Drunk Guy Confusing Online and Real Poker
TUNICA, MS - Floor managers, dealers and players present in the Grand's poker room confirm that an intoxicated hold them player experienced great difficulty separating the similar yet distinct realities of online and physical poker. -> READ ARTICLE

ABC Adds "Poker" to the Title of Entire Fall Lineup
BURBANK, CA - In a move apparently designed to cash in on the growing popularity of televised poker, struggling ABC Networks announced today that, effective immediately, the word 'poker' would be added to each and every show in ABC's current fall lineup -> READ ARTICLE

Phil Hellmuth Introduces New "Flop Free" Online Card Room.
THE INTERNET - Since the inception of online poker some six years ago, developers have produced a variety of offerings based on what they felt the players wanted - different graphics, chat features, and so on. In his latest foray into the online poker waters, poker icon Phil Hellmuth decided to recreate the game itself with Flop Free Poker -> READ ARTICLE

Online Player Declares That Aces are Terrible
THE INTERNET - Casual poker players and serious theorists alike were shocked by the pronouncement of online player MRTILTY yesterday that pocket aces, long held to be the best start hand in Texas Hold Them, are in fact a terrible hand. -> READ ARTICLE

4-8 Players Apparently Entertained By Rounders Quotes, Dealer Unamused
TUNICA, MS - An overwhelming majority of players seated at table 5 [4-8 limit hold them] in Tunica's Gold Strike poker room were apparently entertained by an unidentified player who spoke only in quotes from the movie Rounders, casino sources ... -> READ ARTICLE

Bush Team Announces Massive Freeroll for Registered Voters
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move largely praised by political analysts, President Bush's election team announced today that all of America's registered voters qualified for entry into the $5,000,000 guaranteed "Four More Years" free-roll poker tournament... ->READ ARTICLE

Aspiring Online Pro's Career Delayed by Inability to Come up With Unique Screen Name
SPRINGFIELD, IL - Aspiring online poker pro Jason McDonald had a simple plan - quit his day job, read every poker book he could get his hands on, and make a living playing online poker. Things turned out to be a little more complicated than he imagined. ->READ ARTICLE

Study Finds Online Card Rooms Now Outnumber Players
VANCOUVER, CANADA - A recent study conducted by GameTrendsNow! Inc, a Canadian-based company that analyzes trends in online gaming, concluded what many have suspected for some time: the Internet is now home to more individual card rooms than actual players. ->READ ARTICLE

Party Poker Purchases, Erases, Reroutes Entire Internet
WASHINGTON, DC - US Government sources confirmed this morning that they had located the cause for the overnight disappearance of the some 4 billion web pages that formerly made up the public internet. Apparently, the online card room Party Poker has purchased and subsequently erased and rerouted the entire Internet. -> READ ARTICLE

T.J. Cloutier Rips Off Head Of Amateur Who Credits T.J.'s Book For Horrible Play
LAS VEGAS, NV -Author and poker legend T.J. Cloutier is currently being held in police custody following a spectacular incident in which T.J. literally ripped the head off of an amateur player. -> READ ARTICLE

Phil Hellmuth Invents Bad-Beat Reversing Time Machine
LAS VEGAS, NV - World Champion poker player Phil Hellmuth is notorious for outbursts against players who draw out with inferior hands. But if Phil's latest product pans out, those outbursts may be a thing of the past - literally. -> READ ARTICLE

Non-Commercial, Sarcasm-Free, Helpful Response Post Found on RGP
THE INTERNET - Online poker pundits are all abuzz about an event that has rocked the status quo of poker discussion on the internet: a non-commercial, sarcasm-free, helpful response to a question posted on the rec.gambling.poker [RGP] newsgroup. -> READ ARTICLE

All Poker Pros Abandon Hold Them For Triple Draw Lowball
LAS VEGAS, NV - Fed up by the recent successes of amateurs in the WSOP main event, a consortium of professional poker players held a news conference today to announce that, effective immediately, they will no longer play hold them. Instead, all professional poker players, including such recognizable names as Johnny Chan, Phil Hellmuth and Tom McEvoy, will switch to playing triple draw lowball exclusively. -> READ ARTICLE

Party Poker Offers US Government Massive Signup Bonus
WASHINGTON DC - Government sources here confirmed today that Party Poker has in fact extended a massive signup bonus offer to the US Federal Government. According to representatives from Party, the UFSG is eligible for a 20% bonus up to $500 million on its initial deposit. "With so much talk of regulation, we thought it would be a good idea for the government to get to know us better", said Party Poker Host Mike Sexton. -> READ ARTICLE

Aces Hold Up In 3-6 Game
EVANSVILLE, IN - A sleepy Indiana town has become an epicenter for poker enthusiasts after word leaked out early yesterday that pocket aces held up in a 3-6 limit game run by Evansville's Aztar Casino. -> READ ARTICLE

If you have any comments or suggestions, please feel free to contact me at richardt@ualberta.ca