Friday June 17, 2005 : 5:01pm
shit, it sure has been awhile since I was around here! Two months in fact....that's rather crazy. I've noticed that a popup has snuck its way into my site with the tagboard so I'm gonna have to turf it, doesn't matter anyways....I've been sloooowly moving this site over to www.totalitarianpoet.com but I'm lazy so it'll be awhile longer I suspect before it's through.
Have you checked out the pics from Shout it Louder? God Damn! did I have fun...I could barely walk on the ferry because of the damage done to my knees from dancing for 10 or so hours straight. holy smokes. Lately I've been meeting cool people on the weekends and hanging out with them and then meeting more people, it's sickening really, the social butterfly (well, for me at least) that I've turned into. and so as a result, my little projects such as dear old sulfur suffer as a consequence.....
check out:
www.baitcar.com
I swiped this link from
Elle
Saturday April 16, 2005 : 10:19am
music: new NINE INCH NAILS!
I finally managed to track down a copy of the new NIN album online, now if only I could get a copy of VNV Nation's new cd, I've got one on order but nothing in my possession. Speaking of VNV, did I happen to mention that I got tix to their show for my birthday?! yup, I'm pretty excited. I also picked up tix for Shout, which has the potential to be rockin'. So now, just to figure out what I will do today / tonight. there's this once-a-month goth night I've been meaning to check out but I don't know if I'm really up for going somewhere new.
Monday April 11, 2005 : 7:06pm
music: muse
just wanted to drop in here and say yo, don't have the time or energy for an real update. hope all is cool in your world
Sunday March 27, 2005 : 2:45pm
Don't fall in love
with me yet
We only recently met
True I'm in love with you but
you might decide I'm a nut
Give me a week or two to
go absolutely cuckoo
then, when you see your error,
then, you can flee in terror
like everybody else does
I only tell you this cause
I'm easy to get rid of
but not if you fall in love
Know now that I'm on the make
and if you make a mistake
my heart will certainly break
I'll have to jump in a lake
and all my friends will blame you
There's no telling what they'll do
It's only fair to tell you
I'm absolutely cuckoo
:magnetic fields
Friday March 18, 2005 : 10:30am
It’s 10:30 am and
I’m at work, wondering just what the fuck am I doing here, sitting in
a make-shift office with fuck-all to do. These breaths are
poisonous….I am all too painfully aware of this. I amuse myself with
daydreams that have become more and more outlandish; it seems I am
becoming immune to the pleasures of half-hearted, familiar fantasies.
Everything recedes. Everything, itself, loses meaning. All grand
principles, ideas, definitions, declarations take on a rather comical
existence inside me. Everything of meaning becomes childish, and even
those originally trivial things remain so. Nothing is kept in balance.
The world, or more accurately my world, sways without compensation.
Without sensation.
Wednesday March 16, 2005 : 8:28pm
I've uploaded some recent pics
Saturday March 12, 2005 : 11:56am
music: new vnv nation!
reading thru old entries on here and found this poem
when I walk
in serpentine slender
casting round spells
and pluck at the air
I know I can change a world
the honey-tongued women
who drip at the slightest notion of fear
fold like a torched library
this lick
of sickly misses
holds me in an awkward way
how I would love to approach them
like a dragon
:cold blooded, yet breathing fire
Tuesday March 1, 2005 : 5:37pm
music: Tegan and Sara
not much new to add here because over the next few weeks or so I will be moving this site over to www.totalitarianpoet.com, as well, keep an eye on www.fifthcolumn.ca for I plan on making some cool shit over there. if you've got a chance, check out Tegan and Sara, their new album is pretty rad
Sunday February 20, 2005 : 7:28pm
third weekend at Lotus, I lost myself on the dance floor, thought I might have heart attack or collapse from dehydration because I was too consumed by the music to even entertain the idea of leaving the dance floor for water. went to an after-hours, which cost a fucking fortune to get in to....me being a single guy and all. in the end I danced for about 7 and 1/2 hours, went home at 9:00am. now I am in pain, pain, pain.
Sunday February 13, 2005 : 2:17pm
shit, I've been having a blast lately. I've spent the last two weekends dancing my ass off at Lotus. I am in the thick of it, touching this world, slightly off-centered and cradled. angels come in a stupor, fall with each trigger, genuine in their kiss and subsequent reprisal
Wednesday February 2, 2005 : 6:15pm
music: OMD
here's an awesome story I found while reading the news at work today. speaking of work, I've decided that work is, when I consider my day, really a destination. the new site is being organized so anyone out there who wants to lend a hand, send me an email, we're gonna need writers that's for sure, so send some rants or essays or whatever you feel like. here's some links anyhow...
weatherman letting off a little steam
Saturday January 15, 2005 : 8:41pm
music: radiohead
I've been working on setting up a new site with its own domain and *gulp* getting rid of poor old sulfur. As well, I'm gonna be starting a new project in the next couple of months, it will be nice to have something to exhaust my creative energies on.
but you don't wanna hear about that so go on, get outta here....
Thursday January 13, 2005 : 9:48pm
I try to avoid the news, specifically when it's bad, so when I see a story of a tragedy of some sort I turn the channel right away. Then the other day my sister called and told me a friend from my childhood and early teens died. I haven't seen him for over ten years but when I was young we used to get into all sorts of trouble together. The neighborhood just wouldn't have been the same without Ben, he was like an unknown in the equation, adding an element of chaos (or potential for chaos) to everyday events like playing street hockey or hanging out at the park. It really saddens me to hear that he's gone.
Wednesday January 12, 2005 : 6:38pm
music: Skinny Puppy
Last summer I went for a walk through my old neighbourhood in North Vancouver where I spent the majority of my youth. My sis came along and it was pretty cool cuz we hadn't been in that part of town together for about a decade or so. going back to places you haven't been for awhile is great and all, but being there with the people that you actually hung out with then gets a little trippy. but anyways....we was walking thru the trails in Blueridge, passing the Fruit Rollup Tree and reminiscing when we discovered that the Bigtoy (playground) had been removed, red tube slide and all!! Motherfucker! As we made our way thru the different parks and school grounds it seemed that everywhere that I had graffiti'd or left my mark or there was physical evidence of a happening of some sort had been painted over, repaired or removed entirely. this deeply troubled me and still does. the evidence of my life is vanishing as fast as I live it. one day it will catch up to me and with a shove say, go on and die already
:)
Wednesday January 5, 2005 : 7:29pm
music: Goldfrapp
I hope everyone had a cool holiday and got lots of *presents* My little life has been quite good lately....Christmas kinda sucked cuz I had the flu but then I blew a bunch of dough on boxing day and improved my wardrobe and cd and dvd collections :)
I actually celebrated New Year's whole heartedly this year after boycotting it for the last 4 years. I danced like a mother fucker for 7 hours or so up in Courtenay (of all places) I met a bunch of cool people and got a lead on where to find those elusive BeeDees that I have been searching the face of the earth for.
Monday I returned to Head Office after a short stint back in the stores so it's been a little rough getting up at the crack of dawn lately.
Saturday December 19, 2004 : 12:44am
music: The Killers
here's some links, I've been forgettin' about this place lately....
Saturday November 20, 2004 : 9:21am
Here's a link for all my friends who think I'm somekind of computer expert because I have a shitty little website. Next time you think of calling me for help consult this manual first :p
here's the fastest model boat in the world for the rest of ya
Tuesday November 16, 2004 : 7:36pm
every so often something hits me and it becomes incredibly important for me to consult my journals, my notebooks and other reference materials I have created in order find out the precise date on which something occurred in my life. I think you'd be quite impressed if you were ever to see the detail to which I have documented the happenings of my life. But, anyways...today, at work I noticed the date *lightbulbgoesoff* and I wondered....was it 13 years ago today that I first kissed you. yup, it was.
Monday November 8, 2004 : 6:15pm
music: death cab for cutie
I spent all weekend burning cd's and scribbling bits of poetry. this morning I woke up at 5:30am to go to work. that's no good.
I've been trying to convince myself to take on editing this mound of writing I have, unfinished short stories and poems. It's becoming harder and harder to devote any time to writing and I'm wondering when I'll *snap*. then again, at the same time, I don't think I really have anything to offer in the way of words lately. just brief seconds.
go on...
Sunday October 31, 2004 : 8:27am
music: Jakalope
you guys should check out the Jakalope webite, it's beautiful and their music is pretty catchy, like a radio friendly industrial pop.
so today is Halloween and the closest I'll get to celebrating it will be giving candy to a bunch of ungrateful little brats. you see, I can't stay up and will not be going out tonight. By can't stay up I mean not only I shouldn't (because of work in the morning) but even if I said fuck it, I couldn't physically do it. I mean it's like 8:30am... the only time I update this early is when I haven't been to bed yet. I woke up at 6:45am this morning without an alarm, 6:45am!! these day time work hours are cool, sure but something's gotta give.
anyhow go on, get...
Thursday October 14, 2004 : 6:10pm
I shall never take thee for granted, oh darling High Speed Internet Connection.
now that I've got a decent connection again, let's see what kind of links I can dig up.....
KABOOM from eatpes - so much cool stuff there
Monday October 11, 2004 : 2:03pm
music: The Postal Service
I got that job change I had been seeking and my one month temp status has been extended til the end of the year. now I spend my days in a test lab, testing changes made to the software that LDB uses, which is pretty cool, the change alone has seemed to inspire me in a way. as well, I've been getting up early on a regular basis for the first time since high school and I think my body is really enjoying the change. It's so foreign to me to live on this type of schedule and it trips me out and gives me a little *buzz*
the other day I bought an INXS 2-disc DVD, which will replace this old VHS tape of their videos that I made when I was 14-16. INXS, when I consider my memories, is one my favorite bands and when I listen to their music something youthful surfaces in me. I rest a confidence on their sounds that's a self-induced fame...
this is my movie, I can tell because the soundtrack's playing
Monday September 20, 2004 : 3:03pm
I'm home from work cuz I'm sick, which usually isn't such a bad thing....you know sitting at home wearing mismatching clothes watching tv, playing videogames and getting drunk on cough syrup whilst still getting paid is pretty decent.
anyways, go on...
