The Great White Lie | |||
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Have you been to Canada? If not, then you probably don't know much about the country. That's not surprising.  This country rarely makes the headlines, and it's not an interesting subject for the classroom. (Stephen Leacock once said Canada "has not enough history and too much geography.") If you're like most non-Canadians, then you probably know one thing about the place: it's cold.
As you've probably deduced by now, I've spent some time in Canada. And I can assure you that, while we do get some ferocious winters, it's not always so bad. In fact spring can be quite pleasant and summertime rather hot. Not steaming hot, not fry your eyeballs in the desert hot, but hot enough to work up a good sweat, get a nice tan, wear as few clothes as possible, and for women in Ontario to have the legal right to go shirtless. Furthermore, here on the west coast the climate is pretty mild year 'round. It might rain a bit in Vancouver, and we might get a few days of snow, but that's all. A white Christmas happens maybe once in three years. As I write this on 12 December, the temperature is about ten degrees above freezing. It's slightly windy and there's only a little rain. Other parts of Canada are much better off. Victoria, BC is our Florida, where people go to retire. It's not too hot, not too cold, about the same as Southern England. Now, having read all this, you can defer to my firsthand knowledge and shrug off your earlier notions about Canada--"Well well, how 'bout that, learn something new every day"--and add my account to your personal storehouse of knowledge and belief that is the ongoing process of human discovery. Or you can be cautious. After all, I could be pulling your leg. So you consult the atlases and encyclopedias, check international weather reports on the Web, quiz some Canadian tourists, and question friends who have visited Canada. And from your research you will get a broad picture of a nation with bad winters, good summers, and some regions having mild climates. You will then be able to congratulate your diligence in learning the truth and take pride in the fact that, compared to most people in this world, you are now an expert on Canada. Or you can take the crazy route. You can insist that Canada is an eternally frozen wasteland. You can say that all the books are dead wrong. You can say that alleged photographs of sunny Canada are fake because they don't show polar bears or snow-covered penguins. You can say that Canadians are lying because they have a vested interest in standing on guard for the Canada Fraud. You can dig up evidence to bolster your claim: No less an authority than X-Files David Duchovny declared that Vancouver receives "400 inches of rain a day." You can then thunder about the historic and far-reaching "Canada Conspiracy": how the wicked Canadian government is luring innocent immigrants to an icebound and wind-scoured hell on earth. You could write a book about it. You will probably get invited on late-night talk shows. You might even convince a couple of people. But mostly you will be laughed at. Though you might draw solace from the strength of your convictions or feel smug about being displayed on "alternative" stations (that modern version of the 19th century freak show), it is a fate that only a few determined fanatics can enjoy. It is a lonely life, relieved only by theoretical hair-splitting among fellow lunatics and neverending arguments with those who shred your evidence with monotonous regularity. You will be dismissed as "the Canada kook," while the rest of the world (Canadians included) get on with their affairs after you have been briefly noted and swiftly forgotten. Fortunately you can avoid this sort of life by using a bit of critical thinking. That subject, however, must wait for later. I can't write any more. It's getting cold. |
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