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Anti-Pattern Job Ads
There are immediate openings for…
Physically fit sociopaths to operate M16 rifles in distant countries
Where God has mistakenly located critical resources
Under the feet of unapologetic non-Christians
With no respect whatsoever for the capitalist oligarchy
Insincere and overly enthusiastic cheap-suit phonies
To foist recycled snake oil and other bogus non-products
Upon heavily-in-debt Generation-Xers smacking into middle age
As they desperately seek salvation from vacuous lives
Butt kissing yes-men and women needed now
To further fatten decaying layers of redundant management,
Ride the backs of an ever shrinking working class
While collecting inordinately large salaries for doing fuck all
Religious apologists lacking in social conscience
To convincingly spew childish black-versus-white arguments
At simple minded folk, effectively scaring them
Into voting for ultra conservative hard-asses
Extremely high achieving math and physics nerds
Motivated by computer games and juvenile sexual fantasies
To design and build super sophisticated, astonishingly accurate
Weapons of Theatrical Ferocity (WTF’s)
Bored, aimless arts majors to conceive increasingly banal
Reality television plots that plumb the depths
Of the pathetic collective western mindset
Seeking yet lower lows and higher ratings
Hookers, drug addicts and drifters to populate urban cores
Occasionally spilling over into well-to-do suburbs
Thereby prompting large, questionable transfers of federal funds
Into the pockets of ineffectual local do-gooders
And, as always, good old-fashioned men-in-the-street
To stumble their way through crippling mediocrity
Oblivious to the grinding tedium of each day
Clinging to empty promises of a better tomorrow
Apply for one of these fulfilling positions today!
[Aug 31, 2007]
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