Thursday September 9, 2004 : 2:51pm
music: Wumpscut
I don't have much to report other than that change of job that I mentioned a month or two ago might actually be happening in October *crosses fingers*
lastnight I wasted a lot of time here, then stumbled on to this, then this
Tuesday August 31, 2004 : 10:05pm
"the world is not thy friend"
-Romeo Montague
Friday August 27, 2004 : 4:12pm
music: Stellastarr*
just some links today...
throw the jew down the well, yeehaa
Friday August 20, 2004 : 8:07pm
I've been going crazy playing doom3 lately, I walk around now waiting for creatures to fly out of cupboards and shit.
yup, and shit.
I added some lousy poems to the poems page so check 'em out if you want, I felt like I should put something new on here
here's a stinking link for you....
(check the video documentation)
Sunday July 25, 2004 : 6:58pm
music: Audioslave
I've let the traffic for my poor lil' site dwindle away and now no one comes around much anymore. I'm finding it near impossible to maintain both a real life and an internet life, or cyberwhateverthefuckyouwannacallit. I've been seeing this really cool chick for a little over a month now and that's the main reason I haven't been around here. also the weather has been fucking awesome and if I'm not working, the last thing I want to do is sit inside, yet..... today is a day off and it's sunny and here I am working on an update for old sulfur. I've been trying to get the beta of doom3 to work as well, but *grrr* it's very frustrating, apparently there's some issue with my video card
go on, get outta here...
THE PHONE - this is magnificent
gum blondes: chewed gum portraits
Sunday July 11, 2004 : 8:57pm
I've been pretty busy lately, bought a new car a while back and have spending a lot of time cruisin' around to areas of this city that I haven't been to for some time. I'm still working my good-for-nothing union job, but there could be a possible change at the end of summer, anyhow....
go on, get...
Book of Pain: eye exam and heat therapy
Monday June 21, 2004 : 8:31pm
just some links for now....
Friday May 28, 2004 : 9:30am
music: thejesusandmarychain
here's some pics from the hike I went on a few weeks ago, I'm hoping to go for another soon, since I'll be finished my month of graveyards tonight
here's some links for ya....
eyebrow thief - I love silly shit like this
Monday May 24, 2004 : 5:17pm
Humanity i love you
because you would rather black the boots of
success than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both
parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard
Humanity i love you because
when you're hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you're flush pride keeps
you from the pawn shops and
because you are continually committing
nuisances but more
especially in your own house
Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it's there and sitting down
on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity
i hate you
: e.e.cummings
Thursday May 20, 2004 : 8:49am
music: Depeche Mode
Et cetera
You hold your head out, your neck stretches. You hold your neck out
with an effort that is so obvious that it can be seen from afar. You
lay down with your head out and your neck stretches to the point that
the veins begin to bulge, drawing sophisticated lines to your swollen
red face. And as you lay there, short on breath, you wait. You wait
for the executioner to step up with a wooden - handled axe in his
massive hands. His leather - bound feet position themselves for the
best possible stance as they thud and swish with unequalled vanity.
You wait for the cheers from the audience, the faces of strangers who
familiarize themselves with you through their hatred. You wait for the
stomping on your plywood coffin like a primal victory dance. You wait
for the rejection from heaven, the list of all your failings and
truths read aloud. And as you dream of it all, laying down, light
headed from lack of breath, you can't wait to just get it over with.
written March 8, 1999
Tuesday May 18, 2004 : 8:21am
music: Cocteau Twins
i just got over a bad case of the hiccups, I don't get them very often but when I do, fuck, I'll have them for hours. I got drunk on the weekend, which is rare for me, danced a little too, and I even made time to straighten out the portal a bit!
some days lately I feel like I'm losing all touch with reality. remember that part in young guns when they do peyote and steve is all like "we're in the spirit world" kinda thing, ya well, that's me lately.
decade old LSD being exorcised from my body. wings fluttering around my head, ya I see you
go...
a metaphor for my life thus far
Friday May 14, 2004 : 7:51am
remember a while ago when I linked those cool mario bros movies? well the guy finally added some more to it, be warned though, there's not as much action in these latest parts
here's part2 to refresh your memory
Thursday May 13, 2004 : 7:41pm
music: DJ Zoney
nothing new to report, just a few links I've swiped from some other sites....
Monday May 3, 2004 : 7:54pm
music: Bob Dylan
well, I was able to escape the graveyard shift for four months but my services have been requested once again, because I suspect the guy who runs the shift is going to disciplined sometime this month for some shit that happened a while back. the shut down of the city by government workers did not occur today unfortunately, but I'm still hoping that when I arrive at work tonight there will be guys picketing from BDL (Brewers Distributing Limited) preventing me from having to actually go to work. that would be nice.
last week I went for a wicked little walk/hike with these three sisters I've been hanging with lately, maybe if I get some energy I'll upload a few pics.
anyhow, go on....get...
Sunday April 25, 2004 : 1:19pm
music: Assemblage 23
I thought I should update since it's been so long, just a couple of links for ya....
Friday April 16, 2004 : 12:45am
music: Ott
skateboarding dog - this isn't one of those deals where they throw an animal on a skateboard and let him ride down a hill, this dog can skate!
Thursday April 15, 2004 : 5:37pm
music: INXS
just a bunch of shitty links today, go look...
I know, I know, but come on it is funny
Thursday April 8, 2004 : 12:59am
gutted in a
colourful way
insides out, strewn across the kitchen floor
and the blood is creeping out
of my darling little self
mascara hieroglyph on my neck where you buried your face
and the ceiling fan is replaced by the fluttering wings of angels
Tuesday April 6, 2004 : 3:03am
music: Yardbirds
It was my birthday a few days back and for those of you who didn't contact me to say happy birthday and tell me what a wonderful person I am.....you can go fuck yourself, now I know who my real friends are! I'm just kiddin' of course, see what a forgiving person I can be, wow, I am great *falls in love with self* (yet again) ya so fuck, somehow I'm thirty now. yikes!
desperate change of subject
with friends like these, who needs friends
hows about signing the guestbook or joining the portal or something since you're here
Thursday March 25, 2004 : 11:10pm
music: Prince
oh man, I'm lazy...I haven't updated, I know. I wish I could tell you that I've done so much exciting stuff since we last met, but, well I didn't do much except for work and hang out around town, drinking coffee and and discussing the uselessness of our lives with a friend. Oh, wait...I did decide to give soy milk a try, that's something, right?
go on, scram....
oh ya, and go visit the lovely Miss Elle, who has added sulfur to her links *thanks Elle*
Tuesday March 16, 2004 : 12:44am
music: In Strict Confidence
wondering why I'm updating all the time lately? well, it's cuz I was sick all last week and skipped work. today I went to Helen's Grill and ate cheap greasy food with a friend then bought a copy of Flaunt and some cd's. I nearly bought a copy of Found Magazine because typically I'm the type of person who will pick up something I find on the street and put it my pocket.
go on...
ELF - Earth Liberation Front, mentioned on this evening's news
Rita - several galleries of old school eye candy
Sunday March 14, 2004 : 6:37pm
music: MUSE
lastnight I uploaded a new version of this page, yet I'm still trying to remember all the stuff I planned on putting on there, as well as providing links for everything, so it's still not done.
and hey, sign my guestbook
Friday March 12, 2004 : 3:18pm
here's some links for the canuckleheads out there:
because sometimes it's good to kid yourself that you actually matter and can make a difference
earlier at 2:11am
music: Spoon
talented waste of
time
with carved up diction
loss of inhibitions when all is blue
no one ever knew
I hid inside myself
in my heart, clenched fist
where the blue bled
and the words I said
were like skyscrapers
*
go on, get outta here...
Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
Japanese Simpson Ads, huh?! Main Site
Thursday March 11, 2004 : 2:40am
tell me if this page looks decent, I'm never sure if I've got things right
should be 1024x768
thanks
earlier at 1:28am
music: Inspiral Carpets
I've been trying to change things a little bit, just cuz it's been the same around here for so long. I slept most of the day/afternoon/evening only to wake to bits and pieces of the news......being forced to listen to idiots discuss the bertuzzi incident, people who only have an interest in hockey when something like this happens. espn is a hoot, I'm flabbergasted by how they distorted shit. here's a link for those of you who still think bertuzzi is a human being.
go on...
Tuesday March 9, 2004 : 11:45pm
music: Muse
I was watchin' the brit music awards a while back because well, let's face, americans may create a sound but it is the british that perfect it, that make it a great thing...so any ways this band MUSE was performing at the awards and I thought, 'these guys sound too much like radiohead' and then 30secs into the performance I thought, 'this is my favorite band now'. I have since been busy downloading their songs and buying their cd's (when I can find them) and I have yet to be disappointed by anything I've heard, in fact the only bad thing you can really say about them is that they sound too much like radiohead, but really I'm beginning to think they are better than radiohead (did I just say that?!) at least in a conventional rock and roll sense. Muse is cool.
go on, get...
"small, medium, large" thanks to Elle
some craAazzy flash
Monday March 8, 2004 : 3:56pm
music: Assemblage 23
go on...
Sunday February 22, 2004 : 3:10am
after work I went downtown briefly,...to Wildfire only to find out that I missed last call and the kitchen was closed, ya that sucked.
for the past ten minutes or so I've been looking for a link or two to share with you guys, but I can't seem to find anything, leaving me with no choice but to unleash this horrible thing on you. it's been stuck in my head for a few days now. actually this is cool too and it's from the same site.
Wednesday February 18, 2004 : 2:49am
music: Orb
I went and had a doom burger at dv8 tonight and picked up my discman that I left at a friends place last week. I saw this on a bus stop today so I thought I'd link it.
I love silly
Saturday February 14, 2004 : 12:31pm
music: Concrete Blonde
Valentine's Day is one day when I'm actually glad that I don't have a girlfriend because historically it is a day spent in argument with her (when I have one). I'm looking forward to the sales on candy and chocolate over the next couple of days though.
go on...
I watched this one over and over...Madonna wannabe
Thursday February 12, 2004 : 10:06pm
music: Goldfrapp
It was pretty cool today at work cuz some of the guys that beg for money outside the liquor store got into a fight and I got to watch the whole thing and it was a decent little scrap, not the wrestlemania we had outside a year ago, but still...it helped to pass my day. cops took one dude away on a warrant for something else. you got to love east van.
American Splendor is a cool movie
...that's all from me today
Friday February 5, 2004 : 1:04am
music: Felix da Housecat
lastnight I watched Lost in Translation, what a great movie...sometimes I think it would be impossible to have that opinion if it didn't end the way it did. I think the ending, by itself was just so perfect. to me it was an excellent example of how a good scene can become great with the right music...and they just happened to use a jesus and mary chain song. the beginning of 'just like honey' has such a coolness to it. they should put that song in the museum of cool.
