Remembering Myself as a Buddha
by Sw Dhyan Vishram
Just for a few seconds close your eyes and remember the path and the source you have found, and the buddha nature you have experienced. This moment you are the most blessed people on the earth.
Remembering yourself as a buddha is the most precious experience, because it is your eternity, it is your immortality. It is not you, it is your existence. You are one with the stars and the trees and the sky and the ocean. You are no longer separate.
The last word of Buddha was sammasati.... Remember that you are a buddha sammasati.
Osho, ending His last discourse, on April 10, 1989
admit that I lived through most of my sannyas life without accepting the truth, the reality of these words of Osho for myself. Okay, I thought, everybody is a buddha, so I must be too. But such thinking had no significance, it was only thinking. I was not touched, not affected, not changed.
For a long time I carried inside a question I wanted to ask Osho but did not because I was too embarrassed, and afraid that He would blast me for it because it seemed so simple and basic.
I realized that I did not know what Osho meant when He said that the way is in, that we had to look within. What did looking in mean? I could watch my thoughts (sometimes), my emotions (occasionally), but I felt that this was not what Osho meant when He said in. For years I had no clue what in meant.
Only recently I started sensing an answer: in means a different way of seeing, a different way of being, of resting and yet being alert, of looking at everything with a lighthearted let be!
I fall into this space when I am at ease, neither concerned about worldly affairs nor anxious about my spiritual progress, at ease in just watching the clouds sail over the sky (or the sailboats over English Bay), at ease in knowing that wherever I am, wherever I'll be, there is no way I can fall out of it. A deep relaxation sets in... and I am in.
When I am in, remembering that I am a buddha, accepting that I am a buddha is easy and natural; in fact it is not even an accepting, for that implies there could also be a not-accepting, a rejecting. Not so!
There is just this space; I call it buddha-space, and it just is, unquestionable, undeniable. No need to look for it, no need to run for it, no need to do anything about it. Even if I'd wanted to escape from it, I couldn't. It just is, everywhere and always which does not mean that I always dwell in buddha-space, no way, man! There are still enough wants and want-nots left so the old mind comes in pretty soon and pulls me back to normal. And trying to picture myself as a buddha from the standpoint of the normal-crazy-insane mind is just preposterous.
But to remember myself as a buddha is easy and natural when I am in. And the more often it happens, the more relaxed I am when I am not in. Just resting, relaxing in my centre, unworried, untroubled, my viewpoint changes, my perspective shifts, and buddha-space is right here, self-evident and clear.
This buddha-space seems to pervade my thoughts, my emotions they don't have so much power anymore, they become less substantial, more transparent, easier to see and understand.
Can't Better a Buddha
And so, remembering myself as a buddha lightens that constant urge to improve upon myself, to pretend to be better than I really am. Remembering that I am a buddha, accepting that I am whole and sane, all my trying hard to better myself, to purify myself, to get rid of my hang-ups, to create a little space of silence and serenity, fall away. The effort is just unnecessary and totally inappropriate. Can I improve upon a buddha? Can I purify a buddha? Can I better a buddha? Silly me!
Trying to better my mind/myself and to work on my hang-ups means necessarily that I do not accept myself as I am now. And then, fighting with myself, I am tense and everything else but relaxed or at ease.
But the gateway to buddha-space is relaxation. So relaxation is what needs to happen instead of improvement, purification, cleansing, instead of dropping, fighting with and throwing out.
There is no need to work on my jealousy, my anger, my co-dependency or my inability to enjoy sex as much as the Tantra books tell me I should. All these hang-ups can be left just as they are, without trying to get rid of them and without indulging them either.
The buddha resides in a space entirely different from the one where the hang-ups of the mind exist. So I just need to shift to buddha space and those hang-ups are left behind and lose their hold on me.
Sometimes when I am sad or depressed, I suddenly realize that I do not accept these negative feelings, that I try often very subtly to push them away. When I'm sad, I don't want to be sad; when I'm angry, jealous, miserable I don't want it!
And that's exactly why these dark and negative spaces, these disturbing emotions, are so persistent and powerful. Fighting them, even not being totally at ease with them, binds me to mind-space and prevents my shifting to buddha-space.
The moment I realize this, I sort of step back and see both my negative feelings and my not accepting them and in this seeing I am released from both; just taking one step back and seeing the whole picture and I'm out of it!
Negative spaces, disturbing emotions, exist in mind-space; they do not exist in buddha-space. Therefore, not doing anything about them, relaxing, being at ease, leaving them alone, I move into buddha-space and they are left behind.
And so, remembering myself as a buddha gives me a sense of direction in my life; it works like a compass pointing north, giving me a reference for whatever direction I am headed at the moment.
I never knew that direction finder. Something in me was always unfulfilled, something was missing. I was not whole. I felt the loss, but never knew what it was. And I tried to fill that missing part with so many things! It never worked!
I remember standing in Lao Tzu garden one day, where I was working as close to Osho as I physically could get, the envy of other sannyasins and yet I felt frustrated. I thought, Oh, I'm really ungrateful. Being here, working in His garden, what more can I possibly want? And yet I felt unfulfilled, frustrated. I felt a longing that I did not know how to get a hold on, that I could not even name.
I could find no help in Osho's words either. As far as I remembered, He insisted that life has no meaning, which I understood wrongly as no meaning at all. Period. But recently I found the following of His words:
When I said to you yesterday there was no meaning in life, there is no ultimate goal, you can misunderstand me. What I was really saying is that there is no meaning in life; hence you are free to create it. There is no goal in life, no fixed fatality; then your hands are free to paint, to sculpt, to love, to live. But now you have to depend only on one thing, and that is your own inner light.
Remembering myself as a buddha brings a fulfillment I never knew before. In this buddha-space my frustration, my longing, my search for fulfillment dissolve and there is meaning and significance. In this light, long-held beliefs, opinions, emotions that seem so important become more fluid and transparent. A new understanding of my life emerges. Now I can see the direction. Now I know the way. No goal has to be reached urgently, hastily; every step is fulfilling on its own. And there is no thought of Oh, now I've got it!, no feel of spiritual achievement; there is just a big Yes! to an ongoing process, a dancing, joyful Yes.
The buddha heart is full of gratitiude and love.
Maneesha has asked a question:
Our beloved Master,
Are we born with an innate, inward propulsion towards self-realization? Alternatively, is the nature of truth such that it attracts that which is of it? Or are there altogether different dynamics at play in regard to enlightenment?
Maneesha, both the things function together. The magnet of your buddhahood pulls you inwards, and the thirst that is created out of disappointments in life makes you ready to search. You have looked all around and have not found anything. You have been thirsty, and thirsty, and thirsty, and everything has failed, all promises are broken.
Then a moment comes, you start looking inwards. You have looked outside enough, just
give a chance to the inner, that idea arises automatically, and there is your innate buddha pulling you. And once you look inside, both start functioning together, moving closer to each other. Halfway they meet.
A Sufi saying is, If you take one step towards truth, truth takes a thousand steps towards you.
No other dynamic is needed. All that is needed is a clarity about disappointment in the outside world, and an intelligence to remind you that you have not searched inwards. Just these two things are needed. A thirsty inquiry, and the buddha is sitting there like great magnet pulling you towards him and also moving closer to you. The meeting is always in the middle.
I help you to go inside in search of your inner centre. That is the centre where you will meet the buddha. He will come out from the hidden treasure of your being to welcome you at the gate. The centre of your being is the gate of the cosmos.
It is time for Sardar Gurudayal Singh.
In fact , it is late.
Osho, from One Seed Makes the Whole Earth Green