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Anna Overseas

4/8/2005

Lanterns

I spent a lot of time taking pictures of Chinese lanterns like this one. I had this idea of putting them all in black frames and hanging them on my wall. No, I haven't done this, I'm lazy. But it means I do have a lot of pictures of lanterns.

They do have them everywhere, they all look different, and some of them are far nicer than others. Unfortunately, I don't have any other ones scanned in right now.

I do, however, fondly remember Lantern Festival. If I recall correctly, it's about 15 days after Spring Festival, and it's... kinda crazy. *grin* Granted, I did it in Jiangyan, and Jiangyan's definition of crazy is probably different than anywhere else. But I remember the crowded streets and the way that everyone was letting off firecrackers and fireworks, and there were sparks everywhere, and part of me kept thinking about how nothing like this would be allowed to happen in Canada, with so many children running and screaming everywhere while these sparks went off. There was so much energy and so much light and noise, it was everything I think should happen on New Years Eve, except in the middle of February. No fears of evil spirits now. *grin*

I find a lot of my memories fading away, which I really regret. It takes staring at the photos to remember now. I wish I had taken the time to write more of my thoughts. Yes, I have my blog entries to look back on, but a lot of them aren't terribly personal. I wish I had more stuff that was just for me, you know?


In other news, I got some lovely and encouraging emails after my last post, which made me feel a lot better. On top of that, just making a decision made me feel a lot better. I sorta knew I'd be going, I guess, but it was always something I'd put off talking about, thinking about, acting on. I wanted to do it, but I just wouldn't let myself. There's still a lot of this feeling that chosing to go overseas again is a bit of "I don't wanna grow up!" act, but I'm getting over that to. Everyone makes their own choices. This one is mine.

Unrelated to that, my favorite Rapscallion comes home soon. Which is mostly interesting in that I apparently agreed to bake him bread for the day he comes home. Which, granted, sounds like something I'd agree to do, but I'm a bit fuzzy on the conversation. Can I just say now that asking me to do something in the middle of the day is a lot like asking someone else to do something in the middle of the night? I'll probably agree to just about anything to get someone off the phone so I can go back to sleep. Oh well, it'll be fun, and I get to bake bread, which I really enjoy doing. Plus, there's the added appeal to my ego of, "But Anna, I really missed your cooking. And baking. And your bread. Especially your bread. Will you make me bread?"

Of course, I have The World's Easiest Bread Recipie. As the author calls it, Fool Proof Bread, tested by an elite cadre of fools. And who doesn't want to make something that includes directions like "Punch the dough like it's your ex. Then punch it again for good measure, he deserves it." *grin*

Hmm.... What else is going on in my exciting life? Well, I have a to-do list of things I need to do before I can leave the country. It's under revision, of course, and I'm fairly convinced that I'm going to forget something terribly important, like turning off the power in my apartment or something. Since I'm still dealing with the bills that were run up in my name when I was in China, I'm a little bit concerned. Even though I'll actually be leaving the apartment, and never coming back, thus not leaving anything on in my name for any room mates to deal with, I'm still kinda haunted by the whole thing. If you look at the list and notice anything I forgot, please do tell me.

Speaking of lists, I joined 43things some time ago. I'm rather strange that way. Basically it's a list of things you're going to do (up to 43 of them, fancy that), and you can see other people who have the same things, track your progress, stuff like that. It's kinda interesting, in a very meme-y sort of way.

Since I'm being a bit of a link whore, I thought I'd add that I have a couple of things up on Work or Spoon.

Anna stopped here at 8:59 PM

From Shani's Blog

Jojo, one of our longtime servers at Jekyll's, has been hit very hard lately. She was one of the residents at The Arlington, and she was home when it went up. Jojo spent two days in the hospital for smoke inhalation, and has lost everything. Amanda is asking for donations of clothes, furniture, food, linens, kitchen utensils and tools, toiletries, as well as any financial contributions to help get Jojo back on her feet. You can reach Amanda at the Jekyll's Pub at: 426-5381.

My comment:

Shani, I'm gonna post this on my blog, too. Also, I just called Bo (anyone can talk to him, too) and they can't take donations of items right now, because Jo doesn't have a place to stay yet. However, what I'm doing is giving them a list of things I *can* donate, along with my phone number, and they will call me as soon as they can take the stuff in.

Anna stopped here at 1:59 PM

4/5/2005

{Editor's note: I wrote this about a week ago, and finally decided to go ahead and post it today.}

I don't know if anyone else suffers from days where you hate everyone and everything, but I woke up this morning despising everything. And I couldn't figure out why.

