32(+) Criteria of Enlightenment
(Original 32 supplied by Greg Goode, additions by others)

Lots of folks here [in the GR Forum] have been talking about enlightenment but there seems to be no agreement on what and even whether it is.  So to liven things up even more, here are some things that have actually been suggested sometimes seriously and in earnest, other times as an expedient teaching.  Most, but not all, of the characteristics assume that there actually exists something called enlightenment, as a state or condition.

Sources include:  Rosicrucianism, Sedona Method/Lester Levenson, SYDA YOGA, Ramesh Balsekar, Wayne Liquorman,  Francis Lucille, Gangaji, Prasad, Neelam, Oshana, Ammachi, myself, satsang attendees and e-mail list participants from many countries.

I boiled a much larger list down to 32, such an auspicious number  :-)  They range from the prosaic (#10) to the outlandish (#'s 13, #17, #28) to the incompatible-when-in-the-same-list (#'s 6-7) and (8-9) to the oh-so-clever (#27).  I'm not aware of any one school or teacher that has advocated all 32 characteristics, but each single characteristic has been put forth by someone out there really teaching or struggling with this stuff.

My favorite is #24. There is a satsang teacher who seems to earnestly and in an attached way, seriously advocate it.  And I've actually known people who have heard it and taken it deeply to heart.  They've gone home and thrown away their entire music collection, and gone out to buy a bunch of Bach CD's.  Just to get a little closer.  Similarly with #23 and their wardrobe.  In the teacher, ideas like these are the effects of projecting one's aesthetic tastes upon one's spiritual notions.

Similar hijinks have been caused by people believing #10.  It has made spiritual seeking very politically incorrect in certain circles, and in effect has driven it underground.  This criterion has turned seeking into a dirty word, and the seeking impulse into a yearning admitted only to one's closest fellow travellers/sufferers on the path.  Like the following scenario, which is played out in many different ways:

   "Why are you visiting your guru in India in August? 
   Isn't it hot?  You look pale.  You're running to
   the bathroom a lot.  Are you alright?"

   "Me?  Seeking?  Nah!!!  Yes, I am sweating and
   running to the toilet with dysentery every 10
   minutes?  But seeking?  No, not at all! 
   I'm here sharing in the love!" 

An odd one is the familiar #14.  If something like that were really true, it would have spread as fast as a contagious disease over the last several millennia.  So then why wouldn't the entire world now be enlightened?

32 Characteristics of an Enlightened One (herein abbreviated EO)
========================================

 
1. There's nothing the EO *shouldn't* do everything she does is spontaneous and right, no matter what it seems like from the viewpoint of others.  Unenlightened people, however, should still follow morality.

2. The EO never has sex.

3. The EO will be very sexually attractive to others.

4. The EO never leaves the place where Enlightenment occurred.

5. The EO had free will, but lost it.

6. The EO has no emotional responses.

7. The EO has emotional responses, but doesn't reject or cling to them.

8. The EO has a mind, but it is non-reactive.

9. The EO has no more mind, period.

10. The EO is simply one who has stopped spiritual seeking.

11. The EO will have gay sex if previously they had been hetero, and will have hetero sex if before they had been gay.

12. The EO actually is actually not an entity at all.  Other people, however, still are entities.

13. The EO knows that the ego is carried in the blood, not the brain.

14. The EO is able to enlighten others.

15. The EO is in constant contact with ascended masters.

16. The EO, being Consciousness Itself, has the siddhi powers to manifest anything she wants in this world. Only her restraint and good taste keep her from exercising this power in a crass and show-offish way.

17. The EO must have been born in India to a Brahmin family.  Anyone else, especially non-Indians, can never reach enlightenment in this lifetime.  The best they can hope for is to live a good life and be re-born in India.  As a cockroach.

18. The EO has transcended each and every one of the 172 levels of consciousness.

19. The EO constantly sees a blue pearl at their forehead level, during waking, dreaming, and deep sleep.

20. The EO doesn't need to work for a living.

21. EOs are always teachers.

22. EOs never need to apologize.

23. The EO wears only white, blue and shades of beige.

24. The EO doesn't like heavy metal, rap, or country-western music, because these come from the lower chakras, whereas classical music comes directly from the Self, not filtered and distorted through the lower chakras.

25. The EO is beyond God.

26. The EO can't be recognized except by another EO.

27. The EO is one who sees that there is no such thing as enlightenment. 

28. The EO hardly ever spends time on the Internet.

29. The EO is as blissful as in an orgasm, all the time.

30. The EO is outside of time; other people are still in time.

31. The EO has no preferences.

32. There is a fragrance of patchouli that emanates from the EO.

                   . . . and the additions . . . 

33. An EO sees everyone else as enlightened too. Jody Radzik

34. The EO has no more mind/body consciousness. 

35. The EO knows she's an EO.

36. The EO has no consciousness of being an EO.

37. The EO is in constant knowledge of the Beloved.

38. One is not an EO unless everyone agrees.

39. The EO can tell you what happens during deep sleep.

40. An EO never laughs.  Seven more from Greg

41. The EO is never totally serious. Dan Berkow

42. An EO can take on the karma of others. This may have a harmful effect on her body, which can be offset by going into Nirvikalpa Samadhi. The degree of healing depends on the duration and depth of the Samadhi."

43. An EO's eyes don't need to blink.   Two from J Sreedhar

44. An EO never states that she "realized the Self," or similar formulations. Karta

45. An EO will not reincarnate, only misery reincarnates.   Sarlo 

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