Providing Information About Rabbits

Rabbit Humour:

People who know me, have over the years sent me hundreds of emails containing rabbit humour. I have reprinted some of them here for you to enjoy. Many of them have been around for years and have varied slightly from site to site. I don't know the origin of them and claim no rights to them.

If you think these are bad....you should check out "Really Bad Rabbit Jokes".

After you have read this page you should check out the Fable of The Rabbit, The Elephant & The Whale.

If you would like more rabbit humour check out the off-site links on my Links page where you can find not only rabbit fun but rabbit games and commercial.

One Liners

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

Walk softly and carry a big carrot.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
 

Crazy Rabbit Laws

Alabama, Tuscumbia: Its against the law to have more than eight rabbits per city block.

Arizona, Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.

California: Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

California, San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Kansas: Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.

Oregon: It is against the law for animals to have sex in the city limits.

Laboratory Rabbit

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought.

It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight-lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"

"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.

"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."

This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"

"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well."

The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

"Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked.

One of the other rabbits said. "There's one other thing we do. We play most of the time, you know hopping and running and those sorts of stuff. Let's go and play."

Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning playing his little heart out until, completely worn out, he staggered back over to the guys.

"That was fantastic," he panted.

"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.

"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I MUST get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."

Rabbit Thesis

One sunny day, a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch!" said the fox. "Wait!" replied the rabbit," You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everyone knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and eat me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" said the fox, but since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went into the hole with the rabbit.

The fox never came out.

A few days later, the rabbit was again taking a break from writing when a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit," You can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?" said the wolf.

"I am almost finished with my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard he almost let go of the rabbit. "Maybe I shouldn't eat you--you really are sick in the head! You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself, you can eat me afterwards if you disagree with my conclusions."

So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole...and never came out.

The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch.

Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations! What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"No way! That can't be right."

"Oh, but it is. Come and read it for yourself."

So the two rabbits went down into the rabbit hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate abode. A computer with the controversial work was in one corner surrounded by discarded papers. And on one side of the room there was a pile of fox bones, while on the other side there was a pile of wolf bones. And in the center, there was a large, well-fed lion.

The moral of the story:

The title of your thesis doesn't matter. The subject doesn't matter. The research doesn't matter. All that matters is who your advisor is.

Easter Rabbit

A man was driving along the highway, and saw the Easter rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the Easter rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place, candy too.  The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit carrying the basket.  Much to his dismay, the colorful rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible!" he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter rabbit and killed it.  Kids will be so disappointed. What should I do?" The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the dead, limp rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the furry animal. Miraculously the Easter rabbit came to life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 yards away the Easter rabbit stopped turned around, waved and hopped down the road. Another 50 yards down, he turned, waved and hopped another 50 yards.  And waved again!!!! The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!! He ran over to the woman and asked, "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on the Easter rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.  It said:  "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

The Meaning of Easter

A priest has been reassigned to a new church and wants to see how seriously the attendees take Easter. He approaches a one person and asks the meaning of Easter. She replies that Easter is when a giant bunny brings candy for children. Ok, how about another, so the priest asks someone else. He says Easter is when all the children color eggs, and the adults hide the Easter eggs and let the children participate in an egg hunt. Ok, how about another, so the priest finds a conservative looking person praying quietly, and he hopes she appreciates the meaning of Easter. She describes how Jesus carried the cross and then was crucified, and then his body was put in a cave with a rock at the entrance. Good so far thought the priest but then, Easter Sunday, the boulder magically rolled away from the cave, Jesus was resurrected ... and stepped out of the cave and saw his shadow, and he knew there would be 6 more weeks of winter.

For more cartoons by Chris Dekker & The Bunnies click HERE.

Snake & Rabbit

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
 

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
 

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
 

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You`ve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
 

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake`s body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you`re scaly, you`re slimy, you`ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you`ve got a forked tongue. I think you`re a lawyer!"

Fable of the Crow & the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

The Moral of the Story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Newfie Rabbit Transport

A Newfie was driving a transport truck across Canada with a load of live rabbits going to BC. The rabbits were all loose in the trailer and not in cages. While driving near Sudbury, he slid on a patch of ice on the road and accidentally slid off the road into the ditch. When he hit the ditch, the back doors flew open on the trailer and rabbits began scurrying everywhere. A Policeman happened to be passing the scene and saw the truck in the ditch. He stopped to investigate the accident. When he walked around the back of the trailer, here was the Newfie, flat on his back in the snow bank, laughing to kill himself. Policeman: "Sir, what's so funny? Your rabbits are all loose and they're running everywhere. Newfie: "Yeah, I know! But they don't know where they're going. I got the address here in my pocket."

The Other Side

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfast of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.
"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I`ve got something to show you!"
"Not now! I`m eating."
"Oh come on!" said the rabbit. "It`s really important."
"No way."
"Please. It`s urgent."
So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.
"Well, rabbit," he panted. "What did you want to tell me?"
"Hey, Teddy," the rabbit began, "look how many berries are on the other side of the river."

The Competition

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
 

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
 

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
 

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I`m a rabbit! I`m a rabbit!"

Smart Pills

A man walks into a bar and offers the bartender some "Smart Pills."

The bartender eats one and says, "I don't feel any smarter."

He tries another, then another, and finally eats a handful.

"Hey these taste like rabbit poo!" the bartender exclaims.

"See, you're getting smarter already."

© 1996-2008 Raising House Rabbits