Remembering the Higher
Sometimes I feel very strong and radiant. Whatever happens around me doesn't really affect me. I feel a beautiful distance from events. But at other times I feel my skin has been stripped away and everything can reach deeply into me; a seemingly unfriendly word or gesture can hurt me for hours. I want to hide in some corner feeling very weak.
I know perfectly well I have regressed in these states, but this is frequently just an intellectual insight, not really a help in dropping the dis-ease. I don't like this childishness, but apparently I have to face it in order to take this step.
Can you help?
he question is significant, with many implications. First, when you are feeling good, radiant, nothing touches you, nothing affects you. That means nothing really ever affects you. It is just that you are missing your radiance, you are missing your awareness, your aloofness. So rather than becoming obsessed with a negative thing, regression into childhood, hiding in a corner and not wanting to come out and then thinking how to face it, how to drop it don't concentrate on it.
When you know moments in which you are not touched by anything, then concentrate on the positive, spread that radiance, that aloofness, that awareness, so that more and more you are covered with it. The other will disappear on its own accord. You need not even bother about it.
This is something basic in spiritual growth: if you get bothered about something, then some very small thing starts looking very big. You have a small wound, and you start playing with the wound, and you don't allow it to heal and you want the wound to heal. But touching the wound again and again and remaining concentrated on the wound is not going to heal it. Forget all about it. The body has its own wisom; it will heal it. Don't interfere in the body's way.
The mind has its own way. This regression into childhood is a problem of the mind, and the radiance you feel is an experience of your being. Remember the higher. Be filled more and more with the higher so that the lower disappears on its own accord. Rather than getting concerned with the lower... In those concerns, the higher will not appear, and you will feel the lower becoming more and more strong.
The very idea that you want to drop it is dangerous, because whenever you want to drop something, that means you are very much attached to it. If somebody comes to his door every morning, after collecting all the junk from cleaning his house, and shouts to the neighbour, I want to throw it. I really want to throw it... And the person is holding tight to all that junk while he is shouting, I want to throw it. I really want to drop it. Nobody is preventing. Nobody is concerned. It is junk. There is no need to make so much fuss about it, simply drop it.
But you can simply drop it only if you are at a higher stage. There only can you see it is junk. If you are in the stage itself, you cannot drop it. You can think.
And remember, thinking that, I want to drop it is really a way of protecting it. Or thinking, I don't want it. The more fanatically you shout that you want to drop it shows how deeply you are entrenched in it.
There is no question of dropping anything.
My understanding is, rather than dropping anything, why not move away?
These are two different things.
You are on the rung of a ladder. You want to drop it, and you are standing on it. The only way to drop it is to move ahead to a higher rung, and the lower is no more effective. The farther you go from the lower, the more it is disappearing in the darkness.
So always remember, never get concentrated on the negative.
That's how our mind functions. Just a small thing and it makes it big, becomes concentrated on it, wants to drop it, starts fighting with it, and it becomes bigger by fighting. The more you fight with it, the more you give energy to it, and the more energy it has, many more times you are defeated.
So a strange, vicious circle is created. You fight, you fail; and each time you fail, your courage to fight again is less. You know that it is not a simple job, you have fought before; so failure becomes stamped on your mind that whatever you do you are going to fail. You can try once more but you will fail. Nobody can win fighting against any negative state.
So don't think in terms of dropping your regression into childhood. You already know that there are moments when you don't regress, so why not concentrate on that state and spread it all over you. Concentrate on the positive and the regression will disappear, because it is only a memory. You are no more a child. It is nothing much, just writing on water.
The child you have left far behind. It is just a memory. Don't make it very solid by fighting with it. The best thing you can do about it is ignore it. Don't give any juice to it. Even if once in a while it happens, ignore it; just make it clear to yourself it is just a memory and nothing else. You cannot regress, it is only the memory of childhood. You cannot become a child, but the memory is there.
And in childhood, every child has moments of helplessness. He is small, dependent; everybody is big and powerful, so he finds a small corner in the house and hides there, weeps there. That memory is still there, but it is only a memory. It can be erased, and the simple way to erase it... Your moments of radiance are a reality, not a memory; they are happening now. They are powerful. Spread those moments more.
Just look into those moments, what triggers them, what brings them. Walking on the beach helps it, going to the swimming pool helps it, sitting silently under a tree helps it, playing the guitar helps it. Whatever helps it, all those elements, find them out and let them become more and more strong. And the memory has no power; you give power to it. It will disappear.
I would not like you to drop it. I would like it to disappear on its own accord. Then it will not leave even a scratch behind. If you drop it... in the first place nobody has ever been able to drop anything.
I am making a categorical statement: nobody in the whole history of man has been able to drop anything. Those who have tried have failed. [...]
My understanding is, every renouncement is false unless things drop by themselves whether it is money, whether it is some childhood memory, whether it is some mental problem. Do not try to drop them. In dropping them you are giving them importance. They need to be ignored.
Put your whole energy into that which is grown-up in you, which is growing more. When no energy is left for your childhood memories to be relived again, they will disappear. There is no direct action needed.
Let me repeat it again: no direct action against any negative thing; otherwise you will always be caught in its net. Focus on the positive, on the affirmative. It is the affirmative, the positive, that is going to bring you freedom, freedom from these problems.
excerpted from Path of the Mystic