I'm going on vacation to Red Rocks, Nevada to do some climbing. I can't seem to find a guidebook in any of the usual stores, so I turn to Chapters online, or Chapters.ca. I know a few friends who have used their service before, and it's supposed to be quite good. I get online and order my book: Todd Swain's Red Rocks Climbing 3rd Ed.

The site is streamlined and obviously updated on a daily basis. In fact, I imagine that they have a huge team of people who work to keep this online thing going; fixing bugs, changing prices, adding fancy new flashing doohillies. That sort of thing. I find my book quickly and head to the "checkout" where I am asked for various information, including my address and Mastercard number. Under "delivery options" I chose the quick but economical "3 - 5 days" service. This is so easy, I thought.

A week later, my book has not arrived. Getting a bit curious, I decide to call. A cheerful sounding girl answers the phone, and we discuss the problem.

"Todd Swain's Red Rocks Climbing?"

"That's the one."

"Third edition. Yeah, I see it here."

"Well, why isn't it here?"

"Oh. Well, we're going through a system upgrade right now, so all of our orders have been delayed by about a week."

Okay, stop. "System upgrade" sounds like something that might be done on purpose, maybe even scheduled. Unless the system administrators were playing some kind of game and decided to not tell anyone--like a surprise:

"Uh, no, this upgrade wasn't really a surprise."

"I didn't see anything about a week delay on your website."

"Oh, yeah...I don't really know about that."

Of course she didn't know; she was a worker bee. It's not her job to know. As for those who did know, well, they sure as hell weren't going to advertise that their shipments were all going to be a week late. It's that fine line between lying and simply withholding the truth. I'm sure that if I had only thought to ask "are you guys expecting any shipping delays in the next while?" they would have told me. The principle of telling people 3 - 5 days, all the while knowing that it wouldn't happen was too monstrous an injustice. To even the scales I did some lying of my own.

"Well, that's a real disappointment. I needed that book yesterday already! I wish that somebody had told me..."

"I can check it out here...(typing)...your book should be arriving by Tuesday."

"Tuesday's no good--my plane leaves tomorrow."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"You know <name>, this is the first time I have ever used your company's service. It was recommended to me as reliable, but this is really disappointing."

"Can I put you on hold a minute?"

<name> passes the buck, and I get to talk to a queen bee.

"Hello Mr. Hengeveld, this is <name2>. I understand that your book is somewhat late and I'd like to help you with that."

"Great. You know, I've always been a bit afraid to use the internet. I like real stores better."

"What time does your plane leave tomorrow?"

"Uh, ...let me see here (shaking a nearby piece of paper), uh, yeah, I leave at 11:10 AM tomorrow."

"Well sir, I'm going to see if I can find your book and get it to you before you leave for your trip."

Good as his word, <name2> tried to get the book delivered before my fictional plane left:

>beep< "Hello Mr. Hengeveld, this is <name2> from Chapters.ca calling with regards to your book. Unfortunately, by the time I finished talking to you the mail had already gone for the day. Uh, sorry about that. We would like to make it up to you with a online gift certificate. The number is E33Y687-3N ..."

For the 30 minutes I spent on the phone, it was a decent wage. Lying about their delivery time was a big mistake and a little scrutiny and unscrupulousness had forced this giant to its knees. True to the words of The Shadow, crime does not pay.