I feel isolated. I have nothing of a life that has profundity. My
devotees are supposed to be cultivating the relationship and conveying gifts to
Me. Another year has passed, and still we have not accomplished anything. There
is no recognition, no process, nothing happening, nothing fundamentally has
changed. In between My Sittings in the Chair, there is nothing to convey or to
do with Me that makes it right. [July 5, 2000]
There is no response to My Literature. [Dawn Horse Press sales are very low.]
Why should I even print it? Nothing comes of it. This gathering is not
communicating any great message. There is no culture of recognition. I Sit and
Work Spiritually, and you all do nothing in response. [July 5, 2000]
I never receive gifts, no real description of process, no real relating to Me
and finding out what I want. Everything is always collapsing and there are no
gifts. And I end up waiting while people are saying they are doing the things
they have to do in order to get the gifts.
...I am not anywhere. I just sit and pretend. There is no real process around Me.
What am I here for? ...It's the same dead pattern. There are no gifts. No one is
creating the new pattern. I am still treated like an asshole.
...You are just enclosing Me in this theater of you all. There is nothing going
on with the mission or My Literature. There is no event in the gathering. You
are not creating anything.
...Truly, I am just serving a secondary, religion business function. I am a Face
in the Chair to keep the religion business going such that it is. My Great
Divine Work or Process is bullshit to everyone. I cease to have the impulses to
hang around even here. I want to get the hell out of here. I have no inclination
to go to the Hall. You don't give Me any reason.
Why have people been so unresponsive to Me? Why is there such destruction of My
Work? After 30 years there still aren't any missionary results. So what is the
source of this non-event? What is defeating it? Why are there no signs of this
resistance changing? [July 25, 2000]
You have not done anything in all these thirty years, and here I
Am, almost sixty-one years of age, and I have seen that My Work has failed...I
have been rejected. You have not accepted Me. This entire gathering
has never come to a point of accepting Me. There is no response or recognition...You have wasted My Life -- My actual human Life. You have made Me into a cult
figure...You have made Adidam into a non-event with your reactivity. [September
I just went into the gathering again for my sixty-first birthday,
and I can no longer do it. It was clear to me that it is done. It is completely
I can never make myself available again to the world of beginners. It just
cannot be done. It must not be done again. I must be permanently set
apart, from this time forth, in an established hermitage -- with access
only as appropriate.
You must build me a temple.
You all have such a habit of wrongly relating to me that you do not even
understand what you are doing. Therefore, no one set me part and created the
appropriate seclusion for me to live in. So I simply have to do it myself.
I will not tolerate anything else. From now on, I will be intolerant about this.
I am dropping the egg. This is a form of dropping the egg. I evaporated at Lopez
Island. And I am in a different form here now.
...I will never again set foot within the gathering in the manner I have done in
the past. I will never again be available in the manner I have been in the past.
Access will only occur in a profoundly sacred environment, in a sacred temple
where it is worthy for people to approach me based on their devotional
recognition of me and devotional response to me. And the people coming to me
must be worthy -- truly worthy -- with the true gifts of practice and
devotion and fulfillment of their responsibilities and obligations.
It is not appropriate for me to exist in interactive association with the
Pan-Communion and the Ruchirasala any longer.
Truly, it has not been appropriate for the last fifteen years, since my Divine
Self-"Emergence" -- but no one has understood this, and they have
required me to maintain this association with beginners, even to the point of
And I could feel the same symptoms occurring again because of my physical
association with beginning devotees at the Mountain of Attention this weekend.
So it is clear to me that that form of directly interactive association with
beginners is over -- it is done.
...For there to be access, it has to be a big deal. In other words, I have to be
really set apart, and all of the obligations have to be really fulfilled
relative to the Ruchirasala and the Pan-Communion. And if they don't do it, I am
not going to grant access and that is that.
I require big gifts, and these gifts must be brought to me in the context of my
holy sphere, which is not a religion-business place -- it is a holy, sacred