I bought a copy of voodoo child's new cd, which for those of you who don't know is an alias that moby works under. I used to be a big moby fan, back in the day (and by that I mean back in the day, not since 'play') but have since pretty much given up on the guy. I thought for sure he would come out with some crazy album after play, like when he followed 'I like to Score' with a heavy metal album, and when he didn't it seemed to me that he was trying to cash in on the success of play by releasing something so similar. but anyways I bought this new cd, and it's reminiscent of older moby which is cool but a lot of moby's old dance music doesn't really stand the test of time....I mean the stuff was cool in the early 90's but now there's nothing spectacular about it. and hey where's the essay's in the cd sleeve that we're used to?!
Sunday February 1, 2004 : 2:34am
music: Tricky
I have been considering politics for the first time in a very long time because you see this idea of moving somewhere away from the city is tied to my political ideas (and aspirations). I can't help but feel though that my beliefs have mutated since I last visited them and over the past year I have been leaning away from anarchy. The idea of this, of seeing it here in print, hurts me in a way for it is so tightly connected with my sense of self that I forged over fifteen years ago.
++++++++++++
a cool quote I was told today: "If you want to know what god thinks of people with money, just look at who he gave it to"
++++++++++
this is fucking cool:musicplasma
Sunday January 25, 2004 : 8:20pm
music: radiohead
so I finally broke down and bought a couple of things that I wanted/needed, the first being the cd I'm listening to right now: Hail to the Thief. I was very near to giving up on radiohead after blindly buying their last two albums and being very disappointed in them. I decided that this would be the last radiohead cd I buy without listening to it first, if it sucked...and I have to say (after a couple of songs in) so far, so good. The other thing I picked up today was a new phone, not a cel of course (of course meaning that I have a bit of an issue with cel phones) I got a cordless with digital answering machine which means my friends will now be able to leave messages again, something they haven't been able to do for a year or so now.
a friend of mine recently lent me this book about alternative ways to own your own home as well as unconventional methods of building and building materials, touching on straw bale houses - something that my dad had mentioned to me a few years back. so lately I've been letting this info stew around in my head...the idea of building my own home. I had a look at properties online on the gulf islands and up north a bit and was amazed by the prices, what could be purchased for under $10,000. I wonder though, how long could I last without the city?
go on.....
cool shit w/ an overhead projector and sand
Sunday January 18, 2004
piece meal insubordinate
grilled cheese habituate
delicate pasta, soft noodle head
Thursday January 15, 2004 : 1:24am
somehow I managed to catch the flu. yipee. I have succumbed to my addiction to SimCity after giving it up for nearly six years. I will never eat or sleep again.
Wednesday January 7, 2004 : 11:38pm
I shaved my head, got rid of the mohawk. since I have to deal with the public now that I'm no longer on graveyards, I found myself at a bit of a disadvantage when it came to daily confrontations with surly customers. it always felt easier to be an asshole when I had 'normal' hair, now I feel like I'm just fulfilling a stereotype for the bastards that I have to deal with. I have to say though, now that I have a shaved head, I feel like I should be giving out head-butts
I spent part of the day training the voice recognition thing, which was a blast of course! then the other half playing NES games.
oh hey, have you seen this, some of the pics are really cool, um, if you believe that it's not all just a bunch of crap and that they never really sent a rover to Mars and that it's all happening in a warehouse somewhere.
go check this out....pure genius
Monday January 5, 2004 : 6:08am
I have to say that I'm feeling pretty good about this year, no matter how many times I run into those little daily annoyances that seem to inevitably pop up, it doesn't really change my feeling for the year to come. optimism is not exactly how I remember it, my definition of it now feels more complex than when I was young.
Wednesday December 31, 2003 : 2:02am
I'm taking a little break right now, ate some cake, drank some wine and warming up my toes and then I'll be headed back outside to work on my igloo. That's right it snowed! and there's no way I'm going to miss out on this opportunity. I recently decided that the elusive 5-man igloo will have to wait and that it's only possible for me to finish a 2-3 man size igloo on my own. anyways that's enuf talk...I'll fill you in later, hopefully with a pic of it completed.
later on....
igloo is around 50% done
after yet another break....
large section of roof caved in, morale at all time low, toes cold
daylight...
I've pretty much finished, maybe a few things I could fix, like the entrance but I'm beat
Tuesday December 30, 2003 : 7:36am
Hey, I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas and got lots of good stuff from Santa. This was the first year in a long time that I wasn't completely stressed out by all the things I had to do, mostly because I didn't get the same amount of OT this year. It sucks because last year I made over another paycheck in OT....so I have to work more now to make up for it so that I can buy that new car I'm thinking of buying.
anyhow, just a quick hello...I know, I've been neglecting this place and that I always say that I'm going to pay more attention to it but I did add a new cam to the portal so maybe you can go check out monica's site. bye :9
Saturday December 20, 2003 : 7:25am
so as you can see I decided to cut my hair....it's been around ten years since I've had a mohawk and I had been wanting to have one again but just kept putting it off. everyone is suggesting that I dye it but I'm too chicken, my hair on the top is already thinning from all the years of bleaching and dyeing. besides Christmas dinner is going to be hell enough with a natural coloured mohawk. I can hear my mom already whining about how she thought I had grown out of this kind of stuff.
I have to say that I love it, just for a change. I love catching site of myself and for a second I look unfamiliar. Little things like this are often the spark necessary to get me thinking about myself in different ways.
Friday December 12, 2003 : 5:36pm
music: Mazzy Star
recently I've been considering the idea of trying to get some more stuff published, specifically the poems that I wrote back in 2001 and some really short bits that I was working on just before I moved out of Gastown. It seems the minute I actually got published I lost all interest in writing and haven't really tried much to get published again. There's always this thought in my mind that if anything is ever going to become of or happen with my writing, it's going to be through self-publishing. Maybe that's just how I want it to happen....so I can control every aspect, who knows. It's just an idea I've always had.....or an approach I've always had.
Thursday December 11, 2003 : 11:29am
"The word that
would best describe this feeling
Would be haunted
I touch the clothes you left behind
That still retain your shape
and I'm
still haunted
I trace the outline of your eyes
Blue in the mirror, hypnotized
and haunted
I find a solitary hair
Golden still, I reminisce
I'm haunted"
:Love and Rockets
Wednesday December 10, 2003 : 1:09am
music: Death in Vegas - Scorpio Rising
I took the new skytrain line first thing this morning after work and got my brother in law to pick me up so I could go hang out with my nephews. It was pretty rad. Then went to my mom's where my niece was chillin', had a nap, ate, came home, watched 15 mins. of Gigli (that my roommate rented out of curiosity), went downstairs, fucked around on the computer.
One thing that's funny about when I work the graveyards is the different habits that I pick up....I get so used to just singing out loud or dancing whenever I have my headphones on that I nearly started doing it this morning while I was waiting at the station. but I guess, when I think about it, it's a good side effect. for the past five years or so I've been so introverted, so self-restrained, self-conscious, anxious, almost sociophobic. This year has been a pretty lame year but something changed for me, something in my thought process, the way I approach the world and life and so in that regard I can feel in a way that I accomplished something. my optimism, my appreciation of life doesn't feel as forced as it did for a while there.
Saturday December 6, 2003 : 6:25am
so it's back to work for me tonight, regardless of how I'm feeling which will probably be good for me in the long run....to sweat some of this cold out. Jeeks and I went for a drive out to around Harrison Hot Springs, stopped at Tim Horton's on the way back. There was a straAange orange glow in the sky somewhere near Abbotsford that looked like a forest fire was raging nearby but there was no smoke or anything, giving me the opportunity to pretend that it was really a spaceship or something.
hey...how's about signin' the guestbook
Thursday December 4, 2003 : 6:06pm
music: Cypress Hill
I'm sick....I worked through the first couple days of it and now I'm really paying for it. since I quit smoking usually a cold will only last a day or two then its gone and well things were kinda going that way until I decided that I should smoke some weed before watching a couple of movies. not a good idea . the worst of it is that my sis had her baby (boy 10lbs 2oz!!) and I can't go see her because I feel like shit and I don't want to pass it on.
the other night, when I felt like I was getting over this cold, I went out and bought myself a new tv because the picture on my old one was screwed and displayed everything in different shades of green, highlighted by a very bright red...as if you took the tint control and turned it all the way. so now I've got this new tv, and thought, 'hhmmm, I wonder if I can hook this up to my computer' and after a bit of fooling around with wires and settings and stuff I managed to do it. this means, with my wireless controller I can now wait this cold out while I play video games from the sanctuary of my bed.
I've got a couple of cams to add to the portal, maybe later tonight....herbal tea is brewin' right now
Tuesday November 25, 2003 : 8:18am
I'm trying to get a few things fixed up around here, I really like having that current visitor counter on my site so I've found a new one since the old one went down.
my sis is going to be having another kid anyday now, so I'm pretty excited about that. Since my wheels died I've haven't been able to get out and visit my nephew and niece for a while which sucks cuz I need to be around people who can really go nuts and no one is better at going loopy than toddlers.
Sunday November 23, 2003 : 6:10am
JACKIE (Sinéad O'Connor)
Jackie left on a cold, dark night
Telling me he'd be home
Sailed the seas for a hundred years
Leaving me all alone
And I've been
dead for twenty years
I've been washing the sand
With my ghostly tears
Searching the shores for my Jackie-oh
I remember the day the young man
came
He said, "your Jackie's gone
We got lost in the rain"
And I ran to the beach
And laid me down
"You're all wrong",
I said
And they stared at the sand
"That man knows that sea
Like
the back of his hand
He'll be back some time
laughing at you"
And
I've been waiting all this time
For my man to come
Take his hand in
mine
And lead me away To unseen shores
I've been washing the sand
With
my salty tears
Searching the shore
For these long years
And I'll walk
the seas forever more
Till I find my Jackie oh
Friday November 21, 2003 : 7:48am
music: Placebo
In some ways I'm kinda jealous that I never had Placebo when I was a teenager, they write some fucking cool tunes, oh well, I guess I can't complain....we had the Pixies, which is another six letter band name, starting with P
so I've added you people to my msn contacts and where are you to be found?...see that's the thing no one's ever up when I am and then I'm not very social when I wake up in the evening. It's funny cuz I have been feeling rather social lately which is quite a change for me, especially online. I used to get kinda wierded out when people I didn't know suddenly added me to their contacts, thinking that because I have a website that I am some internet social butterfly. anyhow... the guestbook hasn't been signed in awhile
Tuesday November 18, 2003 : 7:42 am
music: OMD (but in my head, not really)
I've been having ideas for stories....well not really stories, just scenarios, scenes that I could describe but I just can't bring myself to writing them. no matter how I approach writing lately it feels the same as when you search the cupboards for something appealing to eat over and over and sure the cupboards are full, but nothing looks good, that's the best way I can say it. I've been informed of software that will take dictation and a guy from work promised to bring in a copy so I'm really looking forward to trying it out
the other day my wheels went kaput, so I've been bumming rides, which really bothers me. I was just hoping for it to last until January then I'd buy a nice new car that I wouldn't have to worry about for a few years. do you realize how horrible it will be for me to do christmas shopping w/out a car, while I'm on graveyards!?
