An Egg of Note

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An Egg of Note

The assorted court attendants turned their attention from their whispered conversations as King Cole looked up from the scrolls he was reading. "Good, good. Send him in."

The herald ushered in a short, thin man and left, closing the large oaken doors behind him. The man was dressed in patched clothing that showed the stains of dirty work, but appeared to have been washed specially for this audience, probably for the first time ever.

The king let him stand there, waiting, for a long moment as he filled and lit his pipe. "Mr. Dumpty, I presume. May I call you Humphrey? That is your given name, is it not?"

The man bowed deeply. "Yes, Your Majesty, it is. You may call me anything you like, of course. My friends call me Humpty."

King Cole smiled at this. A lord's snicker was hurriedly silenced. "Humpty Dumpty - is that so?" A smirk appeared very briefly at the corner of the royal mouth, then was quickly hidden by a long draw on the pipe. "Very well then, Humpty, I imagine you're wondering why I called you here."

"Yes, Your Majesty, I am. I shouldn't think you'd have much need of a simple egg-farmer such as I."

The king gazed at Humpty for a long moment, as though trying to gauge the depths of this 'simple' man. "I've been told you have a gift. A gift with, ah, poultry."

Humpty fidgeted nervously. "Um, I suppose you could say that, Sire." His eyes were focussed on the floor, a few inches in front of his shoes.

"Tell me, Humpty, is it true that you can talk to birds?"

He looked up. "With all due respect, Your Majesty, anyone can talk to birds. It's just that not many take the time to try, or to listen when they talk back."

The king took another long draw on his pipe and Humpty began to feel nervous. He had often been ridiculed for claiming to know what his chickens, ducks, and geese were saying. Granted, some of his poultry were not very bright, and a few did not really understand him. Most did though, and were much more intelligent than folks gave them credit for.

At length, King Cole replied to Humpty's statement. "I see. And you can understand their squawking?"

Humpty cringed inwardly at the crude description of their beautiful language, but simply replied, "Yes, Your Majesty."

"Well then Humpty, I'm hoping you can be of service to me. You may have heard tales of my father, King Jack, who, in his youth, retrieved a certain goose from a giant's castle in the clouds."

"Yes, Your Majesty." This was, of course, a well-known fact throughout the kingdom. The golden eggs laid by said goose were largely responsible for Jack having assumed the throne in the first place. No one talked openly about the fact that the eventual glut of gold on the market had caused a severe devaluation of that particular metal.

"When my father died and I assumed the throne, I also naturally inherited the goose. All this I'm sure you knew. What I'm sure you did not know is that once each year, on the winter solstice, an egg is laid that actually only has a golden shell. The egg inside has a yolk and a white, just like any normal egg. The taste though ... the taste is exquisite; completely indescribable." A look of bliss spread across the king's face.

Humpty stood there in shock. He didn't notice that his mouth was hanging open. He thought he knew pretty much everything there was to know about eggs, but this was news indeed.

"It has become a tradition," continued King Cole, "that I eat this egg in an omelette for breakfast on Christmas morning. However, the goose has escaped, and I'd like to get her back. Her wings have been clipped, so she cannot fly, but she has managed to climb to the highest parapet on the castle wall and laid the edible egg there! I've sent men up to retrieve both goose and egg, but whenever someone gets close, she gets very agitated. I'm afraid she'll fall off and plummet to her death."

Humpty was beginning to see where this was going, and he started to smile.

"My advisors told me of your ability with fowl. I'd like you to climb up and bring them both down safely. You will of course be richly rewarded for performing this service."

Humpty quickly jumped in, "Yes, Your Majesty, I'll gladly help you. It has been my dream to meet your goose in person one day!"

The king smiled broadly. "Wonderful. However, I must warn you of the ice."

"Ice?"

"Yes. Given that we're in the middle of winter, the upper walls are coated with a thin layer of ice. My men have removed most of it to within ten feet or so of the goose, but they could not get any closer than that. If she lets you come closer, you'll have to watch your footing."

Humpty wasn't about to let a little ice get in the way of this opportunity. Here he had the chance to personally meet the goose that lays golden eggs and earn the gratitude of his king at the same time. He quickly agreed to try, and they made their way outside.

Within a few minutes they had crossed the castle courtyard, accompanied by the king's usual entourage of guards, courtiers, and assorted lackeys. The large group watched as Humpty peered upward to see the goose perched on the high stone wall.

He called out to it, "Hello goose. Mind if I come up for a chat?"

Much to everyone's surprise, the goose stretched out her neck and honked back at Humpty. Without another word, Humpty strode off to climb the stairs leading up to the top of the crenellated curtain wall surrounding the courtyard. From there he walked over to the flying buttress that supported the front wall of the castle's main hall. This stonework met the curtain wall at the height of the parapet, allowing him to make a precarious ascent to the sloped roof of the large building.

