THE FASHIONISTA TIMES

Anker Tackles Climbing Fashion's "Burning Question" Form or Function?
 

In recent weeks, the Vancouver Mountain Film Festival has brought the mega-stars of climbing together for a sharing of stories that celebrate climbing the world over. The city is literally buzzing with the famous faces that have inspired us all. This year's festival has drawn record crowds and critical acclaim as the premiere climbing event in North America.

Yet, we are forced to ask--what lies beyond the GoreTex and sherpas? When do we look past basecamp and frayed ropes? Where are the themes that bind us all? For over a decade, a great curtain of silence has been drawn across the one topic that unites and divides us in the same stroke--a true cleaving. Sponsered or not, where is the fashion?

 Conrad Anker and Mikey exchangning pleasantries.
  

 I found this on the online MEC catalog:

These rugged, brushed nylon-cotton blend climbing pants will stand up to abuse on the crags without offending the style police. Put 'em on and send!

Translation: These piece of shit brushed pants are perfectly suited for being boring and lame, just like you. Put 'em on and blend--into the background!

    

The world of climbing fashion clearly needs some redirection. As it happens, I came across Conrad Anker at the local climbing gym taking some down time from the festival. He was puttering about in a collared fleece pullover (safari tan), sporting a solid coloured chalkbag (marine blue) and loose form polypro leggings (midnight black).

I needed some answers.

  

 
 
 

M: When it comes to climbing fashion (clothing) do you consider yourself a man of "function" or "form"?

C: I think it is important to pick something light and comfortable--easy to move around in.

M: So then, you're definitely a "function over form" guy.

C: (what does this crack-head want, anyway?) It's important to be warm…

M: Ok, but imagine that you're not headed to the south pole or anything. Just a good, warm day out cragging in a place like Squamish. Would you consider wearing tights?

C: uh…

  

M: Do you own any lycra?

C: (Looking down at his black, loose fitting long johns) Well, these are about as snug a pair of tights that I have, I guess.

M: I think the 80's were great. Everybody was so colourful and wore great, loud tights. Now a days, people have this fascination with boring colours like black, grey, and olive drab. Were you ever a part of the "lycra" scene?

C: I owned a pair.

M: Wow! Do you still have them?

C: Nah, they wore out.

Then he just sort of walked away. Not that he wasn't very polite, mind, but I guess he was tired of the conversation. Since then, I've done some reading up on Conrad. He really is a mega-star and a long standing poster guy for The North Face. Unfortunately, in my judgement, he didn't seem the least bit interested in pushing the lycra issue. Naturally, I've taken the shocking liberty of putting some ooh-la-la into his climbing wardrobe--with spectacular results. Mr. Anker, sir, if you're out there, surely you could be the light that guides us out of the darkness. Lead on! 

 GOT TIGHTS? Send your inspirational images to mike_hengeveld@hotmail.com
  

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