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Why Do Relationships so Often Leave us Feeling So Helpless??

The famous Vancouver based author Dr. J.I. Packer once commented that "marriage, being the most delicate and demanding of relationships, as well as potentially the most delightful, is a terribly difficult topic on which to write wisely and well." In spite of such concerns, Dr. Packer agreed to write a foreword. endorsing a Gold Medallion Book Award winner entitled "The Mystery of Marriage". "Rarely", says Packer, "has a new book roused in me so much enthusiasm as has the combination of wisdom, depth, dignity and glow ... that I find in these chapters. "

The author, Mike Mason, believes that marriage comes to everyone as an intense invasion of one's privacy. That is why he believes that there is in us "a secret resentment of the demands of marriage, a reluctance to give way any more than is absolutely necessary." in all of us, there is a struggle between the needs for dependence and for independence, between the urge toward loving cooperation and the opposite urge toward detachment, privacy, self sufficiency, One of the hardest things in marriage, says Mason, is the feeling of being watched. It is the constant surveillance that can get to one, that can wear one down like a bright light shining in the eyes, and that leads inevitably to the crumbling of all defenses, all facades, all the customary shams and masquerades of the personality. Being watched, for Mike Mason, is an ambivalent but life giving experience. "Being watched by one who loves is not like being watched by anyone else on earth! No, to be loved as one is being watched is like one thing only: it is like the watchfulness of the Lord God Himself ..."

 Marriage to Mike Mason is a profound paradox, full of ambiguity. That is why he believes that " ... there is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage, and at the same time nothing better than a good one." To be married, says Mason, is to have found in a total stranger a near and long lost relative, a true blood relative even closer to us than father or mother. Marriage for Mason is an act of contemplation. It is a divine pondering, an exercise in amazement. " _ marriage, as simply as it can be defined, is the contemplation of the love of God in and through the form of another human being."

Why is it that so often people simultaneously want to run towards and away from intimacy?  Click to find out more...


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St. Simon's Anglican Church 
North Vancouver, B.C.