Slap Happy

potato and a carrot are hitch-hiking at the side of the road when a cyclist comes around the corner and runs down the potato.
The next day the carrot goes to visit his friend in the hospital. The potato does not look too good.
“Tell me, doc,” says the carrot anxiously, “do you think my friend will be okay?”
“He may recover,” replies the doctor, “but frankly, for the rest of his life he will be a vegetable.”

ne night, after their owner is asleep, the parts of the body are arguing about which has the toughest job. “I’ve really got it tough,” moan the feet. “He puts me in these smelly sneakers, makes me jog until I have blisters... it’s awful!”
“You’ve got no reason to complain,” says the stomach. “Just last night, I got nothing but beer, spaghetti and aspirin. It’s a miracle I kept it together.”
“Ah, quit bitching, you two,” moans the prick. “Every night he sticks me up a dark tunnel and makes me do push-ups until I throw up!”

ittle Ernie is at the zoo with his teacher, Miss Goodbody, and the entire class. They are touring around when Ernie sees a deer grazing peacefully on some grass.
“Ernie, can you tell us the name of that animal?” asks Miss Goodbody, pointing to the deer.
“Well,” says Ernie, “I think it is a.... I guess it is a...”
“Let me give you a hint,” interrupts Miss Goodbody. “What does your mother call your father every morning?”
“Oh, right!” shouts Ernie. “It’s an asshole!”

[Okay, Okay! There aren't many jokes. So sue me. Better yet, visit Samsara, Sannyas List Jokes (neither certified Osho jokes) or get Vimal's book! And the good news – in the serious news dept – is that Vimal's book, an exhaustive collection of Osho's jokes, running to over 700 pages, has just been released and is available from Viha Center in Mill Valley, Publications Osho in Montreal and probably fine Osho bookshops everywhere]

And here is a sample from the Sannyas List Jokes:

gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

Contents 4

Jokes 3 Jokes 2 Jokes 1

More cartoons can be found at Amazing Cartoons!