Nutsy Bits Nutsy Bits Nutsy Bits

[updated Apr 12, 1998]

One of my favourite of Osho's observations on the human condition concerns insanity. While we normally think of insanity as being "out of one's mind," Osho characterizes it as being totally in the mind. And so he gives us ways to leave the prison of the mind: therapies, meditations and jokes – lots of jokes. Some of his greatest jokes have been "true stories." The fact that it's pretty dumb out there gives him tons of material, and we can use this material to help us escape our prisons. We can laugh, always a good idea, and we can simultaneously get it that it's also pretty dumb in here....

The Ultimate Headache Cure

Britain's New Scientist reports that Krystof Azinski, a 30-year-old Polish farmer, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and test their strength. Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man seized a chainsaw and cut off his foot.
Not to be outdone, Azinski grabbed the saw, shouted "Watch this then!" and chopped off his own head.
[Culled from the Vancouver Sun, March 21/98]

Unclear on the Concept Dept

[Thanks to Sannyas List Jokes, a site with a fine joke collection, for these little gems]

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons,setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

A Los Angeles man, who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

The following is an actual radio conversation released by the US Chief of Naval Operations on 10 October 1995:
NAVY: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
CIVILIAN: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
NAVY: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CIVILIAN: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
NAVY: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
CIVILIAN: This is a lighthouse. Your call.



More nuggets will be coming but meanwhile, if you can't wait, there is Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird, a sample of which follows:

The Boob Tube

A March New York Times story described what it called really bad Japanese TV shows, among them one in which bikini-clad young women crush aluminum cans by squeezing them between their breasts and another in which a young child was brought on stage and told that his mother had just been shot to death – for the purpose of seeing how many seconds would elapse before he started crying. March 8/97

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