Oh, there were lots of things I could blame it on, easily enough. I've spent the last three weeks studiously decluttering my apartment, which is a lot of freaking work. Plus, since I'm nicely boxing up things that belong to other people, or that I want to donate, or that have other reasons to be boxed or bagged up, I'm living in a house that looks like I'm moving at the end of the month - but I'm not. I spent a good chunk of my days off at Margery's place doing tons of laundry, of which about 3/4s was either donated or thrown out, and 1/2 of what I returned with is either Barry's or Kris'. So, more was added to their piles of boxes. When I came home after my days off, expecting one more night to myself, I found three messages from work asking me to please come in to work last night, since they'd already changed the schedule.

My cat hates me. Again. *sigh*

And going back even further, my three best friends all moved to other cities within a month of each other.

So, I woke up this morning in a terrible mood, and nothing I've tried all day has worked to kick me out of it.

I did what everyone does when they need a pick me up. I called up a friend and whined.

Because he's a good friend, he listened to me whine for the better part of an hour, then calmly asked me a few things. Like, how I actually felt, beyond the whining. Which I had to sit down and think about.

"I feel like I'm killing time. Like I'm just waiting for something to happen, and nothing's going to. Like this is it, these four walls, and this job that's going nowhere, and this life that's just dull."

"Have you felt like that before?"

"I guess... Yeah, when I was putting everything together but hadn't actually done anything about going overseas. When I was still just talking about it. Life was so dull, but I couldn't seem to do anything."

"You know," he said. "You've been talking off and on for the past year about going overseas again. You didn't want to come back from China. You talked about Japan and stuff, remember? Didn't Paul warn you about having itchy feet when you came back?"

"Yeah, but...."

Yeah, but. But, I missed Edmonton with a deadly passion while I was away. I had dreams about coming home. I talked about it constantly, about all the people I missed, all the things I didn't get to do. I remember back when Barry and I lived in Vegreville, how if we lived in the wonderful land of Edmonton, everything would be perfect. We'd do stuff with people every weekend, and we'd never be bored again. I like that idea of Edmonton.

"You're bored, Anna. You're stagnating. You don't even go through the motions of trying to do anything exciting anymore. When was the last time you even left the house to do something new? And no, going to Camrose to do your laundry doesn't actually count."

"It's not that simple."

Because it never is that simple for me. I haven't left the house for a lot of reasons, and part of that is that I'm bored. I'm bored of work, it's not challenging anymore. I can't stand the idea of going to a game because I feel like I've really played them all, you know? The people I want to talk to, I can call them, I can email them, I can talk over ICQ. I can make that sort of effort. But going out for coffee? I'm bored of coffee. Meeting at the pub? I'm bored of the pub. I'm bored of a lot of things. I can't even stand the idea of reading a book some days because it's so boring. Some days I'm sure this is a sign that there's something wrong, that I should talk to someone seriously about how bored I am, how nothing interests me anymore. Other days, I think it's because I've done everything in Edmonton I conceivably wanted to do, and now it's time to go some place else.

I've never lived anywhere as long as I lived here.

"It's never that simple for you. I love you, but you make things more complicated than they need to be."

"Probably."

Translate probably as yes.

"I know you've been thinking about going overseas again. What's holding you back?"

"Lots of stuff."

I'd need to get a visa again. I need money, I always need money. I'd have to give up a job that, although it bores me, pays well and has opportunities to pay more. And has benefits. My parents want me to settle down and get a career, my friends are getting married and having babies, except when they're already married with babies. They're being grownups. Going back overseas seems like a selfish thing to do, some days. I have all this stuff, and no idea what to do with it all. What would I do with my cat, he can't come with me. What if I go over there and I'm deathly lonely again? What if I can't find a job? What if I go away, and everyone here forgets about me?

"Tell me some of them."

"Money."

"Then we'll get you the money. Anna, you got the money to go to China, and we'll help you get the money to go someplace else. You do have friends who love you, and know that you're going insane here."

Have I mentioned that I'm blessed in my friends?

"I'm running out of time to get a working holiday visa to a lot of places, I have to do it before I'm 30."

"You're not even 29 yet, there's lots of time."

"I don't know where I want to go."

"Uh-huh. Which is why you have a new UK guidebook. And all of these pamphlets on your table from Wales and Scotland. And why you've suddenly been emailing people in Edinburgh."

"Everyone there will think I talk funny."

He gave me a look, and ignored that statement.

"Let's make a plan," he said. "Let's sit down and figure out all the things you'll have to do. Let's get you to Edinburgh. Your friends will still love you, your parents will still love you, and you'll be happier to be traveling again. There's nothing wrong with being disatisfied with your life as it is, Anna. It's chosing to continue to be so unhappy when there are solutions that will make you feel better that's the problem. If you want to wallow in being miserable, fine, but I think you'll feel better if we get everything sorted out to get you on a plane and happy."

So, we sat down, and made of list of everything either one of us could think of that would need to be done before I could go overseas. The list wasn't nearly as long as I thought it would be.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked me as we finished it up.

I looked around my apartment. The walls didn't seem to be closing in so much.

