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Family therapy is an exciting and
rewarding journey in creating the family
you always wanted
.
Families are complex social systems. And individual members of
a family are complex individuals each with a unique history and
a unique way of making meaning of events. Therapies used to help
families are varied. The Strategic model of family therapy, the
Structural model of family therapy and the Transactional model of
family therapy are used depending on what's going on in the family.
In addition, concepts from individual (psychodynamic) therapies
are also used to help the family to make changes that will be beneficial
to all the members of the family.
Some issues in the family arise because the family norms that Mom
and Dad grew up with in their original family are in in conflict
- like a corporate merger, there are often clashes of values, beliefs,
hopes, expectations for how the couple will be in their new roles
of Mom and Dad. If couples don't learn how to resolve these differences
in an open and respectful way, the children will try to 'help' them
out - but usually at a cost to the child and to the family as a
whole.
The family therapist must look at what is structural, and what
is relational - and how to help the family make changes in both.
,
I remember a time when my children were in grade school and many
mornings would begin with an argument between them about who sat
where in the back seat of our family van. Who ever 'won' the argument
got to sit in the seat closest to the door which meant the fastest
exit. I was at the time a consultant to organizations in conflict
and looked first at helping them 'talk out' their differences and
come to a resolution. ( no shaking your head please!). When this
didn't work i decided to apply another strategy - change the structure.
I removed the seat closest to the door leaving a large square of
empty space - just right for 2 back packs - and a door opening now
wide enough for both children to get out of the car quickly. Problem
solved. Perhaps i might have wondered why the rush to leave their
mother so quickly - but that's for another time! The point is that
talking out is one option for creating change, and changing the
structure is another option.
The structural model of family therapy - when the structure is
changed, the family dynamics changes. The therapist looks more at
process that at content of the concern. The family therapist functions
as a boundary-make whose job it is to help the family create clear
boundaries.
.In a psychodynamic approach to family therapy, the therapists
helps everyone to identify the unresolved traumas from childhood
where they made limiting early decisions about themselves, about
others and about their destiny that is now influencing the present
moment the quality of their life. Any of the family members might
be involved in this process at different times. It happens often
that the children will unwittingly be the recipient of negative
and destructive messages that mom and dad are giving them (often)
non-verbally and (often) out of awareness. Sometimes these negative
and destructive messages are given very directly and intentionally
- with the view that such a direct and confronting approach will
somehow be helpful. The family therapist helps everyone to make
life enhancing decisions that will enrich the quality of their individual
lives and the quality of their family life.
Family therapy is an exciting and rewarding journey in creating
the family you always wanted
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