The Sleeping Teachers List
(sent by Vicki Woodyard)

As I was lying down for my afternoon nap, I'll be darned if a funny thought didn't pop into my mind.  It would give me no peace until I got up and drug myself to the computer and composted, excuse me, composed,...the following. Note to myself: Need to get a following....

Rules for Becoming A Sleeping Teacher

l. Don't miss nap time. Milk and cookie prasad is given afterwards.

2. Never use the word drug as in "I drug myself to the computer." To be a Sleeping Teacher you must not use the word drug unless you are slyly insinuating that you knew Don Juan personally, not to mention Jon Lovitz.

3. Refer to the Sleeping Teacher list least every time you turn over or turn your mattress.  Say to yourself and to anyone who will listen..." The Sleeping Teacher List is a doozie" (as in snoozie).  I often get my most unenlightened thoughts right in the middle of my spiritual siesta.

4. Never kick an awakened teacher.  Those of you who are awakened teachers know who you are. Cover your famous fannies.

5. As as a Sleeping Teacher (not to be confused with a Schlepping Teacher, that's a whole 'nother schtick entirely, having to do with toting your own karma) communicate no deep thoughts to recalcitrant students. Rem (Rapid "I")  movement is to be taken as the teaching.

6. Wipe your mouth. You "Dozin' Zengis" are moistly slobbering in your sleep.

7. This is not a rule but an encouraging memo to Sleeping Teachers: At last count, awakened teachers had reached the quadrillions. Some are no longer in the Milky Way but in a galaxy far, far away.  Thank God.

8. The Sleeping Teachers List is motivated by honesty. A good Sleeping Teacher never lies...unless he is sleeping, which doesn't count, does it...

9. Time to get up--time to make the donuts. Jerry Katz is waiting. We doze but we never close.

10. If you would like to become a Sleeping Teacher, the rules of admission are strict.  But I forget what they are.

A few of you reading this may be of the so-called Awakened Teacher persuasion and think that being a Sleeping Teacher just might be easier...and you get to wear jammies instead of those miserable loincloths.  I know what you're thinking.....can I aspire to become a Sleeping Teacher? your dreams!

The Sleeping Teacher Fan Club

I met the Sleeping Teacher today at  Macy's and I am in luvvvv. After taking many incarnations (and often subways) to achieve enlightenment, I now find a man who is giving it  away for free...for  And his kindness is such that if you don't like it, he will also take it away.  I tell you, I was taken aback.

There is nothing that this Swami of the Jammies will not do.  He allows anyone to attend satsang.  And I mean anyone...even if they are wearing robes and calling themselves silly names.  You can bring your blanket and suck your thumb.  You can suck his thumb...he doesn't care.

He reminds me a little of Ram Dass' guru, Maharaji.  There's alot more going on under those jammies than you would ever know.  Radio City Music Hall should book him for their Christmas show.

I had one question that I wanted the Sleeping Teach to answer.  Would I be getting enlightened this lifetime?

Of course I would, I was told.  As soon as he took his group to lunch.  I'm sorry...what he really said was,  "You groupies are out to lunch!"

Sign me:  Just another devoted fan

Vicki Woodyard hangs out at nondualnow and other places. Her site is at

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