Lyric: Ass Full of Glass
©2004 Wayne Krewski (SOCAN)  All rights reserved.

"Ass Full Of Glass" can be found in the film   "Through Your Eyes"    Alfie told the story to me in his basement one day. It cracked me up for a week until finally I had to write a song about it. The second part of the story about the ladder he only ever told twice - the first time to me in his basement and the second time when Alfie, Seth Martin and I were in the studio one day playing some tunes. He would never tell that story at any of our concerts. What you hear on the DVD was recorded with Seth that day in the studio and includes the song and the story

Fanny whispered quietly in Alfie's ear
I really really really need a clothesline dear
Alfie figured big was his wife's desire
And a telephone pole would light up her fire

He planted that pole straight by the thumb
He crooked a hook and took a look and said: "That's plumb!"
Of Sourdough Alley it became the nub
Lines from the neighbours all joined the hub

One day the line got jammed up good
So Alfie got his spurs and he climbed that wood
Thirty feet he climbed up from the ground
Then he froze up and he couldn't come down

An hour came and went 'til Fanny came around
Alf said: "Get the firemen here to get me to the ground!"
But Fanny just laughed and never had a clue
She left him high and dry and wondering what to do

Another hour passed then Fanny came again
Alfie said: "I'm spittin' mad - I need the firemen!"
She left him again to ponder how the day would fare
He'd have to help himself or spend his life up there

He grabbed on tight and rode the pole on down
That mighty beak his only brake, his chin was turned to brown
Splinters sprouting from his face he hit the ground and lay
And thanked the lord that he would live to see another day

He hung up his spurs, kept his feet upon the ground
Then one day his mother's chimney got soot bound
He went and got a fire ladder in his panel truck
He ran it through the back but too far out it stuck

He ran it in the drivers side and stuck his head up through
And hooked his chin upon a rung and kept it straight and true
He thought he had it figured 'til his mother's came in sight
But then he had to back the truck to make the corner tight

The ladder hit the bank and drove it forward through the glass
And Alfie found himself on his ass in the grass
He sat there and pondered how his plight had come to pass
The ladder round his neck and his ass full of glass