I'm still looking for people to join my cam portal, so email me you fools!
Monday November 17, 2003 : 7:52am
it's about time that I hit the sack, I've been up all night playing Super Mario Bros 3 thanks to this NES Emulator I recently downloaded....I forgot how much fun that game is. Except now I suck at it and before I could basically play it my sleep, but it was cool when things started to come back me, the tricks and stuff.
Jeeks, who is now officially my pseudo / pretend girl-friend, and I went to Park Royal today because I had a dream about the place the other morning and had to go there. For some reason I expected to run into people I went to school with, all pushing strollers....but no. When I was 11 or 12, I went there with some friends and we ran around like a bunch of crazies, then got stuck in an elevator because we were jumping up and down in it.
anyways, that's that, I'm crashin'
Saturday November 15, 2003 : 9:09pm
yo, I changed the mp3
Tuesday November 11, 2003 : 7:48am
music: Buzzcocks
for some reason I never expect leftovers to taste like leftovers and am so disappointed every time I have them...like now for example. yesterday was pretty cool cuz sulfur broke 200 visits in one day for the very first time...maybe I should change my cam pic more often, check this out, ha ha
anyone out there got some cool links, send 'em my way, the net is becoming rather stale to me lately
Monday November 10, 2003 : 4:57am
music: Erasure
so after having a portal for awhile and not really giving a shit about it, I suddenly feel the need to make it grow so all of you out there with cams, go ahead and join. and don't let the fact that you have to email me stop you. (I can't make a form that works to save my life)
on another note, I've started a new page, it's purpose is to find some good racist jokes against whitey so please let people know about it. there's a lot of people who visit this site from all over the world, there's got to be some good ones out there somewhere.
Tuesday November 4, 2003 : 7:17pm
music: Doves
sulfur sounds like suffer
yet its not quite dignified by pity
which only makes it worse
elementary posterity
I want you to believe me
scientific in sincerity
with all within
withhold without
withdraw
and clawing back
will, until
Sunday November 2, 2003 : 9:33pm
music: Nat King Cole
Halloween was pretty fun, I dressed up as what I always dress up as.....a military guy, which means I basically wore what I used to wear when I was a teenager and put on some dogtags. I went to a couple of house parties and ran into a girl I hadn't seen since I was about sixteen which was especially trippy.
I've spent most of the weekend trying to get out to the car dealership to peruse new vehicles but was unable to due to other things going wrong. maybe buying a new car right now isn't the greatest idea and all these things that have stopped me are a bit of a sign. oh well, I figure my luck is going change soon. I've been painting quite a bit too, which means my place looks like shit and there's crap *everywhere* but it's the one area (painting) where I feel like I'm making some progress.
loOook at paintings by Francis Bacon
Wednesday October 29, 2003 : 3:45pm
"just trying to, trying to, trying to forget that nothing ever lasts forever"
Tuesday October 28, 2003 : 2:34pm
music: http://radio.insomniaque.net:8000/
so I still don't know what I'm going to be doing on Halloween, chances are I'll just ended hanging around here with the gang and handing out candy, eating candy and doing some drugs.
recently this neighbourhood of mine has been going through some changes....I live on the east side, just off Fraser St. which is the only area in Vancouver where commercial space actually decreased in price. I've mentioned our hideous prostitutes, the crackheads across the street, and other characters living in the area. then a few months ago I started noticing hip twenty-somethings walking around, next thing I knew there was a Starbucks opening up on Fraser. they even have chairs and tables outside and I'm amazed that no one has stolen them yet. usually if it's not bolted down, it's gone. the other day I saw a girl sitting in Starbucks with a laptop working on something and it seemed so strange.
Sunday October 26, 2003 : 6:59pm
today I was walking down the sidewalk with two guys I know and a very old lady stopped in front of us like she was going to ask for directions or something. so we all stopped, lined up in front of her and she said as she threw out her hands, "which one do I get?" then laughed and walked through us. we kinda of just kept walking, then were all like, 'what the fuck was that!? did that actually just happen?!' weird shit. anyhow there's some great thick fog that just slithered its way into my neighbourhood and I'm itching to go to the graveyard a few minutes away and take some spoOoky pictures. but alas, the hockey game is on and well, the night is still young
Monday October 20, 2003 : 11:54pm
I got back this evening after being "stranded" in whistler for the past few days due to flooding of biblical proportions. I had a great time, actually got drunk which is a little out of character for me. *smoked* a lot and went a little bit crazy shopping but was able to pull back the reigns before things spiraled out of control.
now I'm tired.....got that spent, just-returned-from-vacation-feeling and I've got to go to work tomorrow
Saturday October 11, 2003 : 3:27am
I don't know what's going on but everything with sulfur seems fucked up in some subtle way, I was starting to think that some idiot hacked my site or something because the main page has seemed to have changed without my doing, but then I figure it could just be my browser and I've fucked up the settings or something, who knows, I've changed one the pages anyhow. I've been frustrated the past few days because I actually felt like updating and now, well, the things I wanted to go on about just feel so stale and uninteresting in my mind. anyways, take it easy guys, I'll update when I'm in a better mood.
October 5, 2003 : 3:46pm
music: Pulp
Yesterday I did a little shopping w/ Jeeks and I was lucky enuf to get a Diesel 'WORK HARD' daily calendar for free. I've been trying to find a way to inject my poems into some of my paintings but I haven't found a way that pleases me yet. I've attempted making stencils but that's a lot of work and sometimes doing it by hand just doesn't cut it. speaking of doing it by hand....
Thursday October 2, 2003 : 6:10pm
music: Orbital
so as it turns out my move may have to wait a couple of months which sucks because the building I wanted to move into has a vacancy all of a sudden, but i guess it's more responsible *gag* to wait til my bank account has recovered from my recent shopping spree(s). I've also been playing with the idea of going back on the graveyard shift despite the fact that every time I do my social life takes a turn for the worse or I miss out on fun shit. not to mention that I lose weight....which for me is a bad thing.
lastnight I started painting a little, but I'm trying to do faces instead of just colours or 2 dimensional shapes. they are rather cartoonish, I have to admit but I think it's a step in the right direction. of course it would be easier if I signed myself up for an art course or something...but I think that takes some of the fun out of it. I love discovering things out on my own, because then I feel like they belong to me more. I'm pretty much self taught in everything that I do, especially writing. I think a lot of people are surprised when they find out how little I've actually read, I never read for pleasure until I was about 20 and even then it was mostly non-fiction: history and politics.
Tuesday September 30, 2003 : 7:13pm
music: Del Shannon
my thoughts are jagged
and I'm walking like seven
and the ragged tiger
through slight alley ways,
talking like I'm severed
from all my yesterdays
but I can't hide from her
****
something to check out: mashin power
Sunday September 28, 2003 : 10:28pm
music: Fugees
shit was fucked....but by that I meant that computer shit was fucked and I couldn't update....not necessarily my life (although that's another story) soOo, I bought a new computer and have been busy playing with all this *power* I suddenly have, it also means learning to update with new, unfamiliar software...I still haven't gotten it, but I have found a round about way of doing things.
I bought a couple of cool mags today, one which had an interview w/ Frank Black (he'll always be Black Francis to me) and a writeup on a book about Mark e Smith and The Fall, and of course...pictures of beautiful eastern-european-looking women. lastnight I watched Chelsea Walls, directed by Ethan Hawke, I don't know if it was because I was stoned, but I thought it was very cool, the acting, writing, photography all kicked ass and when I get all those things, I don't really need much of a story.
Friday September 19, 2003 : 11:14pm
music: FISCHERSPOONER
the task at hand is to try and part with some of the junk I could not bare to throw out last time I moved....have I mentioned that I'm moving, cuz I am. It seems impossible for me to stay in one place for more than two years at a time and I've been here for nearly that long.
recently I have been in such a shitty mood that I haven't been coming around here much, I just want to smash things, especially peoples faces and so of course I restrain myself, come home and beat myself up mentally when I can't put any of it on to paper. the other night I actually had an idea for a novel, which is something of a surprise...but let's remember I said 'an idea', I didn't actually get up and start writing..............hmm, that was this morning now that I think about it, around 5:30 or so.
sOoo...I was going through some shit earlier and I came across some writing I had completely forgot about, which is cool, I love it when I can read stuff that I completely forgot about and it seems so new and foreign, yet there it is in my own handwriting.
make the world a better place by signing my g/b
Sunday September 14, 2003 : 9:29pm
music: NWA
ok, I have so many things I want to do with sulfur, mostly just expand it and link it more, more portals and shit but I still have The FIFTH COLUMN that has been left idle after a rather pathetic start. and then there's the real world that I have to try and figure out how to organize. first thing I think I'll do is gut my wardrobe and throw a tonne of shit out: here come some hand-me-downs sis...
as of yet, no one has signed the hidden guestbook, leading me to believe that the full extent of the hidden pages has yet to be explored...sorry Chammy, keep lookin
Wednesday September 10, 2003 : 9:43pm
music: Buddy Holly
in my mind, I still see a colourful blur of images and I'm not quite able to grab on to anything in particular and say that that is how I am feeling. because how is one supposed to feel/act when they are betrayed, it really is something that you never get used to. there's that complacency in humans to just say what the fuck, why rock the boat and ignore it. yet, who I am was not created in such ways.
Saturday September 6, 2003 : 12:22am
music: radiohead
I've got to go to bed early tonight so I can get up and go shopping for my nephew's birthday before I head to work tomorrow.....
there, that's a half-assed update.
Sunday August 31, 2003 : 11:33pm
I recently got this quote in an email and thought I would share it with you considering shit that's gone down the past few months...