"Yeah," I said. "Yes I am."

Estimated Departure Date: June 6th 2005

Anna stopped here at 9:42 AM

4/4/2005

Chinese New Year

When I got to China it was the Year of the Goat, and when I left, it was the Year of the Monkey. Lily of Infamy told me that parents what their kids to be born in the Year of the Monkey because they'll be clever and quick, like little monkies. Having spent time around small children, I can't really think of a lot of them that aren't already clever and quick like little monkeys, but whatever.

I looked forward to the Chinese New Year like a mad woman, but the whole thing was very disappointing. It's such a family holiday that no one I knew really thought to do anything with me. (I don't think I would have had a good time sitting around playing card games I don't know with people who don't speak English, which is a big part of the Chinese New Year, at least in Jiangyan.) Paul and I got together and let off firecrackers, which was a lot of fun. We drank alcohol, watched some videos, and basically hung out. At one point we walked around downtown Jiangyan, and the entire place was abandoned. It was very cold out, at least for China (that is, it was the middle of winter, and thus just about as cold as it is outside today in Edmonton), and the only place we could find open was the KFC. So, we had hot chocolate to warm up, then walked down the main street in the city. Usually it's so packed that you can't get anywhere quickly, and it was completely empty.

The whole thing was a lot of fun, in that strange way. Kinda like wandering around the streets on New Years Day in Canada, I guess. Nothing is open, and no one's around.

The monkey up above was taken in Nanjing. There were a lot of things there that indicated the new year celebration there had been a lot bigger of a deal. I have a bunch of other photos of the streets of Nanjing from the visit I took up there during the holiday. Lots of ice sculptures and weird things like that. Very colourful and the like.

I wish I had more stories about Chinese holidays. I have this sense that so much more was going on than what I was aware of (I have a gift from the boat races in Jiangyan during that time, but I didn't have any idea there was a boat race, or I would have gone), but at the same time the opportunity to just relax and not do anything with anyone watching was nice. During the holiday, the entire school was empty. I didn't feel like I was being stared at as much as I did the rest of the time.

One of the gifts I was given just before the new year was this lovely carved goat that everyone I know hates except me. I love the thing. I should get a pic of it and put it up for everyone. *grin*

See Also:

More on the streets of Nanjing during Spring Festival More on the streets of Nanjing during Spring Festival

So, Tom came to visit for the day yesterday and today, and it was a lot of fun. I'm kinda kicking myself now for not really planning a lot to do, or at least not having a lot of food in the house. *sigh* But on the other hand, I've only really been vaugly aware that Tom was gone. It was like seeing him again sorta crystalized for me that he's actually moved to Vancouver, is incredibly happy there, and is really enjoying his life. And thus, not likely to show up back in Edmonton again any time soon. I miss him like mad, but at the same time I'm so happy for him. Ah well, such is life, and it just means there's more people for me to visit the next time I'm in Vancouver.

In squeeing over the movie (Oh! I saw Sin City, did you hear? Yay!), I totally forgot to mention that I saw it with Tom, Crash and Lynette. I think seeing Crash and Lynette may have been better than seeing the movie. We went out for mediocre East Indian food, and talked about life and stuff, and it was great and relaxing to just get out of the house again with people I genuinely love spending time with. We hooked up with Tom, saw the movie (which I loved. Not that I'm driving everyone I know insane with the constant talking about this movie or anything), and then went out for coffee afterwards and talked about the movie, about gaming, about life. My two favorite comments were both from Crash.

"Sure, I'd play a Hogwarts Game. But only if I got to be a monster that ate all the students by the handful. And it can't be some pansy monster, it's got to be a real monster."

Later on, when we got back on the movie, I told everyone how it inspired me to want to kill Crash and then have wild passionate sex with Lynette in the pool of blood that would form. (Did I mention it's a gory film?)

"That sounds hot. Why don't you kill me right now?"

I love Crash. He's so darned cute.

Anna stopped here at 2:03 PM

4/3/2005

You are in the top 12.66% richest people in the world.
There are 5,240,103,492 people poorer than you.
How do you feel about that? A bit richer we hope. Please consider donating just a small amount to help some of the poorest people in the world. Many of their lives could be improved dramatically or even saved if you donate just one hour's salary (approx $11.66)Oh, and in case you’re interested you are the 759,896,508 richest person in the world.

Just something I wanted to remember the next time I came home from work wanting to main my coworkers. How do you measure up?

Anna stopped here at 1:22 PM

 mind the gap

A 20-something Canadian who used to teach English in China. There's lots in the archives about my experiences with teaching, with culture shock, and with my adventures in China. Occasionally it meanders into melancholy (part of the culture shock), which must be very dull to read, so you can skip that.

But right now, I'm back in Canada, and kinda determined to do something with the several thousand photos I took, as well as write more about China and other stuff.

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