This is an autobiography so I don't know how not to use so
many I's. If there is a way to write such a testimony
without using I's
let
me know.
How did I become
saved, eventually?
My testimony. How did I come about allowing my spirit to
be the reigning and guiding principle in my being for God,
and sensing intuitively therein God's will for my life which
is not so easy a task to accomplish all the time because our
being born into sin and so many generations that have gone
by since Adam. There is much to recover. Even so, having a
spirit of rapture comes about when we make headway and our
soul is cracked open yet again giving even more ground to
our mistress. Our soul is like a steward, body a servant and
spirit the mistress. Our soul is our mind, will and emotion
(self-consciousness). With precision work every verse of the
Bible agrees with this. Our spirit has the functions of
intuition, communion, conscience (God-consciousness), and
our body has its sensings (world-consciousness). Job's 3
friends tangled with Job as our soul attempts its mental
stirrings. The first friend represents emotion and outwardly
mysticism. The second deals with reason or justifying and
outwardly tradition. The third friend was self-willed in his
approach and outwardly dogmatic therefore. The fourth, a
passer-by, came about when the first three exhausted their
efforts and Job finally gave into the spirit of his being
and his conscience was cleansed pleasing to God. It was only
then that he could finally see God's face. My study of Job
came from Stephen Kaung's, "The Splendor of His Ways".
All Christians go through the
experience of Song of Songs, for it is really a personal
relationship with God and more often than not takes this
course from initial love (1.2-2.7), faltering love
(2.8-3.5), growing love (3.6-5.1), transforming love
(5.2-7.13), and matured love (8.1-14). The first Christian
book I ever read was "The Bait of Satan" by John
Bevere, learning not to pick up offense. The second book I
finished was "Fear of the Lord" also by John Bevere,
for it is our reverence and lack of fear of the Lord that is
the source of the problem. Only then did I embark on the
answers I so desperately needed when I started reading
Watchman Nee's "The
Spiritual Man" having now read it literally 5 times;
it was within one of his chapters that I had my seemingly
unmatchable experience. I might yet read it again from cover
to cover - it is that powerful. It is Watchman Nee's
foundational piece. I also read Jessie-Penn Lewis's, "War
on the Saints" and "The Case for Faith" by Lee
Strobel. War on the Saints is spiritual warfare which is a
last line of defense for those that need to access this
information and Case for Faith is sound reasoning in the
Scriptures for why we believe in Jesus, substantiating the
Word of God in more difficult questions asked. Also see The
Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. After this I began to read
Watchman Nee's writings for I found them more spiritual
than all the writings I have encountered touching my life in
a deeper more profoundly lasting and efficacious way. And to
this day this fact remains in conjunction with the Word of
God. It is also careful to note that the only version of
The Spiritual Man that was real and authentic was
with the white covers from CFP.
I should also say what that
miracle was I had in my life. In 1988 I started having head
pain. One day it started and never went away on a daily
basis for 7 years, literally. The intensity was so
horrendous I thought I was going to die. I met a man at an
organization called the Alberta Migraine Assistance
Association. I gave him $500 to save me for I had done 101
different things to find help. None of them worked. The
first day was like an introduction. The second day was about
4 hours with tones of outpouring emotion and tears. I woke
up the 3rd day pain free and not an ounce of desire for the
drugs that I was totally saturated in, and from that day
thereafter I have not had a single headache since. I went
into the AMAA the 3rd day and I was sitting across from a
woman working at the desk as I was waiting for my 3rd
session to declare the miracle. She told me that she tried
to commit suicide several times because she had head pain
for 20 years almost every day. We were both smiling with the
biggest smiles known to mankind for we were both free. She
said she hadn't had a headache in over a year and half. I
could write a book about it, and I am still thinking of
doing it. 99% of people that have headaches have them for a
reason. I know how to tap into that reason and how to get
them to access their intuition to allow the them to see the
truth of their mistaken assumption which then releases them;
and which is usually followed by tears of release and joy.
It is really not that complicated at all and is really not
deserving of the size of a whole book. I have explained what
is required
here.
I was told that it was the Holy
Spirit that led this man to help me about one month later. I
gave myself to Christ at that time, and when I gave up
control again an unbelievable amount of emotional release
and tears came about in that giving up. But it was yet
superficial because it was somewhat forced upon my mind
through not entirely my own choice. That was 1995. I was
told at that time by that man that the information he used
to help me came from the Bible of course, but specifically
the book of great help was Watchman Nee's, The Spiritual
Man. I picked up the book at the time and read maybe the
first chapter and it didn't really do anything for me in
addition to studying a few passages of Scripture.
