The Guardians message

Message From The Messenger

Laura

May 27, 2006

Healing Crisis

I learned a new term this week and not only it's definition but it's true depth of meaning.

Healing Crisis... it seems at first blush to be almost a contradiction in terms, does it not? Within that contradiction lies a beautiful and loving truth that can only be experienced and not fully explained in words.

I am willing to take a stab at it because I believe it holds such a powerful message of Hope and Healing!

On Wednesday morning last I awoke to a sudden and unexplained crippling pain in my lower back. The intensity grew by the minute as I tried to get ready for my day. The level of pain was incredible and at a level I have not experienced since just after a near fatal car accident I had almost 20 yrs ago. I was not only almost incapacitated by the pain but by the horrible wave of fear and remembrance of that experience so long ago, now it seemed only minutes old.

What was happening to me, I had had bad bouts of back attacks over the years since the accident but nothing touched the level of pain I was experiencing now. I was immediately convinced I had done something to terribly re-injure myself and was terrified of the consequences of that possibility.

I immediately called my trusted Chiropractors office and got the first appointment at 9 am. I had no one to drive me to the appointment, so I struggled in excruciating pain to drive myself to the appointment through almost 2 hrs of rush hour stop and go traffic. At several points I had to pull over for fear that I was going to end up in another car accident as I was in such pain I had trouble working the gas and brake peddles.

I arrived safely at the doctors office and was immediately taken into a treatment room. The Doctor examined me and started to try and do some adjustments. My back was in such spasms that he couldn't and had to ice me down for about 15 minutes before he could do anything. It was sheer agony, even though he did very few adjustments.

The Doctor explained to me that what was happening, despite the intense pain, was actually a good thing. He said that a lot of the scare tissue was freeing itself and that after I was through this phase I would actually be better off than I have ever been since the accident. All my years of different treatments and therapies were paying off big time. Needless to say I was skeptical and still very fearful that I had done myself more damage.

Another excruciating drive home from the Doctors office and with great pain and effort got myself into bed with my ice pack. I lay there, in what for that stage could be called semi-comfort, thinking about what the Doctor had said "that I was actually getting better and was experiencing a Healing Crisis" trying to convince myself it was true. I was having a difficult time of it but considering the alternative was even more frightening.

If you have never experience a serious injury with extreme pain, it is very difficult to understand the intense emotional and mental impact of being in such a state. It is the ultimate feeling of powerlessness and total vulnerability, when you simply feel you have absolutely no control over your body or anything else for that matter. It is the "Dark Night of The Body" and the soul is drawn in by the sheer emotional and mental stress that unending chronic pain produces.

This was supposed to be Healing? Crisis definitely but healing?

Thursday morning broke with a slight but definite improvement in my pain and mobility levels, so I became a bit more hopeful. I was still not recuperating at the rate I had from past bouts with back attacks so I remained skeptical of this so called "Healing Crisis". I struggles through the day with some anti-inflammatories and my trusty ice pack, now my best friend.

I woke up Friday morning, now my third day missing work, at no where near the level of recovery I hoped to be at but still with a subtle improvement over the day before. I went to my scheduled Doctors appointment with greater ease that the first trip on Wednesday but still in great pain.

My back had settled a bit so he was able to start adjustments right away. I was walking better but I was still totally unable to bend or turn at the waist. The Doctor put me on my side and did an adjustment that I had had a hundred times before, no biggy right? WRONG!

The pain was blinding and brought a flood of tears to my eyes and took my breath away. I wept uncontrollably for the first time ever in his office.

The pain only lasted probably a split second but it felt like a life time and drove the message straight and clear to my mind that I was nowhere as close to getting better as I had hoped when I arrived at the office.

Thankfully, once I recover from the shock of the pain and got up and moved I could actually notice a slight improvement in my condition. Again the fear crept into my soul, how long is this going to last? Again my wonderful Doctor spent time reassuring me that this was a "Healing Crisis" and would have wonderful results after I went through it. I was in fact healing and not sliding into some great abyss of never ending pain and lifelong disability.

So here I sit on Saturday morning, and sit is a wonderful word since I haven't been able to do that without great pain for 3 days now, mending and healing. I finally believe in my heart that the Healing definitely overpowers the word Crisis and that I will actually be better off after going through this process.

I was nudged to record this chain of events in hope that it may bring hope and encouragement to someone out there struggling with their own "Healing Crisis", even if they have never before heard the term.

Be well and don't loose hope, you too can receive healing, regardless of your present or past condition.

Blessings one and all...

Laura