"Naturally the common people don't want war, but after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag people along whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to do the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same every country."
Hermann Goering, Hitler's Reich-Marshall, Commander-in-Chief of the Luftwaffe, President of the Reichstag(April 18, 1946 at the Nuremberg Trials after WWII)
From:Gustave Gilbert, in his book Nuremberg Diary
Sunday August 31, 2003 : 1:42am
Its actually Saturday night, and I'm home because I fucked up my leg at work, well that's my excuse for tonight, not that I would be out if I was ok. I think I'll spend the night trying to figure out what should be the new mp3, it has not been changed for sometime.
Wednesday August 27, 2003 : 5:29pm
"So
this is permanence, love's shattered pride.
What once was innocence, turned on its side.
A cloud hangs over me, marks every move,
Deep in the memory, of what once was love. "
:Joy Division
Sunday August 24, 2003 : 11:59am
music : Roy Orbison
"wait a second...look, I've been trying to keep this whole thing in perspective, I mean, you just said you love me, now if I say I love you and just throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may and you're lying to me, I'm gonna fucking die..."
*******
I bought a book of poetry to read, just thought I'd stop in here to say hey. Selina..... you rock! thanks.
Thursday August 21, 2003 : 12:09am
music: Metric
yesterday I bought myself a new watch (called 'The Rocker' because I rock!) as well as a bunch of other stuff, it was a pretty awesome day.
but that's not why I am up so early, this morning I was dreaming about you
Wednesday August 20, 2003 : 3:22am
music: Love and Rockets (yet again)
lately I've been thinking I've been single for too long. I am probably the happiest I have ever been (on a consistent basis) yet there's that little something that's missing. thinking this immediately creates an internal argument....first: is this true....second: is it a good or bad thing.
yesterday someone at work asked me "why you don't have a beautiful girlfriend, you should have a beautiful girlfriend" I thought, fuck, ya, I should have a beautiful girlfriend.
the day before this conversation I declared to a friend, "I find beautiful girls so boring.... to look at, I mean."
***
here's a somewhat unrelated poem I wrote last month:
when
I walk
in serpentine slender
casting round spells
and pluck at the air
I know I can change a world
the honey-tongued women
who drip at the slightest notion of fear
fold like a torched library
this lick
of sickly misses
holds me in an awkward way
how I would love to approach them
like a dragon
:cold blooded, yet breathing fire
Thursday August 15, 2003 : 12:47am
so Janika and I went to Dairy Queen tonight after a rather long and aimless drive around the city, during which Jeeeks used her power of telepathic radio requesting to get Harvest Moon on the radio. While we were sitting outside the Dairy Queen, piggin' out on icecream, some dudes drove by and spewed a handful of change out on to the sidewalk. We immediately got up and began collecting as much as we could, then proceeded to walk further down the street and sure enough there was more a block down and then several blocks from there on the other side of the street. Together, we collected a buck sixty something in nickels, dimes and pennies and then gave it all to some guy begging outside of a bar.
sign my g/b, no one does anymore
Tuesday August 12, 2003 : 9:57pm
'elvis on the radio, steel guitar in my soul'
Sunday August 10, 2003 : 9:07am
hilarious
tucked inside
under my long arm of law
I drew a secret weapon
nerf in magnitude
my little self
came pouring out
liquid and bunny-like
something I can hold on to
for me
for seeing
and never needing
but still believing
...these are whispered words.
********
I had so much fun tonight
Saturday August 9, 2003 : 2:18pm
music: sonic youth
I'm running late for work so, I'll make this quick. I could be dropping acid tonight....it's been about 11 years since I last did it so I am already getting a little jittery just thinking about it.
you know I'm kinda bummed no one's found the new pages yet, make sure to sign the *secret guestbook* when you do, ah that's sounds kinda gay...ha!
Tuesday August 5, 2003 : 9:47pm
you can probably tell from the pic that I was feeling better over the weekend and managed to get into that hash of mine :)
clicking here or here would be nice of you, the traffic around this place has just seemed to have vanished suddenly and I've gone back to being 40% of the hits. during an average day, many thoughts come to my mind, thoughts of how to make this an interesting place, but then I get here and have very little to say.
I can't remember who I was talking to once but we were talking about mosh pits, it might have been my sis, I know they were younger than me. anyway, they were unaware that once upon a time there was such a thing as mosh pit etiquette.... "when I was a youngster" people would form a protective circle around if your bootlace came undone so you could fix it, if you happened to fall, there was always a hand or two grabbing you and pulling you back to your feet... shit like that.
Friday August 1, 2003 : 12:58pm
music: Rocket from the Crypt
so I'm ill again this week, spent the other night dry-heaving, lastnight and today with a fever. I'm hoping I'll get over it quickly cuz it's keeping me outta the sunshine. plus, my aunt gave me a nice chunk of hash and I've been wanting to smoke it. you don't see too much hash in vancouver because the weed is so good here, making it quite a delicacy.
lastnight in my feverish state I managed to scribble these words:
toes
flutter away
strung out on,
getting off on,
just trying to beat the rap
to dip into myself
lick it up
hiccup
and blessed
aside from the mess I've made
the love I brave will undoubtedly be
the undeniable death of me
torches burn
and I lay in bed,
dialtone in the head
drooling out whimsical daze wonder
lifting eyelids and rolling over
knots in the stomach make sense
gentle steps into the unseen, I went
jello limbs move much better
when appoached by watercolour landscapes
the blurred escape
with fever running away
still heart shaped ideal
no matter how I feel
your heart was my alone to steal,
the heart shaped ideal
Wednesday July 30, 2003 : 12:15pm
music: Soundgarden
'so now you know, who gets mystified'
Friday July 25, 2003 : 9:08pm
music: the fall
I've spent most of this week fucked up with a bad case of vertigo caused by a complication of some sort with the fluid in my inner ear. This has kept me home from work :), yet unable to take advantage of the free time because I'm only *normal* for short periods of time.....in other words I haven't done shit lately.
Fifth Column is getting some submissions, which is nice to see, there's still a lot of work I've got to do though.
Monday July 21, 2003 : 12:33pm
hey, I never have enuf time to do anything it seems, Milla got me working on the Fifth Column, so if you've got writing or art go submit it.
anyways, I'm gonna be late for work, gotta go!
Thursday July 17, 2003 : 1:23am
music: love and rockets
disturbed by lastnight's dreams, I can't quite get it together in my mind, always wanting to make more of it. then accused by the paranoid driftwood. and knowing no bounds, must stop, mid-stride, and let out a foolish sigh.....yes, it is true, you never knu me. a positive to pronounce in negative, and satisfied while screaming into treetops: it's considered blasphamy, I hear.
I have not been around much, nope. busy doing shit, looking after Jika since her surgery, working, working like an idiot.
I'll try to set aside a day soon to get shit all fixed up around here, add more poems and junk.
Sunday July 6, 2003 : 11:55pm
music: the cure (mixed up)
I don't really have much too say....well, I've got nothing to say, I just thought I'd stop in here and say hey....
so, hey.
Firday July 4, 2003 : 1:41pm
music: Dead Kennedys
its
always the same
repetitive distances needed to be traveled
while cardboard cutouts
of plastic trophy lovers
keep you anchored
but I am buoyant
in deception
Thursday July 3, 2003 : 12:27pm
music: the cure
during the past few days the traffic to my site has gone craazy and I'm really bewildered by this considering I'm not a chick or gaycamboy, no sex for sale here. nope but I like the attention though, so thanks
please believe me when I say I'm trying to reply to emails and such, and getting more poetry added. I've been taking on the enormous task of trying to organize my place and learning that yes, indeed, it is an enormous task! As well, I've been working like a mother fucker, which to the average joe would mean full-time.....I hate working for a living, this I have fully realized lately and will be working towards changing *fingers crossed*
it would be cool if more of you joined my cam portal. I was thinking of getting one of those forms so that people wouldn't have to email me. I know when applying to other portals I'm always worried that I'll have to engaged in some sort of an email convo and being my somewhat antisocial self, usually don't bother applying to those sites that I have to email, but maybe that's just me, or maybe you just don't want to be associated with me and my stinkin' portal
Tuesday July 1, 2003 : 11:53am
music: love and rockets
Happy Canada Day to all my fellow canadians out there.....
Friday June 27, 2003 : 4:46pm
music: Placebo
no one writes lyrics quite as cool as in Placebo songs
tonight's my last night of graveyards, possibly forever and so it's back to the wonderful world of customer service for me. I'm heading off to the eastside once again where I'll be greeted by loose women and twitching junkies, a tattered rubber mat rolled out before me, ZZtop blasting from an open-doored camaro to mark the occasion.
I'm going out with Jika this afternoon to buy books and magazines
Wednesday June 25, 2003 : 4:24pm
music: Anything Box
have you seen the latest entry in my guestbook? check it out, I found it a humorous surprise. well, I've been pretty busy lately, yet unable to really accomplish anything because I've been spending all my free time walking around in the sun, eating icecream and making eyes with girls. everyone is busy checking one another out in this city!
loook, I recently submitted a pic to the mirror project
Sunday June 22, 2003 : 10:58am
after laying in bed for two hours w/out being able to fall asleep I decided to get up and go grab a drink from the corner store.
on the way back it really started coming down (rain, for those of you who are unaware of the weather in vancouver) but today was one of those days when I was like 'ah, fuck it, I don't give a shit if I get soaked' and the rain is always awesome when you can approach it that way. now I have to say I am feeling quite happy.
Friday June 20, 2003 : 7:39am
music: Peter Murphy
check it out: sex toys that plug into the usb port. that's a step in a crazy direction, if you ask me.
this girl's got some fantastic pictures, go loook
Thursday June 19, 2003 : 10:31pm
Step
right up folks
Anarchy for sale!
T-shirts only 10 dollars
Badges only 3.50
I nicked the design, never asked the band
I never listen to them either
Buy Buy Buy from Circle A
Like hula hoops, it's a disposable craze
Another fast-food fad to throw away
Get your Anarchy For Sale
Anarchy For Sale
Anarchy For Sale
:DK
been feelin' this way lately with all the supposed punk music out there that resembles boy bands
Tuesday June 17, 2003 : 7:08am
music: sugarcubes
there goes the weekend and I find myself already into the thick of another week. yeesh. So I've added the portal I had been talking about and recieved a rather cool response from those of you out there with webcams. go on and join.
if you didn't notice I also put the update log back up. I must sleep now, so I can get some sun later
Thursday June 12, 2003 : 9:01pm
music: John Lennon
I just got this link emailed to me today, thought you might like to check it out
I'm going to open the cam portal soon, as well I have been playing with the idea of adding a section with excerpts from my journal in it, partly just so there's more content, partly to give me more time to consider the idea of reopening the poetry archive and to get a lot of my hand written journals on to disk
yesterday I ate so much I had to keep exhaling because if I allowed my lungs to get any bigger it would have forced the food back up....that's how full I was!
