Through the Secret Doorway

from the eye of the cyclone into meditation

by Ma Gyanesha

he first time I saw Osho in 1982 I went somewhere that was unfamiliar and yet totally familiar to me. While I was at the Ranch I was bombarded by energy and joy and bliss and chaos and anger and tears and frustration and laughter and food and hugging and I was pregnant. There was an eclipse of the moon that was so spectacular. I felt that the Gods were everywhere.

Driving back from the Ranch I said to a friend, “I will never be the same again. This is a new woman that's putting her foot out of the van.” That old me from before was either completely melted into the new person or she had gone on to other things – she had transformed. I was a brand new baby woman. I was a brand new baby – but also a woman getting out of the van.

The birth of my son, John, five months later was incredible – and the time with him when he was a new born baby was such a discovery. I felt Osho there with me while my body was healing. John was really a part of my new birth. His birth was a part of my connection with Osho. After my body felt strong again, I started to do Dynamic Meditation. My journey with Dynamic deepened my own birth process.

The first few times I had no problem with Dynamic – but then I was faced majorly with my resistance. My resistance was huge. I was sleepy, boring, frustrated with life. I wanted to die rather than live. I saw what resistance was, I truly did. I went through it step by step. By watching my resistance I went into all the issues that I had.

I would get up in the morning at six o'clock. I knew I was going to do Dynamic; that was an agreement that I had with myself. Every day I would get up and I would feel so resistant. I would feel angry, and frustrated. But I would just say okay that's there and I would keep moving. I would slowly make my bed; I would say okay I feel very resistant and I'm going to make my bed now. Okay I feel very resistant, I'm going to get dressed now. Okay I feel very resistant, I'm going to do Dynamic now. Until I actually started to move my body I went through an hour of major resistance and I didn' t stop what I was doing – I just kept watching it; I kept working with it. It took me two weeks before I actually felt that I was getting up to do Dynamic because I wanted to do it. And then I had to go through layers of resistance in my body that were not at all familiar to me.

Dynamic is an active meditation designed by Osho to work on your resistance to silence and your resistance to celebration. It uses a progression of energy to help you into the realm of silence and then prepares you to step out into the world. again.

The first stage of dynamic is chaotic breathing, it opens your body and gets your energy moving. The second stage of Dynamic is catharsis – acting out emotions. What I discovered about the catharsis is that it didn't matter what I did. I could be wild like an animal; I could be angry like a child; or I could be completely stuck. What-ever I was, if I was total it would happen anyway. Every time I did the cathartic stage I had a com-pletely different experience. Sometimes I would be on fire and sometimes I would feel very soft. Sometimes I would be really quiet It was always different.

The third stage of Dynamic, the Hoo stage, breaks down your resistance. In this stage you jump up and down, you land on your feet, particularly on your heels, and with your arms above your head you say the word Hoo. This works to create a shock wave that opens your sex center, travels up through your chakras and spreads through your whole body. This shock wave will penetrate anywhere you have resistance. In your knees, in your pelvis, in your neck and shoulders. These bands of resistance are where you lock up your energy. What I really love and appreciate about this stage is the moment when you go through the resistance and you find out that you are in the energy. You know when you're jogging and you reach that first point of resistance. You don' t stop. You go deeper into it – you breathe into it. It's the same with Dynamic. You're jumping with the Hoo – you go deeper and deeper into it so you pass that hurdle and you go into a second layer of resistance. When you go through that layer you have more energy. By putting out more you have more. Now you are doing it without doing it; it's happening by itself; your body begins to shift. It shifts into the place that I call meditation. It's actually a physical shifting that happens in your body when this door opens. After the “Stop!” you enter a very serene silent let-go phase that feels so divine, so sacred.

Every day that I did Dynamic, more and more of my belief systems about who I thought I was were falling away. I saw that I had been naive, not knowing much about the energy in my body. I'd been asleep – living in a dream or a fantasy. Dynamic started to wake me up in a way I never imagined possible. It was new and yet when I got there it felt familiar. I'd thought I was a really open kind of person, but when all my resistance came up in Dynamic, I saw that I wasn't really so open after all. I was afraid to change. I didn' t want to go deeper. I didn't want to lose the fantasy or the image of who I thought I was. Now I had to look at my reactivity and see how long I'd carried my weapons with me – ready to attack. I realized that these weapons were not what I needed. I needed to put them down, these “tools of survival.” I was learning about new tools. I was picking up something different. I was discovering something different – that letting go was about being vulnerable.

After I had been doing Dynamic for about 25 days, I began to whirl in the last stage of dancing and celebration. I went deeper and deeper into the whirling and it became a device for me. It happened very spontaneously. I began having images of having done this before. I remembered hearing Osho say that if you fall into a whirlpool, don't fight it, go down though it and it will shoot you out at the bottom. That's how it felt when I was whirling. One day I was whirling and I was no more. For a few seconds I disappeared. I found a secret doorway, that I hadn't been through before. It's difficult to find words to talk about this silence. When you clear the rocks out of the way you find the doorway to the secret garden and you enter this doorway. It's not what you normally do. It's not a work of words. It's not the realm of doing. It's not a feeling of having to do or be anything. It is just a state of pure being and total silence.

more by this author

Contents 3