About half way across the arched structure Humpty made the mistake of looking down. He immediately regretted doing so, as a wave of vertigo swept over him. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the goose. When he opened them again, he forced himself to look upward, where he could see the goose waiting patiently for him. Moving forward slowly, he reached the roof.

The structure of this building was such that a ridge of stone ran around the perimeter of the roof, essentially a parapet, but without the usual crenellations. It seemed to have been built more for looks than for defence - a fact emphasized by the difficulty in getting up there. Humpty carefully made his way up the slope of the roof, holding onto the stone ridge for support. As he neared the peak, he was careful of the ice underfoot that made an already dangerous venture that much more deadly. All the while the goose watched impassively from her perch on the flattened peak of the parapet.

Humpty stopped when he was within about four feet of the goose. "Hello. I suppose you know why I'm here?"

"Honk," said the goose, meaning, "You probably want to take my egg away."

"Well, yes," replied Humpty, "and I'd like to help you get down from here safely, too."

"Honk," the goose said, this time with a slightly different inflection, which meant, "But I want to keep my egg and hatch it."

Humpty often marvelled that poultry could communicate so much with a single sound, and wondered why human language was so inefficient. At the moment, though, he was busy digesting the importance of the goose's statement. He now understood the reasons for her actions. With most of her eggs being solid gold, and having only one chance each year to bear young, this egg must surely be extremely precious to her. And to think that all these years the king had been eating them!

"Perhaps the king will sympathize and let you keep this egg, once he understands."

"Honk." This time the sound translated as, "I dearly hope so. I have lived a very long time - much longer than a normal goose, and even longer than many humans. But I am not immortal, and I fear I have only a few more years of life ahead of me. I very much want to have a gosling of my own before I go, to carry on my bloodline. To continue laying golden eggs when I am gone."

Humpty turned and called out to those gathered below, relaying the goose's request. When King Cole learned that his prized goose might only live a few more years he instantly agreed to allow her to hatch her egg.

Humpty then carefully moved forward and, when the goose stood up, retrieved the egg from where it lay on the top of the wall. He carefully tucked it inside his shirt, then began the dangerous descent. The goose followed right behind him, not wanting to be parted from her egg any longer than necessary. Humpty moved very carefully, wary of the treacherous ice. When he reached the lower part of the roof where the ice had been removed, he paused to turn around in preparation for traversing the flying buttress back to the curtain wall.

The goose, however, did not pause. When she realized that the human was no longer moving down it was too late. She tried to stop, but with the slope of the roof and the slickness of the ice she was unable to avoid colliding with Humpty. He looked up with a startled expression as he lost his balance and pitched head first over the edge. Humpty Dumpty fell straight down to the hard cobblestone courtyard below.

The gathered crowd was barely able to step aside to avoid getting crushed as he landed. There was a brief moment of silence that seemed to last an eternity as Humpty lay there unmoving. Then chaos erupted. Everyone began screaming and yelling until somebody fetched a bucket of water and doused Humpty with it. That brought him around, at least, and he blinked a few times as he peered up at the ring of faces. But he could not move.

King Cole managed to quiet the crowd, and one man suggested he send his best riders for medical help. The king had seen a paralyzed man before though, and realized that even if he sent all his horses and men it wouldn't help Humpty.

As if to add insult to injury, the egg had cracked. Though still largely intact due to its protected location, the sudden impact had caused a crack to appear in its side. The king noticed a wet spot forming on Humpty's jacket and opened his clothing to reveal a small trickle of sticky clear liquid.

"Honk!" The goose had made its way down and had squeezed between legs to reach Humpty's side. It looked directly at King Cole and repeated, "Honk!"

The king looked at the goose and, thinking she was upset about the egg, said, "He did his best, and it's your fault after all." Everyone, including the king himself, was surprised to hear him address the bird as though it could understand. Nobody dared question him though - he was the king after all.

"Honk."

Understanding seemed to sweep over the king. "But..."

"Honk!"

"Yes, of course, you're right." King Cole could scarcely believe it, but he had understood the goose's honk. "Somebody fetch me a bowl and spoon. Now!"

A moment later he had them in his hands. He took the egg, and, with the goose looking on in apparent approval, broke it open into the bowl. He then took the spoon and whisked the egg into a froth. Leaning over Humpty's prone form, he coaxed the injured farmer to swallow the egg as he carefully poured it into his mouth.

With a bit of coughing and spluttering, he managed to get most of it down. Then a most remarkable thing happened. Humpty slowly rolled onto his knees, then pushed himself upright. He was healed! The crowd gave a collective gasp of astonishment, then burst into cheers.

King Cole realized that now that the curative properties of his goose's eggs were publicly known, she was going to have to be guarded even more closely than before. On the way back indoors, he gave orders to prepare a room for her in his private quarters and double the guards protecting her. He also invited Humpty to become his Royal Goosekeeper, to which the farmer readily accepted.

"But first we must celebrate," he stated. "Summon my trio of violinists!"