Illumination from a Mother's Death

by Sw Antar Vimal

t is midnight. I do the Kundalini shaking for 15 minutes and lie down in my bed, watching the area of my hara rise and fall as I do every night before sleep. I don’t know how long I have slept before I see an emerging powerful dream image.

My mother is standing in front of a Swiss cottage, smiling. She is holding my twin brother in one arm and me in the other. We’re just babies. All of a sudden flames start from the left side of the image and the whole image is soon engulfed by fire. While I watch the flames it feels as if someone is piercing me through the belly with a dagger. I am in so much pain that I wake up crying and screaming. I call out for Gyanesha and she comes to my room to help me. I tell her about the dream and we agree that I should go home to Winnipeg for a long overdue visit to see my ailing mother. It is 5 in the morning, July 5 1990.

I arrive in Winnipeg. My stepfather says, “Vimal, you’re too late. Your mother passed away July 5th at 5 AM your time!”

I’m back in Vancouver. I look at Osho’s picture. My legs suddenly turn to rubber; my whole being shatters. I crawl to the couch in front of the picture. My whole body goes into a fetal position.

I ask the Universe for total forgiveness, forgiveness for all that has happened and not happened between mother and myself – for not being in time to see her before her death. And as I weep the whole room is filled with the light of love and forgiveness and compassion. This compassion is so total that nothing can compare to it. It feels like my mother’s energy is there fused with the compassion energy.

Suddenly the whole energy phenomenon disappears. There is a silence that pervades my whole being and everything is totally all right.

I was never the same again. This was a gift from the unknown much like the gift of sannyas. These things are given outside of space-time and physical reality – love in its purest essence.

I would never want this experience in any other way. The way it happened was the way it was meant to be for that mystery to exist. I was fortunate enough to totally experience a mother’s compassion for what it is – beyond the physical.

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