You Asked It!

 “I am in love with a great guy and we have decided to move in together so that we can work on our relationship. I have a lot of respect for the sanctity of marriage, and with the divorce rate in today’s world I want to make sure that we have the right chemistry before we take that step. Our faith is important to us so we both attend Church and receive Communion every Sunday. My mother is happy that we are going to Church so faithfully but said that because we are living together we should not be approaching to receive Communion. Is what she is saying correct and if so why does the Church exclude people on that basis?”
 

There a couple of issues that you have touched upon in your question and I would like to deal with each of them individually.

 First is the issue of Communion and the view that the Church excludes people from it. In order to address this issue I would like to review what Communion means to begin with. When we approach to receive “Communion” we really mean that we are approaching to receive the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ (also known as the Eucharist). By receiving the Eucharist we ‘enter into communion’ with God in such an intimate way that we truly become one with Him. At this point we are fully members in the Mystical Body of Christ that is the Church in which Christ is the Head. But being ‘in communion’ also comes with the responsibility to live according to His teachings. If I freely choose not to follow one of the teachings of Christ then I have also decided not to be in full ‘communion’ with Him. The Church does not exclude me from communion but rather I choose to exclude myself. By receiving the Eucharist in this way I am being dishonest with myself and with God. Therefore it would be better not to come forward to receive the Eucharist until my relationship with God has been mended. I should seek reconciliation by confessing my failings and ask that they be absolved. Then and only then can I honestly say that I am once again in full ‘communion’ with Christ.

 As far as the second issue of living together, well, I don’t think you will be too surprised to hear that the Church teaches against that. That may sound like out dated thinking to some but, on the contrary, it is just as relevant today as it ever was.

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There is nothing more personal than to give yourself totally to another: mind, soul, and body. But that requires genuine commitment. If either of the three is missing from the equation then the relationship is doomed to fail. When we move in together we are really taking our relationship out for a test drive (some even call it a trial marriage). But doing so actually demonstrates a lack of commitment. I leave an escape route because in the back of my mind I’m expecting the relationship to fail. In the end I’m really dishonouring myself and the other not to mention the sacrament of marriage itself.

 The type of commitment that I’m talking about is based on love. That means that I desire everything that is good for the other. I want to make the other happy and through my giving I myself find happiness. Giving of myself and not expecting anything in return. It’s the desire to be with the other at all times, never wanting to be apart. Of course both parties have to be committed in the same way for the relationship to go further. But I don’t have to live with someone to realize that. By living together I may discover some of their annoying little habits but is that enough to base a decision whether to get married or not? Believe me, if that were the case nobody would be married. If your looking for chemistry, well, don’t forget, things in chemistry blow up but true love is eternal. Take your time, get to know each other. If it’s truly love you’ll know it without the test drive. Then you won’t be afraid to commit yourself to the other and you can then bring your relationship before God by entering into the covenant of marriage.