In the Flow

bodywork in the Buddhafield

excerpts from an interview with Ma Dhyan Usha

've done bodywork all my life. After taking sannyas in Poona in l979, I studied shiatsu and massage there. When I returned to Poona after the Ranch, I knew I wanted to do something different. The Osho Craniosacral Balancing Training was the biggest transforming experience of my whole life.

Craniosacral Balancing allows the body to heal itself and the mind to become silent. It's very subtle, working with the cerebrospinal fluid, which circulates around the brain and outside the spinal cord.

While it has a solid scientific grounding, which I appreciate, there's a whole area of Cranio that taps into things that are really beyond the beyond. It's not work; it's tuning in. It's not giving; it's sharing. There's a space inside where I'm following what the body wants rather than trying to make it better. It's such a meditation for me to tune into myself like that. I have to watch carefully because it's so subtle. I have to really step out of my mind.

You can't try in this work; you've got to really just let go and let it happen. There's a technique called stillpoint where you manually stop the flow of the cerebrospinal fluid. It took me a while to feel because I was trying too hard. Stillpoint allows the body to take a break to heal itself; it's a meditative space. When you're deeply in meditation you're in stillpoint; your system has stopped and there's space, there's emptiness; all sorts of unknown subtle levels are shifting and moving to give you more energy.

The first time I felt it, the sensation went right to my belly – it was like, Ah! That's it! She's in stillpoint. And I learned that that was really a message for me. It's deep in my inner belly, in my hara, this knowing that I'm in the right spot. My belly tells me. And if I'm in the wrong place, very often I get a tickle in my throat or my eyes start stinging or watering. Or if I'm on a hot spot, if it's really happening, my body starts shaking. I have to follow what my hands tell me or what my inner instinct tells me. I have to be really aware of that, really in tune with it and that takes a lot of practice.

When I started the Osho Craniosacral Training in Poona I was scared because I knew it was going to change my life. The first two weeks of the training I had dengue fever. So I had a lot of resistance – it was major. But I found something that I loved and wanted to do and I knew it was what I was supposed to do. I just felt excited for the first time in my life. I felt like I was really re-formed. Physically my body became different; people told me that I looked different. Energetically I became more grounded.

Some of the experiences that I went through were really big – birth traumas and past life traumas. I'd done rebirthing and primal work before but somehow with Cranio I felt more supported. I felt I could go into it deeper. I encountered my birth trauma: my mother was scared to give birth to me. I was her first child and she was hanging on tightly and wouldn't let me come out so I had to use all my force to be born. I was suffocating and dying in there, basically – and I had a lot to process about that.

I could really experience it and I knew it was up to me how far I went; I wasn't going to be pushed. And that gave me a lot of space. I felt loved, I felt cared for, and in the primal experience I hadn't felt that – I'd been terrified. And so it gave more room to really experience what was there. For the first time I felt someone was facilitating my process. I wasn't being told what to do or how to do it. And that was just a huge eye-opener for me – a huge change in attitude.

While sitting with Osho I've gone to some spaces inside myself that are pretty profound. Through meditating with Osho and listening to his words I've reached some understanding of what no-mind means, of what emptiness means. I can take that understanding into my work to realize that that's where the access is, that's where reality and truth is. When I'm working with somebody, I trust that I don't need to know anything, and that stepping out of my mind and my knowledge actually puts me into a space of just being.

When I'm leading a training in the Buddhafield, it's certainly different from out here in the world. Osho's presence is strong and things move much quicker, people move deeper and more intensely into themselves. When I'm teaching I need to be constantly aware to be in a facilitating space and not to push. I have to watch that I'm allowing people to transform in their own way but at the same time acting as a catalyst for their transformation.

I feel that what happens in the Buddhafield widens our perceptions so we can strip away our masks and go right into who we are in truth. You're challenged on all levels by other people or by situations to do it. And we're all ultimately wanting to know who we are. And we're all ultimately wanting to be free, or know love – and that longing is magnified when you're in the Buddhafield.

When I sit in front of a group I look around and wonder what's going to happen. There's like a reservoir inside me that I tap into. I have to be in a spontaneous in-the-moment space. If I walk in with all my stuff planned, it doesn't work. When I come from that space of not knowing what's going to happen and something does happen, there's a light in the room, there's a spark and people get it. If I don't plan and just allow, it's extraordinary what comes.

I just need to trust what's in me and trust what I have, without being so terrified and in control and worried that I don't have enough. I'm always walking on this edge – and that's Osho.

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