Monday June 9, 2003 : 4:05pm
I just woke up and found out that when I was little is back online, which is cool.
my agenda for the day consists of going out to eat, hanging with a friend, coming home and raking freshly cut grass then heading off for work.
you know, quite a few of you come here and yet look at my pitiful tagboard. go on and tag, why don't ya
Saturday June 7, 2003 : 7:34am
music: Bush
I was just thinking how I used to listen to the radio a lot. when I was fourteen or so I used to put it on, fall asleep and wake up to it. Vancouver sucks now as far as radio stations go. citr has been the constant exception over the years but I miss having a station like coast 800/1040.
I'm outta here, going to go float in the pool, ciao
Thursday June 5, 2003 : 9:41pm
If
you ever get close to a human
and human behaviour
be ready to get confused
there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour
but yet so irresistible
there is no map
to human behaviour
they're terribly moody
then all of a sudden turn happy
but, oh, to get involved in the exchange
of human emotions is ever so satisfying
there's no map and
a compass
wouldn't help at all
human behaviour
:bjork
Wednesday June 4, 2003 : 10:01pm
so I fixed a few things around here, getting stuff back to how it was originally, yet there's still more to do. I'm off to work soon, here's some recent words from my notebook:
you
paint your face
grotesque mannerisms
of modern living
exaggerated
features
:female, yet more guttural
transplanted
from a magazine
printing press caress
autosuggestion
....vivid
in the ways
in which they decay
***
walk
without respect
sudden side-effect of bruised intellect
grin grows more sober
once confronted and ignored
the rebellion toward
social principles
is never lost on us rejects
spitting out half-chewed etiquette
***
Tuesday June 3, 2003 : 9:57pm
music: PULP
just got outta the shower and getting ready for work, thinking I might create a portal page sometime soon
Friday May 30, 2003 : 1:11pm
music: ladytron
nothing much to say, I'm off to work soon but here's some links...
Diesel - For Successful Living
this guy's always got something to say
Wednesday May 28, 2003 : 6:04pm
music: Beach Soundtrack
I went scootin' around town with Mariana today and got a Bjork book that was half price, its got lots of cool peektures and weird bjork kinda stuff, you know how she is. I managed to grab a copy of the mag butter while I was downtown, then came home and cut it up, which seems(as i read more and more issues) is the only real use for the thing.....art materials
anyways I've been putting off getting this place back into shape but I should have some free time and energy in a week or so. I think I might skim the poetry archive down a bit before putting it back up.
I'm off to Horseshoe Bay to get a bite with some friends,
Tuesday May 27, 2003 : 12:34pm
music: Pigface
I'm going out soon to buy a few things but I wanted to stop in here because the other day I was happy to find that Milla's site is back up, go check it out.
Monday May 26, 2003 : 4:19am
music: INXS (The Swing)
I've come to the conclusion that I've let my wardrobe go to shit, I know, I know, give you a break but fuck I used to have a wardrobe that could rival that of a gay man! now somehow I've been reduced to cargopants and hoodies.
I'd like to take a silk screening course so that I could make my own tshirts, I have some ideers and the iron-on computer-fabric paper just don't cut it.
here's some things for you to check out
HEAVYWEIGHT:they painted P.E.Trudeau and David Suzuki, need I say more
Skateboard Graphics: yup
Sunday May 25, 2003 : 3:35am
music: The Stone Roses
last time I started listening to the stone roses again, I listened to the cd everyday for about six months.
I had a bunch of shit on my mind (enough that it forced me to get up and start typing) but like always, once I sit here I start thinking about some of the people who will be reading this and everything cramps up. what a luxury it would be to not care. but knowing how I feel is also an advantage when others haven't a clue. and maybe that's what it really comes down to....that it's not being cruel that I have a problem with but giving up that bit of leverage. tick tick tick.
+++++++
I'm going back on graveyards in a week so that I can save $ for car insurance for the year. I'll just do it for a month though, there's no way I'm gonna miss out on summer again for no good reason.
sign the guestbook, would ya
Tuesday May 20, 2003 : 4:32am
music: Coldplay
here's one of the paintings I've done over the last few days, this one had to be taken at an angle in order to avoid the glare from the flash...
obviously the colours are a lot better in reality but I think you can get the idea.
Sunday May 18, 2003 : 3:41am
music: FYC (fyc)
I've done some pretty cool painting and when I get around to it I'll take some pics of them. it seems this cd (Fine Young Cannibals first album) always brings something out of me.....in other important news in my ever-exciting life, I bought a copy of Brazil tonight.
>>>>>> tag >
Friday May 16, 2003 : 2:47am
music: Daft Punk
I decided I'd stay home tonight and do a little painting, right now I'm just waiting for a few things to dry so I thought I'd pop in here and do a little updating. unfortunately I'm too lazy to actually fix the underconstruction pages ....come to think of it I'm even too lazy to think of something clever to write and writing clever things for other people to read is what having a webpage is all about, isn't it!? how's this:
at work today I realized that Public Enemy's Fear of a Black Planet just doesn't scare people the way it once did
ah, I'm hopeless.
++++++++
have you tried Googlism yet, give it a shot
and hey, signing the guestbook would be cool
Wednesday May 14, 2003 : 6:40pm
music: wumpscut
dressed in waste:the pop of populace
+++++++++++++
I've started a new book which makes me pretty excited cuz I get to dress it up with the bits and pieces that I find on my travels throughout the city. everyones gone to see the Matrix. after hearing that I'd have to line up 1.5 hours before it starts, I decided I could wait a day or two to see it.
when I was a kid I thought this stuff was the coolest shit on the face of the earth
Tuesday May 13, 2003 : 12:59pm
music: Skinny Puppy
so I went to the doc yesterday and he says everything ok, so that's a relief (although a shallow one). then I added my pics at when i was little, go there and do the same.
I used to read detour mag a lot back in the day, had quite a little collection and then one day it just started to suck and eventually I stopped buying it. since then I've been looking for a replacement and the other day I found Flaunt, which coincidentally is put out by the guy who started and then left detour, anyways there were some cool illustrations in there by this guy:KRISTIAN RUSSELL
don't forget about The Jesus and Mary Chain - Alphabet Street
Sunday May 11, 2003 : 3:56pm
music: Ladytron
Ya, I said I was through with sulfur but somedays I find myself with nothing to do and think, oh if only I still had that old sulfur site of mine to pass the time. so today I said fuck it and decided to bring it back. also it's a good way to stear traffic to my new project:
go check it out, and feel welcome to submit your writing or art or a link to your site there.
Sunday January 12, 2003 : 2:10pm
I've finally decided that I am going to shut sulfur down.
Wednesday January 8, 2009 : 12:56pm
long live the fighters!!
Sunday January 5, 2003 : 8:36am
this is the part of the movie where Jack says: I want you to really listen to me... ...my eyes are open.
Thursday January 2, 2003 : 7:49am
I was scared for a second there, yesterday I was really missing that feeling that I usually get whenever a new year starts, but today I can sense it... something introspective that resonates outward.
Monday December 30, 2002 : 2:33am
"Words
are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world."
:beatles
Friday December 27, 2002 : 9:30am
...but when we rise it's like strawberry fields...
Sunday December 22, 2002 : 9:17am
I just worked 11.5 hours, that's crazy. this is why i haven't updated or anything lately. i want to to finish the poetry archive but its gonna be awhile.
I can't wait until the day that christmas is a relaxing time of year again....it seems I never get to enjoy it.
Wednesday December 18, 2002 : 2:57am
I was reading some stuff I wrote earlier in the year and to my surprise not all of it sucked, just most of it. I went out tonight to DV8 with...um..err...a good friend of mine who is so paranoid that he doesn't want his name or image on the net (but there's a few pics of him in my photo album anyways) so we got some food and caught up, bitched about the government and george lucas and other things. I had a spinach salad w/ raspberry dressing and feta and sliced apple and almonds and it kicked butt....I used to get all the time when we hung out there in 1996 - 1999. Sometimes it feels like I've gone back in time.
music: placebo
Tuesday December 17, 2002 : 7:48am
ok, I've got to stay awake so I can trudge through the malls, all tweaked out from lack of sleep, and go shopping. caffeine injection, please.
music: VNV Nation
Monday December 16, 2002 : 9:28am
I've come to the realization that I'm like the bandcamp girl in American Pie...except that my stories always start out, 'this one time on acid'.
I have to wonder if kids even do acid anymore or if it's straight to e.
later that evening....
I can't understand how it's almost 2003, that's crazy, really, come on. It feels as if I've accomplished nothing this year since I've spent the entire thing working, blek. anyhow, one more night of work then I've got to finish my christmas shopping because chances are I'll be working like a dog next week.
music: Anything Box
Sunday December 15, 2002 : 10:08pm
I worked from 10:30pm to 9:30am lastnight/this morning and now it's back to work again, yeesh
The guestbook seems ok now.
Saturday December 14, 2002 : 3:30pm
well, I'm sick.....which sucks because it has been about a year and half since I last had a cold and I thought I'd be able to sneak through this winter.
no one seems to like the new tag board
Wednesday December 11, 2002 : 10:24pm
duh
Thursday December 5, 2002 : 2:02pm
Wake..
from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape, we escape
Pack.. and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before all hell breaks loose
Breathe, keep breathing
Don't lose your nerve
Breathe, keep breathing
I can't do this alone
Sing.. us a song
A song to keep us warm
There's such a chill, such a chill
You can laugh
A spineless laugh
We hope your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one in everlasting peace
We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke
-radiohead
:this is for my mom, candice, matt and court and our latenight drives in Stanley Park
Tuesday December 3, 2002 : 11:36am
I'm sad today
Monday December 2, 2002 : 9:48pm
adsl has been fucked up the past two days so I haven't been able to update and then I was so frustrated that I couldn't even work on the poetry archive. Tonight's my lastnight of work for a couple of days, tomorrow I plan to do a bit of christmas shopping. I'm sick of leaving it to the last minute like I always do.
go on and sign my guestbook, will ya
Saturday November 30, 2002 : 9:09pm
I don't think I've mentioned the bunny rabbits, have I? well, there are a bunch of them living on my street about a block and a half down. who'd of thought there would be so many creatures in this part of the city. We can even boast to have what I feel are the most hideous prostitutes in town as well, man they scare me.