I didn't read a Christian book
or even the Bible from 1995 to Jan, 2001.
I made a quite a bit of money in
1999 and 2000, and then in the stock market,
enough to retire on, and I had met a woman that I really
wanted to be in love with, but through my own mistakes with
her and her own issue, it was not to be. It was at this
point that I realized there is more to life and gave myself
to Christ totally in January 2001. My initial salvation
occurred in the most unsuspecting places in a restaurant
just prior in
a conversation. That person was always
struggling with seeking spiritual information which led him
always dissatisfied from one person then to another person
in seeking help, not only in gurus, but women, never able to
last with them for more than six months, an insecure,
unloving condition. I did not want to be like him.
Everything all of a sudden
happened at once. Something triggered in me (God's image,
Gen. 1.26, that is, my right to choose), and it was at that point
in the restaurant, a clear choice entered my thoughts. I
realized that that person would keep searching endlessly in
the thoughts of men and women. The final one was Jesus
Christ whom he still rejected. Soon after that clear belief
of acceptance there was a falling away with that same
person, who I thought of as a friend for many years, yet he
was sneakily and jealously trying to come between me and the
woman I so adored. One can't help but think that what
spawned this was that conversation in which his true
condition was exposed, so that this was his way of reacting
in rejecting Christ. And then after that I got creamed in
the stock market. And clearly I said then that enough is
enough. The Holy Spirit began to work wonders
in me as I turned to the Word of God with all my strength
and all my heart. And as it turned out, since I found my
Lord and Savior, it was the greatest moment in my entire
life; and it was not some overwhelming emotional experience,
or great epiphany, just a true belief in the Son of God for
I could truly see who He was in my conscience. He created
me.
I tried to locate that white
book, The Spiritual Man. I didn't know its name, only
that it was white. For days I searched because I knew within
it was the information I seeked, for it was the reflection
of the Word soundly for my pain disappeared like magic
because of this information employed.
It is funny because I was in the
bible book store after so many days, my 4th or 5th one in
that many days. I asked the owner of the store, "it was a
thick book and it was white, and that is all I know". He was
thinking though he could not help me. And just as I was
asking him, I was leaning on a book of hundreds and hundreds
of books. I casually looked down as I was propping myself up
on this book, and at first glance I didn't think anything,
but then I looked a little closer, and it was a fairly large
book. I looked closer and it was all white. I picked it up
unknowingly, and then I knew it was the book I had been
searching for. You could imagine my surprise.
Initially I got through the
first three chapters intensely, I was greatly moved and then
let it sit for a few weeks losing interesting. It was only
when I approached the book again that things took off and I
was starting to get it. I started the book again from the
prefaces.
I really started to get what was
going on, and it was a month or two after that when I had my
miraculous experience deeper within its chapters. I found
the Bible very difficult to read, but then everything
started to click. Bible reading became so much easier.
It is as if there are these
barriers to understanding that we hold up, and as those
walls come down, the information to flow.
I have read Revelation so many
times, and many parts of other chapters. I have become
somewhat of an expert on
separate rapture and know without a doubt this is God's
original blessing of Rev. 1.3. I only know of a few other
people that get this. I have many other matters
solidly understood in my heart also which are found
throughout my site which no one can now ever take away from
me for they are eternal.
I know that if I wrote that book
on headaches it would be a top seller, because I know how
many people have headaches. That AMAA organization doesn't
exist anymore. The person who ran it is also a Christian but
he is fairly destitute unable to continue with its
operations.
On tv the other day, they had a
one woman they were doing surgery on because of her
headaches. Not to take out a tumor or anything but to remove
a part of her brain they thought may alleviate the pain,
cutting away a part of her very self. I can guarantee you
something. If I had that woman in my care for 4 hours a day
for 2 weeks, within 2 weeks she would be free of that pain
because I know exactly what to do.
I can't go write the book,
unless the Lord leads me to do it. And there is the problem
of not being able to mention Christ enough in the book so people won't
run away from it. And that is the main reason I can't write
the book because though I could do it without mentioning
Christ my conscience won't allow me to write such a book in
that fashion for the problem is way more efficiently solved
by introducing Christ at the start. The problem is that when
you do that, then the person runs away. It is a catch-22. That is always the
problem.
Perhaps the best way to write
the book is to introduce in the beginning nothing of Christ
for the masses to gather intrigue, then provide a small piece of
information on Christ near the end. And that may be just
what I do. As it stands the Holy Spirit has not guided me to
write this book for the main reason that book has already
been written which is the Word of God, the Bible which
mentions Christ up front.