo)

The Split Pillar is the grooviest hand crack in the world. But, beware: if you go slow and place tons of gear, it will eat you alive. Allistar styled it. I followed in kind and marveled at the his deft placement of wires. It was here that we discovered that neither of us had thought to bring a nut tool. As a direct result, somebody out there has my #10 wire, further proving that losing your virginity isn't always a pretty scene. I was surprised to find that The Pillar ends with a short chimney. Thankfully, I had convinced Allistar to leave the stupid pack behind. To be more accurate, I told him that under no conditions would that pack find its way onto my back and that seemed to sway him. From up on Merci Me a pack sailed into the forest below. Atop The Pillar, a belay matched by none, The Sword was affected by the miracle of foreshortening. If I could do this next pitch, I reasoned, my work would be over.
		Pitch 7: The Sword .11a (Matt Buckle photo)

		The crux mantel came early and, so far as I could tell, was exactly the same as the crux of Climb And Punishment in the Little Shit Bluffs. Naturally, I fell. Recalling the sequence, I dialed in a foot swap at 14m and the move dropped to 5.6. The dihedral above looked desperate, and at this point one is directed to pull out into an exposed face crack. Well guess what. The face crack is frickin' easy! That helped me a bit. Stepping back into the dihedral, I raced for the chains, watching my energy levels drop like something in a bad kung-foo arcade game. I made an unabashed lunge for the chains as my feet blew out. Awesome.
The Sword Belay (Matt Buckle photo)