Wednesday November 27, 2002 : 6:49pm
so many crazy dreams this morning
Monday November 25, 2002 : 8:50am
I worked an hour and half OT last night, then had to scrape the ice off my windows with a piece of a tape case. but the sun was starting to come up and the sky was red and orange and purple and the moon and venus (i think) were still visible.
I just made myself some french toast with super thick slices of bread. it was wonderful. I'll think I'll hit the sack soon...
Friday November 22, 2002 : 10:04pm
off to work...
Thursday November 21, 2002 : 9:53am
ya, I know the new pic on the main page is a little cheeky but I was sick of the one of me.
Wednesday November 20, 2002 : 7:31am
going to download some music, then go to sleep. I will put up the poetry I've been typing out, I just want to find some pictures and stuff to go with it.
Saturday November 16, 2002 : 10:35am
I hate going out in public after I've worked a graveyard shift because usually I'm all sketched out. But anyways, I was sitting here typing out old poetry (still) and decided I should go grab a protein bar or something....that's another thing,buying junkfood such as chips or chocolate bars always gets disapproving looks so early in the morning. So I went for a little stroll to the corner store, passing an old lady on the way. I made eye contact with her and gave her a friendly smile. I could tell it took her by surprise because when she said hello her voice only let out the "lo" part.
Thinking about this I have to challenge the idea of me being anti-social.
Friday November 15, 2002 : 7:07am
If you're wondering why the love you long for eludes you and people are rude and cruel to you, I'll tell you why...
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
:the smiths
Thursday November 14, 2002 : 8:43am
I've been trying to get all my poetry typed out and put on disk....it takes forever with my typing skills
Tuesday November 12, 2002 : 8:51am
well, I bought a bunch of dvd's and since the extended Lord of the Rings dvd comes out today, I'm going back and will undoubtedly blow some more dough.
go here and check out some old poems of mine, plus there's cool art and stuff by other people
Sunday November 10, 2002 : 8:56am
the plan today is to spends some money on dvd's and stuff
Wednesday November 6, 2002 : 8:56pm
I'm finding it so hard to update lately.
Saturday November 2, 2002 : 7:23am
sean and on and on
Wednesday October 30, 2002 : 9:02pm
"how could I ever think it's funny how everything you swore would never change is different now like you said you and me make it through didn't quite fell apart where the fuck were you?" :NIN
I was listening to this at work lastnight and realized that it's been awhile since I found new music that really affected me and got my mind buzzing. I talked to Mariana the other day about the fact that I've given up on writing for a while and how concerned people seemed to be about it. I want to paint, or get into music again, I think it would be a nice change.
Monday October 28, 2002 : 9:28pm
graveyards start tonight and it's going to be a pain getting back into it, but there is the glory of not having to serve the public.
"as silent as a clam" :I read this in a short story the other day and became incredibly jealous that I had never thought of it.
music : skinny puppy
Thursday October 24, 2002 : 3:05am
today is the birthday of the girl from 'The Lake' for those of you who remember it, I wrote a bunch of other stuff for her, even a few paintings and she doesn't even know, and sure, she'll probably never know. maybe some day I'll elaborate on this, but for now... Happy Birthday where ever you are.
Monday October 21, 2002 : 1:38pm
the
black wall behind you
accentuates the dark circles around your eyes and I can barely
manage to make out the blue
but its there I can see it like a shadow in the moon
almost hollow, like a bruise
almost proud and painted
like a smile, slight without teeth
you're above, I'm underneath
a hand on your cheek,
a mouth full of feet
tongues moving between
Thursday October 17, 2002 : 11:18am
I'm playing hooking from work, so I thought I'd get up earlier today and do something. I'm always most productive on days like this. I go back on the graveyard shift in a week and I brought a new discman/mp3 player yesterday so I'll have tunes. anyways....laundry is waiting.
music: orbital
Tuesday October 15, 2002 : 1:39pm
chin up, eyes tight
Friday October 11, 2002 : 3:16am
something
I can change/ manufacture
replentish, redistribute
with a magnificent rebute of self.
build
a steaming train of thought, steely in its grandeur, wrapped in a
glorious flag, stitched with blood drenched emblems of history
wear my profane heart on a dirty sleeve call out across the
shores of decades, never more
++++++++++
let's get down to it:
blue jean, I just met a girl named blue jean
+++
come on, email me or sign my guestbook
Tuesday October 8, 2002 : 2:33am
there's a quote from killing zoe that can be found throughout my notebooks:
I make things, object, not like sculpture, like life. What I do, I do only for the objects
Friday October 4, 2002 : 8:25pm
well, I served you up all of my affection/but that didn't work out so great/and I'd help you with your defection/but I still think I'm your best fate: frank black
Thursday October 3, 2002 : 12:21am
I sat down here with an idea in my head, something to say, to maybe confess a little, believing that once the headphones were on I could no longer concern myself with my pride and just write whatever came to my mind, but something stops me.
how times have we been here before, hoping, and still it never turns out.
these people flutter through my life and I look on in amazement, smiling out such wonderful tears.
I want to put my fist through the sky because it always means more to me.
and really in the end I guess that's ok with me because who wants to go through life so casually, not me that's for sure. I just can't help becoming frustrated every once in a while.
Wednesday October 2, 2002 : 12:59am
I understand now that the type of person I am is not fitted for the internet. I am too neurotic, that's for sure and still there's so much more. I can't help but be happy by all the wonderful people who compliment me, my writing, sulfur, and then agonize over how to say thanks without coming across all weird
Tuesday October 1, 2002 : 1:34am
ok, it's true, work sucks even with a bmx
Monday September 30, 2002 : 12:54am
back to work for me tomorrow but I don't mind really because.... I got a NEW BMX!! and the world can no longer touch me. everything is ok with sean now!
RRaaaaawwrr!!!
Thursday September 26, 2002 : late
so this day (26th of september) is quite a big day for me as far as who I am goes because 11 years today I kinda lost it a little, had a mental break down and just have not been the same since. I always end up writing a bit, at first to actually sit down and analyse the happenings of that day and later on just to mention it and say hey, I still haven't forgotten. so hey,
I remember.
Wednesday September 25, 2002 : 9:34pm
lastnight I started writing down notes about a certain part of my life, I have this binder with a record of my life in it. just facts kinda stuff. since I've been writing for such a long time (poems and stuff) I can even track down precise days, major events, and so on. It's not a journal, that is separate and more sporatic (however the fuck you spell it) I have never really wanted to believe in circular theories, that life goes in seven year cycles but the evidence in my notes seems to suggest it does. all throughout my life seven year parallels (or multiples of) can be found.
kat and I tiedyed shirts lastnight and I made the most hideous shirt ever that I think I will just have to wear it out one night so that I can offend the whole of vancouver at once.
Tuesday September 24, 2002 : 1:27pm
today I wonder whatever happened to the girl with pointed ears, yesterday was her birthday I think
Saturday September 21, 2002 : 3:11pm
I scrapped my first idea and went in an entirely different direction which is really just a modified version of v2. I plan on giving all the pages the same feel, sooner or later.
Friday September 20, 2002 : 6:01pm
...off to a friends for dinner...
Wednesday September 18, 2002 : 9:40pm
I thought I'd be able to finish the new version and could save any new entries for then but I'm too fuckin' lazy
music: dayglo abortions - feed us a fetus
.....arg, fuck, kill!
Thursday September 12, 2002 : 4:32pm
I am slowly getting used to sleeping at night which means that by the time I am fully conditioned to the day it will be time to go back on graveyards.
my stomach's been all wierd lately too
I was thinking of heading out to visit my sis and see how her and tyler were doing but instead I decided to sit around in the sun, smoke hash and drink coke....good idea sean!
by the way....I've been working on a new version of sulfur so if things go down - that's why. but I have usually been pretty good about changing the site without any disruptions. sulfur 4 won't be very different as far as content goes, I just want to organize it a bit better, well you'll see anyways
I'm listening to the cult - electric
Tuesday September 10, 2002 : 8:30pm
life displays itself to me, I can't help but be amazed even though this is not our first meeting
Sunday September 8, 2002 : 8:37am
"all veils and misty streets of blue..."
Friday September 6, 2002 : 7:14am
my nephew, tyler was born a couple of hours ago - 8lbs 2oz, lotsa hair
we'll hook up later after a sleep
Thursday September 5, 2002 : 3:52pm
I should be sleeping right now but its so sunny today, who can sleep. only a couple of shifts left before vacation so I can get away with only a couple of hours of sleep.
my stomach is squeeking like a dolphin.
Saturday August 31, 2002 : 2:21pm
some feedback on Flowers would be nice, I'm going to change some of the poems too, so tell me what you think
7:32am
got
hips like cinderella
must be having a good shame
talking sweet about nothing
cookie i think you're
tame
:more pixies
Thursday August 29, 2002 : 7:29am
in another week or so I'll be returning to the day, the miniature day.
my sis should be popping out a baby in the next few days, making me an uncle for the second time!
my ten year reunion will be coming as well, which should be very interesting considering how I portrayed myself back then. ha.
Wednesday August 28, 2002 : 7:28am
kicking the pieces of it around. idle. idol. fat temple. spitting love. and cursing worship where I laid you. down. and out.
the sweaty palms of our bodies together. tasting the blood. at your ankle.
Monday August 26, 2002 : 10:27am
some people think humans will become extinct but I have a great belief in human beings, in our resourcefulness, when the fit hits the shan, we will find a way to survive, to continue, whether we deserve to or not. nothing, no one can stop us.
I was wishing I could live 350 years or so, I think that's long enough to really get a good sense of things. we are living at the end a dark age, on the brink of a new renaissance, give it another 50 - 100 years.
I'm listening to 'banco de gaia', if you were wonderin
Saturday August 24, 2002 : 10:16am
the ghost at work was busy today, he hadn't been around for awhile
.residue.
