Dancing with Dynamic

excerpts from an interview with Ma Deva Bhora

came to Osho through Ma Vasanto. We started doing Dynamic meditation and it was just a hoot because we would get into the cathartic stage and Vasanto would race out into the hallway and call her dad and give him shit... We had this wonderful time and when she left, I started doing Dynamic on my own. I found that I was becoming more spontaneous and doing things that I wouldn’t normally have done.

I really got it through Dynamic Meditation what movement is but I don’t think that I realized then the magic of Dynamic or I would have done it a lot more. I was doing yoga, but yoga without some real powerful movement behind it isn’t enough. I just think it’s really important to move as totally as possible to clear our bodies so we can be quiet. For me, it’s impossible to sit and meditate with all this stuff going on in my mind and body. There’s anger, upsets, all those things buzzing through these busy minds of ours and we are just supposed to sit down and clear it all. I’ve never been able to just sit. I can do various tricks – yogic breathing and different things but for me it’s always better to do some movement first.

So it was just the movement of the energy. Dynamic just kept moving my energy in a way I could not do on my own. I pushed myself to get out there and do it. It’s something to do with how Dynamic creates this spontaneity and the things just happen.

As a child I wanted to be a dancer. I didn't have the confidence to go for it professionally so with my parents' encouragement I went into nursing to have something to fall back on. But when I started working in the hospital, it was just so depressing. What was happening to people? Oh my God! So I escaped into marriage with a doctor. We were married for seven years and had two children. Then this angst hit me and I thought I might as well be on Mars as in this marriage. My soul was yelling and I didn't know where to go. I certainly didn't want to go back to nursing. So I went back to university. It didn’t help me get a job, of course, but it gave me an education. So I ended up with my degree in Political Science, back in Vancouver General Hospital.

I was pretty disillusioned. I didn't know what to do so I worked on my body, becoming a vegetarian and doing yoga. I knew that wasn't all. I really sensed that something in my soul needed to happen, but I didn't know what it was. I felt so betrayed by religion.

Then I saw Osho for the first time at the ranch in Oregon in 1983. It was pretty magical, but there was fear because I knew this would ultimately get me. At the same time I could see this incredible energy happening, the possibility of what it could be like when we integrate and allow spirit into our lives, spirit and meditation. So it was really scary and it was really exciting.

At this point I wasn’t meditating regularly but I began to do sitting meditation and Kundalini a lot. I began to realize I was holding old traumas in my body and the only way to clear them was through movement. It's not going to happen through the mind – that's for sure. Osho just speaks so clearly on these matters. Listening to him I began to see what a trickster the mind can be sometimes. How I deceive myself. It's amazing how much time it takes to sink in.

Looking back now I think I had resistance to Dynamic because it was so transformative. Part of my mind resisted real change. A little superficial change is maybe okay. But I got something from Osho and meditation that grounded what had been missing and got me out into the world again in a way I hadn't been prepared to try before I dropped out.

Several months ago I spent a weekend at this very magical place and I got a message from inside, “Do Dynamic!” Oh no, not Dynamic! How was I going to do that and work? My shifts at the hospital were all over the place.

I came back to Vancouver on a Monday and didn’t do Dynamic. I was supposed to start work at 7 am Tuesday and I was in fear because I hadn’t done it on Monday. On Tuesday I was too tired to do it. By Tuesday night I knew that it didn’t matter how much sleep I got – I had to get up and do Dynamic. I couldn’t sleep and I tried everything. I did energy work on myself. I sat up and meditated. At 1 am I was waking up instead of going to sleep. It was lightly raining and I went out for a walk and and got hit by a van at a crosswalk! I didn’t do Dynamic so I got hit by a truck instead!

I’m not sure I understand all the stages of Dynamic even now because I’m such a kinesthetic person; I tend to do and experience what it’s like and then later on I’ll be encouraged to find out exactly why. The chaotic breathing really grounds me because I often don’t breathe deeply enough. It puts me in touch with my feelings so I can express myself totally in the catharsis. In the HOO stage, it’s like grounding cosmic energy. That’s what it feels like to me. It’s asking spirit to come down. After the first three stages when I stop, I sometimes see energy moving with my eyes closed. I’m looking from very far away and it’s very peaceful. I have to move totally before I can be quiet.

It feels really spiritual for me to dance. I love it. I go out dancing at the Yale because it’s my favourite spot and I love dancing to blues and jazz. My girlfriends and I go down there. There’s this resistance when I get up and I’m afraid people will feel I’m silly going out on the dance floor alone. But Dynamic has taught me to really go for it and as I dance harder and harder it feels to me like a prayer. I get a lot of happiness from it and I want other people to get up and dance with me. It’s a celebration for me to dance. Dancing is my prayer.

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