Wisconsin, Ho!

This is the text of some e-mails I sent after our 1997 trip to Wisconsin. We went because some friends moved there and we basically need very little reason to go on a road trip.

Travellers: Janine and John
Vehicle: new 1997 Toyota 4Runner
When: September - October 1997

Goals:

Sub-goal (in other words, real reason for trip):

This expedition is a meagre gain on the "states visited" list, since only Wisconsin (#30) and Nebraska (#31) are new, but does contribute to the route, since we have done I-90 before. Therefore, I-94 was the way to go. But I have to figure out how to get to Kansas, since it is the only state in that area that I have not visited (ok, Oklahoma was only for about 10 miles but it counts!).


Day 1 - Vancouver to Coeur D'Alene, Idaho

The trip started on sort of a weird note - my parents had been on holidays and we had been looking after their dog. They came back just before we were going to leave and as a result, we had less done and nothing packed in time (because we were busy cleaning). They left a day earlier than expected, so we actually did leave the Monday morning. We were up until 2 a.m. packing and had planned to leave at 7 a.m. to avoid Seattle traffic, but didn't make it. So we started the trip exhausted.

Crossing the border for me is always a challenge. I really do have a problem with authority figures and especially those who take themselves way too seriously, which I find that security guards and border guards tend to. And John also gets sort of weird, so by the time we ever get to the border, we always look like we are trying to hide something, because we have of course shared our neurosis since we left the house and have built up a huge stress cloud in the car.

We got to the border and had to wait a couple of minutes. In this time I have reminded John what his nationality is, where he comes from and what his name is, since once they asked him some of those questions and his answers did not quite match the facts. I screw it up by trying to talk too. They always look at us like we are very strange, which is so far from the truth, right? This time the problem is the sign saying you can't bring fruit or vegetables in to the US. We have a cooler and in it is 1.5 cucumbers, salvages from the fridge in what will be a vain attempt to make our own lunches and not eat crap all day.

I worry about this. Should we tell him? What will they do? Is it worth the effort? We might have to pull over and that seems way to scary. Adrenalin is flowing freely now and impeding my ability for rational thought because of its effect on my blood sugar. John is still John, which means he never is actually capable of thinking rationally. We reach the window before we reach a decision about the cucumber. The guy asks some questions and all seems well until he asks the dreaded veggie question. John says no and I start to say yes, forgetting that I am prepared to lie and that I am supposed to shut up. As soon as I move, and it was a very small start of a word, the guy focuses on me and I realize he has totally read my body language. He asks again about the veggies and John says NO more forcefully and I nod weakly, again being really aware that my body is betraying me. This really sucks because I am proud of my ability to lie with no trace. The guy sort of looks at us and lets us go.

We are very happy to be free and speed off down the interstate. I worry about the damn cucumber for 2 days, then we throw it out. Evil BC hothouse English cucumber!!

We drive down to Seattle and then head east to Spokane. Eastern Washington is different that most people think. It is so agricultural, with rolling hills and seems to be various shades of brown as the crops all come in. It is very pretty and like the Okanogan in some parts. We reach Spokane and go on to Coeur D'Alene, Idaho, where we spend the night at a Shilo Inn. It is very nice and we are really ready to sleep.

Day 2 - Coeur D'Alene to Three Forks, Montana

We get up early and head on down the road. Northern Idaho is nice and very different than the south, which we pass through on our way home. We go through Wallace, where the epic "Dante's Peak" was filmed (more about this later). This is a total driving day. We listen to music and start the 30 hour "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" book tape. John starts to fall asleep midday and we stop by the side of the road and he jumps around a lot. I really need to get my driver's license! (note: I finally did in November 2000).

Idaho is all downhill, literally. Montana is very beautiful. At least west and mid-Montana are. I have been this way 3 times before and relive the memorable stop in Bozeman 2 years ago with my mother. We lost our muffler in Yellowstone (awful roads) and couldn't find a Honda part. We spent part of the day at Wal-mart (my first!) bought cheap undies (because we could) and the mechanic was very nice and fixed the car right away. This time we don't stop in Bozeman and John reacts poorly to my suggestion that a sidetrip to Yellowstone would only add 10 hours, as long as we didn't stop.

I haven't mentioned the bugs yet. A really thick layer covers the front of the truck and smears the window. I don't remember this many bugs from the Acura. The amount of road kill is also very gross. I became a vegetarian as a partial result of the 6 week US jaunt of 7 years ago. Mucho dead bunnies. Remind me to tell you all about the food we eat across the States, in case I forget.

The place we are stopping tonight is Three Forks, Montana. I chose it because the hotel, the Sacajawea Hotel, is a National Historical site and it sounds cool. I really should remember that Historical means noisy floors and paper-thin walls. The Lodge at Yellowstone was terrible that way! Anyway, we arrive and it does look nice. There is a huge wrap around porch, rocking chair and a great lobby. Our room is small but nice. We decide to go for a walk, since it is very warm out and we don't want to go to sleep at 5 p.m. The town is very small but it is quaint and we get lots of stares. Always fun. We watch TV then I go to sleep about 10. I wake up at 12 a.m. to strange sounds. The couple next door, whose bed is again the opposite wall from ours, is having sex. Loudly having sex. John is asleep and I know if I wake him up he will find this a little too interesting. Bang, bang goes the headboard. Squeak, squeak goes the bed. She is really having a good time and he is grunting away. Oh, wow, oh wow, oh WOW! This is her. The first time. They do it at least twice more, but I was really trying not to count. About 3 hours later they shut up and I drift to sleep to have dreams about killer bedsprings.

John is really annoyed I didn't wake him up. What a surprise.

Upcoming highlights:

Stay Tuned!!!! Or, just go to this is what you get when you go places just to tick things off your list.


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