Thursday August 22, 2002 : 7:20am
I sit here, wondering what to write when really, at the heart of it, I am too anti-social to get anything out this computer and website. I think I am the only person I know who spends so much time online and doesn't chat or anything with anyone. pitiful.
then I have to wonder....what of all of the me's....things were not always like this of course,
it may be hard to believe, hard to comprehend
but baby, you didn't know me when:
the lady brought redmeat and we lived by the sea! *for effect*
Monday August 19, 2002 : 6:45am
Yesterday was a good day, I bought a new book, spent all day in the sun, saw a few people who I hadn't seen in years (even saw Matt from the Seacove gang)
I'm happy.
5 songs that always make me happy:
dreams - cranberries
today - smashing pumpkins
here comes your man - pixies
I wanna be adored - stone roses
in between days - cure
Saturday August 17, 2002 : 6:58am
my work week is done! time to hang out in the sun.
"hey been trying to meet you, must be a devil between us"
pixies are the best!
Tuesday August 13, 2002 : 7:59am
a jump up to see over the head of the city
Sunday August 11, 2002 : 9:01am
it sucks that I haven't written anything in so long because I would love to change the stuff around on here. A few hours ago I printed out all the little bits that I've done over the past six months or so, they're just fragments though. somehow I think that if I start smoking again I can get on a roll with words. they have been swirling around, that's for sure. I've been in this position before, where it's not so much the words that I have a problem with but the rhythm. everything seems horribly awkward and plain. Or the only words that appeal to me are horribly awkward and plain. 1993 - 1995 I didn't write much, in fact I probably have only a handful of poems to show for those two years. oh well.
I just feel like such an idiot now because I don't write anymore and everyone considers me a writer. you see, it's like my excuse for anything else I have neglected in life, why I have so little to show for my 28 years of existence. not to mention my love life, because there's that wonderful stereotype of the maladjusted writer that can be blamed for me not having anyone in my life. remember: them writers are deep, complicated people, right? yup, you bet.
anyhow, I'm listening to The Fall, it took me ten years to find them again.
Friday August 9, 2002 : 12:20pm
I was dealt my punishment today which, considering everything that happened, was very minor. (change subject)
so I was thinking about us, us people that grew up during the eighties and I wonder if the music is really to blame. that faerytale daze-wonder that was put in us. the dreamy romance. I should really start some kind of support group for hetero guys who listen to bands like erasure. the abuse we have endured.
Thursday August 8, 2002 : 7:52am
well, first we've got to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! to Shelley. I've been busy moving the photos so that I'll have room to put up a mp3 of the week or month or whatever, so give it a little time. I also expect to post more recent photos here and upload some drawings and start the fan page and make some buttons and and and I've been sleeping so much lately that I never get time to do any of it.
Oh ya, email me, I've been getting wonderful emails lately or better yet sign my gbook, that stuff is better than the votes anyways.
Monday August 5, 2002 : 3:56pm
trouble loves me, again
that story I was gonna tell ya will have to wait til I know how much shit I'm gonna get in
Saturday, August 3, 2002 : 11:21pm
I just woke up, the site is all fucked, I think I'll spend the night fixin' it, I've got a good story to tell, that'll come later..
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 : 7:05am
so with the all those gov't cuts, I will be out of a job in a couple of years which isn't so bad because I had already been planning on something new, this just means my safety net is gone. all I want to do now is make a lot of money so that I don't have to work and can devote my time to writing which I have decided to completely ignore for the next few years or so. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but ah fuck, what can you do.
I have been listening to a lot of old INXS lately: shabooh shoobah, the swing, it gets me hopping
Tuesday July 30, 2002 : 7:30am
I've really been wanting to get into the site more, to put stuff in it, more of myself in it but I can't help thinking back to my original conclusion that it's an impossiblity given the nature of things, and that if I were to turn this into a journal I would enevitably have to put up with the people who know me in the real world and refuse to allow me to be anything other than what they percieve me to be.
It seems I've spent my life, jumping from group to group, making people believe I'm a certain way so that I can contradict it later on.
anyways, I'm going to try to update more often now.
Monday July 29, 2002 : 12:03am
so, like it says, I slept 15.5 hours and you know, I'm still tired. I haven't slept this much since I was a teenager.
anyway, I had a cool dream about a girl:
we met on the roller coaster and exchanged journals, then we robbed a bank with bricks(you know, pointing a brick and saying give me all the money). I slept on her living room floor and when I woke up she was getting ready in the kitchen
Saturday July 27, 2002 : 7:23pm
pretty, vacant
Monday July 22, 2002 : 4:57am
sign my guestbook and you will have my undying love, honest....it's true.
...something I thought when I woke today: "stop limiting my freedom, stop hiding my ways".....all those teenage poems seem written to motivate me now.
I often wonder how much of me is being held captive on paper, in notebooks, sitting idle on shelves or in boxes .....and what of everything that I've burned
Saturday July 20, 2002 : 7:20am
I forgot there was something I wanted to mention...the new apoptygma album has a song "spin dizzy" that's very similar to a poem "spin dizzy" that I wrote and it bugs me that someone else is using MY spin dizzy phrase, I couldn't care less about the similarity of the content but the title is MINE, MINE, mine...hold on a sec.....I first put it to paper....in 1991, I think but it might have even been earlier. so there, that's that.
anyhow, I've been getting a few emails lately from people saying that they like my writing and art or whatever and I was thinking of starting a little fan club, cuz well, what's a personal page without a personal fan club? yup, I'm going to handcraft some membership cards out of construction paper and stuff. maybe even include a full stalker package for those who live in or are visiting Vancouver. That would be cool, I haven't been stalked in a while.
speaking of stalking - The Stalker didn't even make the short list for that contest I entered a while back. that sucks.
Monday July 15, 2002 : 9:35pm
"there's been days like this before you know/ and I liked them all/ like the times we did it so hard/ there was blood on the wall/ and if you said jump in the river I would/ because it would probably be a good idea"
...this song tickled my memory a bit
Saturday July 13, 2002 : 6:51am
I just got home from work. I had so many words running through my mind while I was there, in fact I've starting writing little phrases or words or combinations of words down on slips of paper and putting them in a box. I don't kno what I'll do with them yet. yet.
I hung out with Mike today and he brought up an interesting idea....that men have evolved past women..."we can make you come and listen to your problems."
I've decided I'm going to see how well that fabric paper works and make a few t-shirts for myself. I would love to make a "kill moby" shirt with blood squirting out of his head or neck or something.
Sunday July 7, 2002 : 4:22pm
cookie day, cookie day, it's a beautiful cookie day : shonen knife, I forgot about them.
I've been thinking about stuff lately, lotsa stuff, thinking about getting out of this life...and I don't mean in the goodbye cruel world sense but rather just disregarding the present. life always seemed to work better when I never considered the consequences - now it's all I think about, mapping every possiblity.
yup, fuck it
(but say it with a snarl that's somewhere between elvis and billy idol)
Monday July 1, 2002 : 8:20am
Happy Canada Day!
Tuesday June 25, 2002 : 4:11pm
no cigarettes or coffee make sean something something. it was two weeks yesterday.
someone searched for homeless oranges and found this site yesterday and today, who the fuck are you, and why are you looking up the homeless anyways?
Sunday June 9, 2002 : 5:37am
I haven't been able to do an update in a while cuz everything was all fucked up, but things seem to be ok now. I have another segment of the east van version of wild kingdom....two nights ago I was walking to my car, heading to work, when a cat quickly took off from the street all stealth like, making me believe he was up to something. There, in the middle of the road, was a small crow just hanging out, looking around. It just stood there as I walked by.
So I let my car warm up and crow hopped around - it was either injured or didn't know how to fly yet, it hopped over to a tree where another crow, presumably a parent, was making a bunch of noise. Out of one of mirrors I saw the cat sneeking out from behind a parked car - its body was stretched out in full attack mode like one of those ceramic black panthers that were common during the 70's. The little crow was just sitting silently at the base of the tree, looking around.
I scared the cat away and he retreated but eventually I had to go to work. The next morning when I came home, there were no feathers or anything, so who knows what happened.
Ok, this morning I'm going to do something I haven't done in awhile. Every so often I take this enormous dictionary of mine, put it in front of me on the floor, sit down, close my eyes, spin it around and around, open it and then slide my finger along the page until I find a spot I like. The word closest to my finger, is, in theory, supposed to sum up who I am today, or what's going on in my life, or something to that effect.
ok, give me sec while I do this.....
down: a hill or rising ground; a low, rounded grassy hill; a tract of naked, hilly land, used chiefly for pasturing; a term commonly used in the south of England; also a dune or sand hill near the sea.
Saturday May 25, 2002 : 7:45am
Well, I guess that's what I get for asking Kat to sign my guessbook....
Wednesday May 22, 2002 : 7:45am
the other night I heard some animal get killed, I think it was a squirrel being attacked by the crows that hang out around here. It all happened outside my room and I could hear the thing squealing like crazy and clawing at the walls as it tried to get away. Them damn crows!
You know, everywhere I've lived there have been three crows hanging out in a tree. When I lived in Kerrisdale there were five until I lived there alone, then there were three. Three in Burnaby, three when I moved back to Kerrisdale, three on East 50th, three in Gastown(although in the early morning there were around 100-200) then I move here and yup, three here too. except these ones are killers...
Friday May 17, 2002 : 7:28am
I don't have much to say today so I thought I'd throw in something from my journal, something that I wrote in it at basically the same time of year:
May, 1999...I look up at my Quadra Island painting, it could be better but I like it. I think about last summer and how this one is coming and how the last year has gone and I wonder what happened. I feel like have been mourning the whole time. Inside, I ache. It is a pain like a shadow. Under its influence, I think: why would I love anyone else...I am too eager to throw my affection around.
Tuesday May 14, 2002 : 8:31am
well, I got my camera! now there's just the matter of learning how to use all its cool little options and modes and stuff.
I've had my eye on success lately...
Saturday May 11, 2002 : 7:52am
I'm going to leave my burrow today and enjoy some sunshine
Tuesday May 7, 2002 : 7:05pm
Looks like I'll be getting the amount of $ I wanted for my car which kicks ass! it's burning a hole in my pocket already...camera? new computer? new car? or Home Entertainment System?
my conscience answers: property is theft.
Monday May 6, 2002 : 3:17am
Well I wasted my only day off working on this thing and I am pretty happy with it so far. It has a hard, cold outside and colourful and warm inside. The colours for this page are a bit gay but I think it's necessary to contradict the sterile main page.
Now I've got to decide what to do tomorrow b4 work, should I buy that camera, or deal with ICBC? For some reason I have a feeling that I'll do neither and allow myself to become consumed with this computer.
