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I don't have an answering machine. I used one once, but the power kept going off, wiping out the messages and introduction. I hate redoing the introductions. People sounded weird and distorted in their messages, so when I moved to Vancouver I decided to use the "message box" offered by the telephone company, BC Tel. "So, all I have to do is dial *98, and then put in my code?" "That's right. Then you can listen to your messages." "And how much does this service cost?" "It will be $2.49 a month, sir." When the first bill arrived, I was sorting out who made long distance calls to who when I noticed the "message box" charge. As promised, it was $2.49. Beside that charge, however, was another charge: "Uh, hello. I'm calling in regard to my telephone bill." "How can we help you, sir?" "There's this charge on my bill that says "message forwarding", for $2.49. I don't understand, I never ordered that service." "I see here that you have our "message box" service?" "Yes." "Well, that charge is for forwarding the calls to your box." Swooning, I nearly fell off my seat. Deep in the logic centre of my brain, vessels were straining with tension. "Am I to understand, then, that it is impossible to have a "message box" without having "message forwarding" ?" "That's correct sir." "I don't understand." "Well, you could have a box without the forwarding, but then it would never have messages in it." I struggled greatly to control myself. During stressful conversations, I have found that my ability to orate decreases in opposition to my mounting frustration. My lower jaw becomes quite stiff and my words sound as though they are being squeezed out through a straw: a phenomena I call lockjaw. "That's not the part I don't understand." "Oh." "What I don't understand is why a company would offer a service, knowing full well that it is a useless service without said extra service, at extra charge." "I don't know, really (worker bee) but I suppose it's so the customer can itemize their bills and find out exactly what they're being charged for." A flawless spin. It almost sounds like BC Tel was doing us all a favour, opening our eyes to the true source of our costs. I forgave, at this point, any notion of further questioning the logic of this breakdown. When I put down the phone, however, I was struck with the ingenious nature of the trick. Why not carry it further though? In order to "forward messages" they need to be received. Ah! And once in the box, they must be stored! Accordingly we have: forwarded messages $2.49 Total $9.96 Thank you for choosing BC Tel!
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